Caption contest: Teddy bear torture -- the photographs the FCC didn't want you to see

Hide the children, folks. We've just uncovered some atrocities, and we don't think they're appropriate for the preschool-and-under crowd. The FCC is performing unspeakable acts of torture upon this Step n' Shine "Snuggle n' Shine" bear, and we think it's time the public knew about it. More gruesome pics after the break.

Chris: "We're going to ask you one more time: where is the spurious 2400MHz radiation coming from?" or "Repeat after me: Bounce has a fresher scent than Snuggles. That's all you have to do."
Paul: "How about now, huh? Do you still 'wuv us vewwy much?' Didn't think so."
Don: "I see you, Tickle Me Elmo. You won't get away with this!"
Josh T.: "Reaction to Build-A-Bear's new competitor was mixed."
Nilay: "Where is the one they call 'Teddy Ruxpin'?"
Josh F.: "This was to be my final hit, but let's be clear about this. There's final hits and final hits. What kind was this to be?"

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:06PM]

Ummmm......o.k.......................

Have you guys gone MAD?

[y3knik Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:53PM]

Am I the only one who doesnt get it?

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 7:05PM]

They tortured the animal for hours, using techniques no human could bear. The animal did not flinch, it did not even make a noise. This incredibly brave character may run for president when it is released.

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 4th 2008 10:20AM]

its the bear phone! getting tortured in guantanamo

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:08PM]

...

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:08PM]

"HAHAHA the count down is complete.. you may have me... but my plan is complete... lets see the F#$%^& Muppets top this one HAHAHAHA!"

[ronin691 Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:09PM]

GitMo Water Boarding Bear accessories sold separately

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:09PM]

Doh! Forgot the Caption!

" I want to peak and see what horrors you have in store for me, MUUUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

[GON Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:09PM]

Care Bear Racism.

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:10PM]

Damn, I guess I'm last.

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:10PM]

"Gitmo?!?!? I though you said we were headed to FAO Schwartz!"

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:10PM]

Hello Snuggles. I'd like to play a game.

[Riles Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:13PM]

Our blindfold has rendered your Care Bear Stare powerless, now tell us the secret of the Caring Meter or you will never see Tenderheart alive.

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:14PM]

Marvin: I already told you I don't know anything about any fucking setup; you can torture me all you want.
Mr. Blonde: Torture you? That's a good idea. I like that.

[cue music]
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you...

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:15PM]

You see, abu ghraib isnt all that bad....

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:16PM]

"No, Mr. Ruxpin, I expect you to die!"

[hey Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:15PM]

I want ten million dollars, in unmarked bills, in a brown bag, on the corner of 4th and Gaines, by 2:30 tomorrow... or the bear gets it!

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:16PM]

Caption:

Sarah Palin Hates Bears.

[kjb434 Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:42PM]

Yeah, of course because the meat is so good!

And I'm not kidding......the meat is good, so is moose.

Also, bear fat is great for cooking with!!!!!!!! It's how the pioneers cooked.

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:51PM]

Topical pick!

[AnotherAlex Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:17PM]

so the first pic is during torture and the other two are the necropsy?

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:20PM]

"Too bad Snuggles forgot the safety word."

[XIYL Posted Sep 3rd 2008 7:24PM]

Its muskrat, the safety word is muskrat.

[windzilla Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:18PM]

This is the Federal Communications commission Mr Ruxpin, we have ways of making you talk.

[RioRyan Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:29PM]

More like the RIAA

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:55PM]

I thought it was the UK.

[BrandT Posted Sep 4th 2008 8:55PM]

Omg, Teddy Ruxpin...ooold school. I think I still have one somewhere along with two tapes for him.

[Deyanimay Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:25PM]

Not gonna cooperate huh? We'll just have to cut your brain out and feed it to a zombie.

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:28PM]

No Mr. Bear, I expect you to die!!!

[stalemate Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:29PM]

true lies...

Hoooww loong haave yoou been a spyyyyyy, Harry?

[ashwinaj Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:30PM]

Whoz your Daddy now, bear?

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:32PM]

Putin's kids playing journalists vs daddy.

[Samurai Jack Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:31PM]

Tell me, Mr. Bear... are you familiar with the works of Sun Yu?

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:54PM]

You want to meet the real me now?!?

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:36PM]

"Operation Smokey" FCC helps RIAA track & record people that download illegally

[stalemate Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:41PM]

T3DDY RuXorZ PWND!!!!!!i!

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 4th 2008 7:02AM]

Teddy Ruxpin in Abu Ghraib.

"Hell no, I know you're not planning on attaching that battery pack to my testicles!!!!"

"This bear's about to go wild on your a$$es!"

[uhgotnegum Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:41PM]

S&M Care Bear could not, for the life of him, recall what the safety phrase was...and at this establishment, that meant trouble

[Ksult1 Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:41PM]

Robin Williams joins a fraternity.

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:45PM]

that's ah nice ah torturing chamber boo-boo!

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:46PM]

A-Boo Boo Ghraib

[idlemind1999 Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:46PM]

"After a string of failed B-Movies; tired, old and worse for wear, Fozzie turned to crime, and here he sits in his final hours, contemplating how the bank job went wrong."

[mremptywallet Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:52PM]

Hostel 3 - The teddy bears are next...

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:49PM]

A-Boo Boo Ghraib

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:53PM]

"Moments later, he was flown to Guantanamo Bay for violating Section 15 Class B, never to be seen again."

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:54PM]

Guess the FCC won't let him be him.

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:58PM]

"We can rebuild him — we have the technology, but I don't want to spend ANY money."

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 7:44PM]

You've served your purpose. You may die now.

[Change Posted Sep 3rd 2008 5:56PM]

THERE ARE *FOUR* LIGHTS!!!

[(Unverified) Posted Sep 3rd 2008 6:19PM]

we have a winner! please claim your prize at the door