"Come in, Colonel. This is Snake."

"Read you loud and clear, Snake. Did you need me to tell you how to climb a ladder?"

"I KNOW HOW TO ... forget it. I hear there's a new mission available."

"That's right. Top secret, black ops stuff. It's an OSWP MGO GTFO mission, lemming priority."

"L -- lemming?! Colonel, what aren't you telling me?"

"I'm not not telling you nothing, Snake, so relax. Konami is releasing a free mode for Metal Gear Online on January 27th. It's called Bomb Mission."

"Bomb Mission, huh? What is it that I'm infiltrating? Haze?"

"..."

"That's like a joke."

"Be serious! This isn't single-player DLC, Snake! This is a mode for the online part of your game, where one team aims to detonate bombs before the allotted time runs out, while the opposing group attempts to freeze the bombs with coolant spray. Just like the Big Shell mission."

"What do you mean, 'online mode?!' Is this one of those crazy plot twists!?"

"I'm afraid it's much worse than that. It's an asinine blog post that obfuscates a mundane news item by inserting popular characters and tedious humor into a contrived, vaguely informative situation."

"Dammit, Colonel! This is worse than that time we found out we were living inside a computer!"

This article was originally published on Joystiq.

Another Trailer R