Want to write for Joystiq? 'Course you do

You are standing outside a comfortable, orange and blue blog. There is a "Now Hiring" placard taped to the finger-smudged pane of the post.

>Read placard.

It reads in big, block letters, "Now Hiring." You squint your eyes and barely make out the rest: "Games blog Joystiq is looking for the best writers they can find. That means they're not looking for sample reviews, your three favorite posts, or your favorite game of the year. Instead, they're looking to be impressed."

>Who should apply?

They have a special interest in writers who live in Japan and can read the mysterious and baffling Japanese language, as well as writers living in that other bastion of technological turpitude, the Bay Area.

>What if I don't live in either of those awful places?

Ultimately, writers will be chosen based on quality and not geography. So, if you're qualified but live in, say ... South Africa, please apply regardless.

>Is this a paid, freelancing position that requires professionalism, consistency, and reliability?

Remember, this is a paid, freelancing position that requires professionalism, consistency, and reliability. Send your impressive application in the form of an impressive resumé, an impressive cover letter, and whatever else might impress them and email to joystiq.applications+JOY0706@gmail.com.

>What will impress them?

*shrugs* Did you beat Ninja Gaiden: Black on master ninja mode? That would be impressive ...

>%$#@!

Such language in a high-class establishment like this!

>Keep reading.


You click the hyperlinked "Continue reading Want to write for Joystiq? 'Course you do" text so you're sure you've listened to all they've got to say.

>Fill out application.

You pull up your desk chair and begin feverishly writing out your top ten list of 8-bit games that feature arthropod protagonists -- just to get your pen flowing -- before setting your mind on the relevant task at hand. A few short days later, you emerge from your room, soiled and unshaven, application in hand. You forgot to type it.

>Type application.

You (barely) decipher your own scribbling, but remember enough of your life experience to fill in the missing details as you go. You make sure to remind them of all your previous writing experience, any outlets or publications you've contributed to. You take great pains to inform them of your current work/life schedule. You are realistic about your ability to contribute, so they'll know when you're able to work for them. You specify whether or not you're interested in writing on the weekends. You tell them they're beautiful ...

>I do not!

YOU TELL THEM THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL! But you don't simply flatter them, you also let them know where they can improve and how you can help (site redesign is not a good suggestion ... they want to know how you can help). You write this all in the body of the email, since you know they're not going to read it if there are attachments (they hate attachments ... especially .doc attachments)!

>Mail application to joystiq.applications+JOY0706@gmail.com.

Your trembling claw hovers above the keyboard before striking ... and then, the stiff clack of your "Enter" key sends your condensed brain-droppings kicking and screaming into their embarrassingly weak, but open, arms. On behalf of everyone at the 'stiq, good luck!

This article was originally published on Joystiq.