Auran wants to make you their bitch

John Romero and Mike Wilson might be indulging in increasingly childish verbal fisticuffs over the famous "John Romero's about to make you his bitch!" advertisement, but all of that testosterone-laden scuffling kind of glosses over the fact that antagonizing and belittling your players is not a great way to gain a solid following. Especially if your players are over ten years old.

Well, according to Signe at F13, Auran (or whoever's really in back of the game Fury these days - funnily enough it appears to be Mike Wilson's Gamecock) wants you to suck it down and stop being such a shameful girly loser in what has to be one of the outright worst MMO incentive emails I've seen so far, endearingly titled "LOSER! LOSER! LLLOOOOSSSSEEEERRRRR!"

Auran (or Gamecock or whoever, let's just say Auran to keep it short) is sad. They're unhappy that you're a big loser and that you left their game. They want you to come back and prove how large and hard your epeen is, and be a winner by playing Fury - and just to help you prove how hardcore you are, they've made it "easier to stay alive."

Here's the email that Signe reports receiving:


Chances are you are a LOSER!
Or will you prove us wrong?
In the 3 months since release, tens of thousands of people have played FURY and every single one of them has lost at least one game! That's right - not one unbeaten player exists in our database. And the stats show that once you have won 3 games, you are extremely likely to play dozens, if not hundreds more games.
So, we'd love you to come back and check out all the changes and improvements and discover that winning feeling.
For a start it is easier to stay alive now, and there are new game types specifically designed for new players. We have also added AI Bots (and they love losing), new gametypes, new maps, fixed the GUI lag and hundreds of bugs plus loads of other stuff. You can find out more about all the changes at
We have also introduced the Chosen which allows you to play FREE FOREVER. Why not show your friends you are not a loser as well by bringing them along, they can play for FREE! Just get them to follow the instructions found here
Cya in game (unless, of course, you want to remain a loser).
The FURY Team

Was it bring-your-grade-schooler-to-work day over in marketing, or are the Friday liquid lunches getting a little out of hand?

Whatever it is, I hadn't really formed an opinion one way or another on Fury - but this has certainly encouraged me not to find out for myself. I can't imagine wanting to be in an MMO with the sort of person who would return to the game after getting this email.

[via Moorgard]

This article was originally published on Massively.