We recently spoke to Darion Mograine, Highlord of the Knights of the Ebon Blade, and he shed light on several key issues, including the effect of death on hair color, non-canon looting, raising dead undead as undead, unholy radiation, and ice cream cones. In this installment of Ask A Faction Leader, we'll be sitting with Nexus-Prince Haramad, ethereal leader of the Consortium.
Our first reader question:
Word has it that the Goblins are going to be making a big push to grab the spotlight to secure their trade with the Horde. I don't like those green runts myself and much preferred dealing with the Consortium as I always found that ye had more style in your dealings. Any plans to counter your merchant rivals new marketing scheme?
Goblins! As if it wasn't bad enough that they waste corporeal matter on such small, fleshy bodies, now they have the earnest, hard-working everymen of Azeroth believing in their deceptive practices. Disdainful!
When it comes to your hard-earned Azerothian gold pieces, loyal subjects, the best place to invest is still with the Consortium. And I'm here today to prove it. In exchange for taking advantage of our many fine investment services, you will receive many types of free goods and services.
Allow me to provide examples. Goblins have, to my knowledge, offered to reshape the Azshara region of your planet into the logo of your Horde corporation in exchange for opening a savings account with one thousand gold pieces invested. To counter their offer, we of the Consortium will reshape a goblin into a red mess for an investment of just a single gold piece.
Another example. For taking out a ten thousand gold line of credit, Goblins will destroy a mountain and provide you with a tunnel that goes from your Stonetalon Mountains to the Ashen Vale. For opening a credit line of half that, the Consortium will tunnel through a goblin.
We feel that consumers are regaining confidence in this rough economy and these offers will only bolster that confidence. The choice is clear. Consortium.
I couldn't help but notice that you and your fellow Ethereals have some of the worst back-posture I've ever seen. I pretty sure thats not good for you, for the mere idea of me running around Azeroth like that gives me great pain just imagining it. Have you ever considered a physical therapist? I mean just look at the Forsaken! That's what I would call, "lurching."
Concerned Night Elf Druid
Your concern is, of course, duly noted, druid, but I must gently remind you that we are beings of pure energy and thus have no spine to bend. It is ... how shall I put it ... it is all about marketing. Our posture puts potential investors at ease.
And, need I remind you, as if your fellow fleshy races are free of similar peculiarities! Your cousins the blood elves, for example. The males of the species have one pectoral muscle that is considerably larger than the other. Or your enemy orc race! Its males have no wrists. Perhaps your healing specialty might be better directed at targets close to home, or at least not made of pure energy. If it is ineffective, the Consortium employs many of the Nether's best genetic engineers ... for a price, of course.
Wrists, though. Seriously, gentlemen. Look into them.
Dear Nexus-Prince Haramad,
So, I helped you guys out in Outlands and all that, we became good friends. But then you never showed up on Azeroth when the whole march on Icecrown thing started. I mean, I've seen ethereals in Azeroth before, so it can't be that you guys are unable to exist on our planet, so why didn't you come help us? Could have used some of that funky tech of yours.
Zuljo of The Sha'tar, EU
I know the Consortium does not directly oppose the Ethereum, but you do have ties to the Protectorate. Do you know whether the Protectorate has any plans to stop the Ethereum's pact with the Blue Dragonflight? The Nexus War may be over, but that doesn't mean all enemy forces involved are defeated.
Nulgar, Tauren Druid
Yes, we are aware that our services on Azeroth have been ... lagging behind somewhat in recent months. The economic downturn on Draenor following the defeat of your Betrayer and abandonment of Shattrath by adventurers affected even the great Consortium, we are not ashamed to say. However, we are, of course, too big to fail.
Now, we are aware of the deal struck between the Ethereum and your planet's Blue Dragonflight, and we do not regret passing on it. Yes! That's right. Mage Hunter representatives contacted me personally first and opened negotiations to assist them in exchange for ... how did they phrase it. "Security in a post-mage world."
