I'm a politician. That's my job. Other leaders may run around slaying undead and communing with nature or the like, but I, I have paperwork to do. I have to balance our budget, which is, by the way, a word Kael'thas didn't know the meaning of. Do you have any idea how much it costs to send troops to Northrend? How many forms I have to fill out? It's not as if they can travel there by foot, either. Sending a brigade to Ghostlands? Not a problem -- we're a stone's throw away. Sending all of my best warriors -- well, not warriors, per se -- across the ocean to the great frozen north? Slightly more difficult. Please give me some credit -- it's not as if I have campaign promises to live up to, unlike certain headless charlatans that preceded me. "Follow me to Outland! What a fantastic place! Hope you like demons and the color purple!"
I reconstructed Silvermoon practically overnight while Kael'thas was busy drinking the green Kool-Aid. I kept our civilization together while Kael'thas was busy hijacking spaceships. I created hundreds of jobs in the arcane construction industry. And what do my subjects ask me? What class are you. When are you going to fight Arthas. It's enough to make me want to file the paperwork necessary to have myself assassinated.
Sylvanas has the vengeance angle pretty well covered. Myself, I make sure that Farstrider captains are signing their timesheets. It's not less important. It's just less showy.
I have one simple question. What do you actually do for the Horde? I mean, my people make plagues, trolls make voodoo, orcs are just strong and tauren can be druids (though I hear trolls are dabbling in the natural magics, silly trolls.) But belfs just, well......spread....metro through the horde......its hard for an orc to look tough when there is a belf /flirting with the enemy males.
Yours in Undeath
Gerogero of Vashj US
Beyond just filing paperwork, which I do a lot of, as mentioned above, I also help foster various small businesses here in Silvermoon that have a ripple effect throughout the world. You know those enchanted brooms you get at the Argent Tournament? Those are handmade by Vilnas Goldwheat here in Silvermoon, brought to Magistrix Faldira to be enchanted, and specially engraved by Heldon Brightmace. Then they're shipped to Northrend at no small cost, all for raising troop morale. Without careful budget balancing, that would never be possible, and you Champions of Silvermoon would be right-clicking to summon your Draenish knockoff brooms. Or, even worse, goblin-made enchanted brooms. Can you imagine the casualties? The hair problems?
Dear Lord Lor.... eh... Lor-te-MAR?
How do elves even manage to pronounce your own names?
In Thalassian, the apostrophe means to accentuate the syllable that precedes it. So, LORE-theh-mar. I'm unsure if it's the same in Orcish, as I'm admittedly not as fluent as other diplomats, but that's how it works for us. It's not very complicated. You should consider stopping by Silvermoon for some Thalassian lessons. They're subsidized for Horde employees. My idea.
Dear Mr. Lor'Themar Blood Elf man,
What are your thoughts on the plan proposed to have Blood Elves become true warriors? Are you worried about breaking a sweat or your nails?
Staric the General Troll.
Again, my idea. The plan was to create military jobs. Remember, we had plenty of proper warriors prior to the march on Silvermoon. After that, well. Things were a little different a few years ago. Losing the Light, imprisoning that giant wind chime, putting Astalor in charge of new military strategies...
Strictly speaking, not every Kael Sixpack is qualified to be a blood knight. We attempted to integrate as many warriors and priests into the order as possible, but those who were martially inclined but not exactly Light-sensitive were left in the dust during that move and went on to work more menial jobs, probably unhappily. Kael's idea. One in a long line of what we call "Kael's ideas".
Now that the prince is dead and it looks like the whole paladin craze is dying down, we need good men and women who're willing to get their hands dirty in Silvermoon's name, and the average elf on the street here in the city is a little disillusioned with the prospect of becoming a paladin. Thus, I filled out all the proper forms -- we're reopening the warrior barracks and letting the butchers, bakers, and spellbreakers of Silvermoon grab two two-handed weapons and get to bladestorming. It's good for morale to let your men crack some skulls every now and then. Besides, we look good in plate. Don't deny it.
When are you finally going to start cleaning up Silvermoon? I mean, it's ridiculous! Every time I come a-ridin' in on my charger to kill you with some buddies, I have to get all of the druggies off of us! Hand of Freedom won't even cool down fast enough! Please, clean up your streets.
Kalaka, Human Paladin
I can't help but notice your signature, and I think that that might be your problem. You haven't been filling out the necessary permits to enter the city, and thus you've been enchanted to look like a manna biscuit or a large man-shaped bottle of fel magic to the local vagrants. It's a security measure; nothing personal.
You're free to file a visitation request at your local Town Hall or visit the guest registration booth outside the city. A one-day permit is one hundred gold, payable upon receipt of said permit. All proceeds go to the reconstruction of Silvermoon and to keeping our soldiers' quarters well-stocked with hair product.
Hello Mr. [Theron, Lor'themar, Quel'thalas, Regent Lord Of].
Due to a misunderstanding in payment we are hereby remailing the bill for your order of two manly night elf lap dances last month. Despite frequent visits from you, we still require payment for these services. Please remail this letter with 500 gold pieces to the following adress:
F. Staghelm's Kinky Bear Bar
We thank you for your cooperation. Please come to Fandral Staghelm's Kinky Bear Bar again.
Disclaimer: The Kinky Bear Bar is never responsible for soreness, groinal injury, or claw marks.
What is th... HALDURON! HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY ID AGAIN?!
That's all for our audience with Regent-Lord Lor'themar Theron! Next week, we'll be speaking with High Shaman Rakjak of the Frenzyheart tribe! If you have questions for the High Shaman, whether you need advice or have questions about fat-tongues or kill-stealing or anything in between, send them via email to email@example.com with the subject line "AAFL".
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