Japanese hardware sales, Jun. 4 - Jun. 10: E-scandal Edition

And so, the Church of England vs. Sony saga at last seems to be inching towards a resolution. How did it ever turn into such a mess? The answer to that question, obtained only through ingenious hacking techniques, lies after the break (that place we put all the nonsense that has nothing to do with sales charts). The lesson to be learned, of course, is that when you're creating a work of fiction or designing a game, it's best to avoid any real locales. Actually, just make sure the whole thing takes place in outer space. There's nobody there.

- DS Lite: 117,193 5,947 (4.83%)
- Wii: 64,529 5,219 (7.48%)
- PSP: 24,711 1,647 (6.25%)
- PS2: 11,097 717 (6.07%)
- PS3: 8,776 222 (2.47%)
- Xbox 360: 2,533 314 (14.15%)
- Game Boy Micro: 481 171 (55.16%)
- GBA SP: 302 55 (22.27%)
- Gamecube: 167 59 (26.11%)
- DS Phat: 35 36 (50.70%)
- GBA: 16 -- 0 (0%)

[Source: Media Create]

See also: Previous Japanese hardware sales charts

from: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>

Dear Harold,

Some of us would appreciate it if you kept the noise emanating from your office to a minimum. I realize the concept of work is one that is foreign and uncomfortable to you, but at least allow those of us more versed in productivity to concentrate.

Regards,
Leonard

from: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>

Dear Leonard,

Who's us? We're the only ones here over the weekend. If you have a problem with the noise personally, just say so.

Regards,
Harold

from: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>

Dear Harold,

I don't have a problem with the noise "personally." I have a problem with you manipulating electronic devices and thus ALLOWING the noise to reach disturbing levels. I don't mind you watching your absurdly violent war movies in your free time, but I don't have to sit through them with you! All I want is some peace and quiet.

Regards,
Leonard

from: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>

Dear Leonard,

If you want peace and quiet, maybe you should go sit in the middle of our glorious Manchester cathedral. You could use the time to concern yourself with things like our decreasing attendance. Just a thought. And by the way, I'm not watching movies, I'm playing a bloody PlayStation 3 game.

Regards,
Harold

from: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>

Dear Harold,

Hold on, you're playing a BLOODY video game? Here, in the church? Please tell me this is your attempt at a joke.

Regards,
Leonard

from: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>

Dear Leonard,

I didn't mean "bloody" as in overflowing with plasma and platelets, I meant... look, there's no blood in Resistance. You shoot a bunch of monsters. There's even a level inside this church. You'd like it.

Harold

from: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>

Dear Harold,

Why didn't you tell me this before? How can you play that rubbish? And why is Manchester in it? Are you supposed to collect all the prostitutes or some such rot? I will not abide by a negative portrayal of this institution! Please explain yourself.

Regards,
Leonard

from: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>

Leonard,

Not every game is Grand Theft Auto, you know. This is just a first-person shooter. It's set in an alternate history and you spend about five minutes going through the cathedral. Oh, and did I mention? It's full of freaking MONSTERS!

Harold

from: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>

Harold,

How can you be so astonishingly flippant about this? Do you want this place to be associated with cruel violence and torture? I'm not familiar with these games, but from what you've told me, it sounds horrific. Don't you know that Manchester has a gun problem?

Leonard

from: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>

Leonard,

Umm, does Manchester have an invading alien problem as well? If it did, I'm sure we could just pretend they didn't actually exist in the outside world, much less in forms of fiction. That would be our best option, since we couldn't possibly employ non-existent science fiction guns to save the world, now could we?

Harold

from: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>

Harold,

Are you being sarcastic with me?

Leonard

from: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>

NOT AT ALL. NO SIR. PERISH THE THOUGHT.

Yes.

from: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Harold Pew <pray2play@manchest.co.uk>

Fine, if that's how you're going to be, I have no choice but to forward this information to the Bishop directly. I'll relay what you've told me about the game.

from: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>
to: Bishop Barnaby Higglington <pr33ch3r9000@manchest.co.uk>

Dear Bishop Higglington,

I have terrible news. Reverend Harold has informed me of a horrible new video game that's set entirely in Manchester Cathedral. It's a bloody person-shooter game, he told me. The object of the game is to shoot and kill everyone within 5 minutes, and then summon MONSTERS into the world. What should we do?

Regards,
Reverend Leonard Skittleby

from: Bishop Barnaby Higglington <pr33ch3r9000@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>


Hai Leo

why ru bothering m3 with this cr@p. its just a game lol.

- The Bish

from: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>
to: Bishop Barnaby Higglington <pr33ch3r9000@manchest.co.uk>

Dear Bishop Higglington,

How can you say that? I'll take care of this if you're too busy.

Regards,
Reverend Leonard Skittleby

from: Bishop Barnaby Higglington <pr33ch3r9000@manchest.co.uk>
to: Reverend Leonard Skittleby <church.serious.business@manchest.co.uk>


Leo,

yah whateva. ive added u to my facebook, fyi.

- the Bish

This article was originally published on Joystiq.