No-win scenario: Star Trek Online pre-order bonuses

Much like the dreaded Kobayashi Maru, there really is no right answer to the question, "Where should I pre-order Star Trek Online?" In its ongoing mission to make games as hard to purchase as possible, Starfleet has issued different pre-order bonuses to each major American retailer. Want to pilot the Enterprise? You'll have to order from GameStop. Need a pet Tribble? Best Buy. How about a gun that beams projectiles directly to their intended target? Target. That "Liberated Borg" bridge officer you always wanted? Amazon.

And here we thought all we had to do to get the full enjoyment out of our games was buy them. Those days are over, friend. Check out the full list of pre-order bonuses -- and where to find them -- after the break.

• GameStop: Exclusive ship: The classic USS Enterprise

• Best Buy: Pet Tribble or Targ (based on faction)

• Amazon: "Liberated Borg" Bridge Officer with "unique nanotechnology augmentations"

• Direct2Drive: Multi-Spatial Personal Shield (regenerates itself and player health)

• Wal-mart: Bonus Skill Points (bestows additional skill points)

• Target: TR-116 ground weapon (micro-transporter beams projectiles to target, no line of sight required)

• Steam: Chromodynamic Armor, improves critical hits and damage of energy weapons