Joystiq reader Walter Crespo tipped us off to this training video for GameCrazy, currently making its rounds on the internet. We are here to warn you about watching this piece; the entire 16-minute test of endurance is grueling and painful. Do yourself a favor and avoid watching the video. Let's explain what you won't be missing:

[Video embedded above for posterity]

The video, intended to give GameCrazy employees the inside information on how to sell games, is a mock-up of an ESPN presentation. It opens with two announcers: Keith Croft and Bobby Payne, who call the shots and raise eyebrows to signify their seriousness. The video outlines the five "keys to the game":
  1. Hardware: Help gamers (and parents of gamers) pick the right console for them to "keep them coming back for more accessories and games." This section contains a mock-up dialogue between a GC employee and a mother looking to buy a console for her son. She wanted to buy just games, but then realized that her son doesn't own a console! Don't worry if you get lost for a moment, all action will stop and the announcers will cue you in on what's happening.
  2. Used Games: GC "employee" Gail convinces a saavy Madden fan to save $10 by buyin the used title. As the video says, used games are major money for GameCrazy and major value for the customers.
  3. MVP: Their special membership. A customer who admits to usually shopping at Best Buy figures he'll give GC a try. Keith wonders aloud if this guy is "a possible big box convert" and eventually he pays the $20 so he can sign up for Saturday's Soul Calibur tournament.
  4. Trades: I might have missed this while trying to find a screwdriver to insert into my frontal lobe. I think it was just mixed in with the rest.
  5. Pre-orders: Generic Girl #1 comes in looking to pre-order the latest Final Fantasy but doesn't want to pay money. Fortunately, she has virtual money by merits of past trade-ins on her MVP account. The guy pre-orders the game for her, gets her to buy Kingdom Hearts, and totally gets her phone number, dude!
And let's not forget, through all this, there is Zelda Scott.

Who is Zelda Scott? The on-the-floor correspondent helping Croft and Payne talk to the GameCrazy employees presented. She must think she has some grasp on pop culture. Let's take a look at some of our favorite phrases:
  • "They can't hate on our used games."
  • "Bomb-diggity!"
  • "Gail is getting extremely jiggy with it by going for the MVP."
  • Give it up G-Unit, you showed some mad skills there."
  • "Krunk!"
  • "Tru dat, girl. [To Croft and Payne] Homeslices?"
  • "Bling Bling!"
... and that's just a sampler.

Don't forget to check out the very last scene after the credits roll, at around the 16:10 mark. Scott delivers a very painful rendition of "Rapper's Delight."

This article was originally published on Joystiq.

Buy an N-Gage, seriously