We think it's safe to assume that everybody who's reading this is familiar with Uwe Boll and his auspiciously terrible body of work, which includes such gems as "Bloodrayne", "House of the Dead", and Rotten Tomatoes' second worst reviewed movie of all time, "Alone in the Dark". That's why it may surprise you to learn that Boll's latest (and possibly last) big-budget box office flop, "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale", is actually ... wretched, of course! Don't be silly.

In this very special edition of Metareview, we're taking a look at the cream of the crop of the film's reviews, which have already provided us with more entertainment than the actual movie ever could. Join with us in our appreciation of these brave reviewers, who have unwittingly tacked their own names onto Boll's lengthy "to be punched in the face repeatedly" list.
  • Sam Adams - Los Angeles Times: "Uwe Boll isn't the worst director in the world, but In the Name of the King might be more enjoyable if he were."
  • Dustin Putman - TheMovieBoy.com: "[The movie] would be irredeemable if not for its near-brilliant ability to give the viewer douche chills for 127 solid minutes."
  • Jim Lane - Sacramento News and Review: "It's like a Florida dinner theater production of The Lord of the Rings, though it's not without enjoyment if you're in a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 frame of mind."
  • Scott Weinberg - Cinematical: "If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Uwe Boll just spent 126 minutes telling Peter Jackson how thin, talented and gorgeous he is."
  • Joe Leydon - Variety: "Doug Taylor's script, loosely based on the "Dungeon Siege" vidgame, is a lazy mash-up of cliched situations, grandiose speechifying and verbal anachronisms. But, then again, "In the Name of the King" is the sort of half-baked farrago that brings out the worst, or the least, in almost everyone involved."

This article was originally published on Joystiq.

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