From to the story in this week's issue:
"At the current rate, we believe that at this time a sea change will occur in which people will look down at their glossy white or black devices and feel a sense of embarrassment and gullibility," Goldman Sachs analyst Steven Shore said. "They will realize that, despite all the sleek design, they got caught up in a wave of hype that made them shell out additional hundreds of dollars for options and features they didn't need. Until then, I would like to point out that my iPhone is awesome."
Despite past positive coverage from The Onion of Apple's products, including a prescient piece on iPhone obsolescence and a remarkable and largely unnoticed meta-product-launch-launch, it seems that the stories on the fruit-flavored company coming from this multi-layered paper are going to have a bitter, lachrymose edge from now on.
For our readers outside the USA, please note that The Onion is a parody newspaper.