Wii used as 'porn gateway', hilarity ensues

Did you know that your child could be using their toy console to download pornography? This is the terrifyingly serious question posed and placed under investigation by a crack (snorting) team of reporters at WTFAA WTAA-TV news. "Investigation" here having the definition of "predictably targeting a sensational topic and hurling ineffective, foam darts at it." In a piece creatively titled "Playing with Porn", agent Shelly Slater discovers that "a simple game of [Wii] bowling" is "not so simple anymore." Indeed, there are people having raucous sex in those bowling alleys.

The trail of malicious crumbs leads her to conclude that the console's entirely unique ability to access the internet makes it easy for kids to download sexually explicit shenanigans. Indeed, merely clicking the inactive "News Channel" launches open a Pandora's box of scantily-clad women. Rather than providing a helpful explanation as to how to activate the Wii's parental controls, Slater attempts to contain and study the lurking smut.

She says "young kids get it," quoting one blogging "child" as saying "The first thing I thought of when I downloaded the Wii browser was also porn." Only the full quote, which is displayed on-screen, reads "Like any red blooded American male ages 18-45, the first thing I thought of when I downloaded the Wii browser was also porn." Quoting out of context? "It's gross, it's sick."

As if blowing into a flute while standing on a pile of festering garbage, the piece ends on a high note -- the consternated and defenseless mother accuses the industry of "tricking kids into learning too much, too fast" and expresses concern about people "trying to invade a fun game like the Wii." To make matters even worse, Slater completely fails to capitalize on the most obvious joke in the universe -- porn sites are "being configured to fit the Wii."

Perhaps she might further "investigate" the console's internet connectivity and download a clue.

Read -- Game console can be porn gateway
Watch -- Playing with Porn

[Thanks, Zertoss. Also, you're a sick man for that image, Ross Miller.]

Previously:
Joystiq corrupts youth with PSP porn film -- film at 11
Fox "investigates" PSP porn

This article was originally published on Joystiq.