We decided not to pursue the offer after some investigation. It appeared that the Blue Dragonflight was ... antagonistic, to put it mildly, and we prefer to lean more towards the benevolent side of things. Preserving rare items and lifeforms, that sort of activity. It appears that, with the Spellweaver's defeat, we have again chosen the proper side.
Now, as for our lack of presence in your northern continent ... after a cost-benefit analysis we were, shall I say, uneasy with the thought of conducting business atop soil positively saturated with a different and decidedly more dangerous type of noncorporeal entity. Your rare saronite ore was, of course, cause for some deliberation over our decision for quite some time, but the market has evened out since then and we can procure it at quite a reasonable cost from adventurers.
We do (unofficially, you understand) support your planet's peoples in their efforts against the undead, as while we normally support mindless purchases, the undead tend to carry very little currency, and we would be unsatisfied if your planet's potential investors all met that fate.
I am seeking some financial advice. I have had a 401k for the past three years with a former employer. I recently went to work for another company that offers 401k. How can I rollover the 401k from my previous employer into my new employers plan without paying any penalties?
Ah, seeking out only the best advice. You are wise! You have two viable choices.
First, you need to check with your new employer to ensure that their plan accepts rollovers. If they do, ask them for instructions on where assets from your old 401k should be sent. Then contact your former employer and ask for the necessary form(s) to complete a rollover into your new employers plan. You incur no penalties when rolling assets from one plan to another.
The second and debatably easier option is murder.
Good Day Nexus-Prince Haramad,
As a priest, I do everything I can to make sure my compatriots don't have bits of themselves falling out all over the place. I find it's a good way of preventing untimely (or in some cases 'timely') death. <mutters something about getting out of the damn fire> That being said, the bandages you Ethereals use seem insanely effective as keeping your sparkly bits on the inside. I've come to the conclusion that you must have access to a bandage recipe that is unknown to the rest of us. I've amassed a small stock pile of valuable goods I'd be more than happy to part with for your help.
Tenjin, Night Elf Priest
Ah, a fine question about a fine product! Our wrappings are a proprietary material, but leasing options are available, depending on your credit rating. We are looking for certain materials, as well, and will consider even trades for the extremely hard-to-find Azerothian items listed below:
- Female dwarves
- Elemental badge gear
- Useful lines of Trade Chat
- Blood elf males without that one haircut, you know the one
- Mankrik's wife
Dear Prince Haramad,
I don't want to get into specifics, but I find myself with a large supply of corpses. Gnomish corpses, to be exact. Well over a hundred.
I can think of a lot of uses for a dead gnome, and you're a well-connected businessman. My question: How much should I charge per corpse? And: do you have any interest in a bulk order?
- Hackworth, Rogue
We'll give a fair price, but I'm afraid you may be disappointed -- we're positively swimming in gnome corpses right now. We've a nearly endless supply from your Warsong Gulch and they sell quite well to certain companies. As I understand it, they're used to decorate major cities? I'm not as familiar as I should be with Azerothian customs.
Being a plate-wearer in winter presents unique challenges. Unlike the rainy season, where rust is the primary issue (saronite rusts, right?), during the dry season static-electric build-up can become a painfully persistent issue. (A less-than-shocking revelation, to be sure.) Being a race composed primarily of energy, I would hope you might have some tips for those of us who wear plate and still have nerve endings left.
Dryer sheets. You'll be amazed at the difference they make. I know what you're thinking -- "Putting plate armor in the dryer? You're a madman, Haramad!" Well, do I have a device for you.
Look, I think I have served my time. I mean, I was only following orders and they caught me. You railroad me to take the dive, which I understand and I do so. But I figured such a profitable agent would be someone you would try to get out. Come on, you haven't even posted my bond! Is it too much to ask that you let me go see how my options are doing? I put all my money in insurance bonds, I am sure they are doing well.
That and there's some weird fight going on outside.
When is ... when is this dated?
That's all for our audience with Nexus-Prince Haramad! Next week, we'll be speaking with Archdruid Fandral Staghelm of Darnassus! If you have questions for the Archdruid, whether you need advice or have questions about morrowgrain or shifting sands or anything in between, send them via email to email@example.com with the subject line "AAFL".