Live from Paul Otellini's Intel CES keynote

We're in our seats for Intel CEO Paul Oteliini's CES keynote and we're being told it starts in five minutes. Can you feel the love tonight?

5:39PM "At Intel, we believe our job is to invent the future." And... that's it! Gary comes out to congratulate everyone. The cast of Shrek does the bum-bum-bum chime. A mother reaches for her child; young lovers look into each other's eyes. It was the Intel keynote at CES 2010.

5:37PM Intel is working on a robot that can plug itself in by detecting an electrical field around an outlet. "It takes a loooong time... Moore's Law isn't there yet."

5:36PM "I hate you," says the Mirror. Then he leaves. The future dudes are not punished for lying to Paul Otellini, because they were actually in the Intel labs, where the future is actually being invented. Those lovable scamps.

5:35PM The Mirror can see into the future, and says the Future dudes never went there. "Shut up Mirror!" say the dudes. "Bring it on!" says the Mirror. It's getting silly in here.

5:34PM He wanted to talk about in-car entertainment, but then the Magic Mirror from Shrek interrupted in an extremely scripted way.

5:32PM Sending the map to a blazer, a coupon, and a picture to her phone over Bluetooth. "Technology makes fashion easy."

5:32PM The transparent display is neat -- you click on a product and it shows you where it is in the store behind you. "Look, a skinny tie! This will be perfect." Paul: "Uh, great."

5:31PM Core i7 underneeath, three people can use it at the same time. Paul's getting a skinny tie and a blazer. Paul is enthused, as is required by his contract.

5:30PM It's a big augmented reality display. Large touchscreen LCD on the side, holographic transparent touch display on the left.

5:29PM Intel is going to transform retail. How? "With something called... digital signage."

5:27PM Checking in with the future dudes again. They're in 2075 in Future Canada, complaining about Bryan Adams. They do like wireless power though. Mark just took a call on a smart broom. Yes, a broom. "The only thing not connected to the internet are these heavy rocks, but that's how Canadians like it." A curling joke? A curling joke!

5:26PM Undocking the tablet. "Touchscreen tablet, people!"

5:25PM Sadly, that's all for the GW990, but there are some more demos coming. Next, OpenPeak and that smart landline phone we've been seeing. Now it has Moorestown inside.

5:24PM It's pretty huge, but the screen is beautiful.

5:23PM Coming out second half of the year, running Moblin.

5:23PM Snap -- LG GW990 time!

5:23PM We're going to see some Moorestown references designs. First up: something from Ava. it's a phone, but they're focusing on videoconferencing. It's pretty small, and it's doing multipoint conferencing.

5:22PM But... that's all for now, even though the GW990 is on the slide behind him. We're talking about WiMAX now instead.

5:21PM Ha -- Paul just said it was time to shift to smartphones, and he says Moorestown is comig this year. LG and Nokia on the list of partners. Great minds!

5:20PM Speaking of handhelds, where's that crazy LG GW990 Moorestown phone? Let's see that.

5:19PM They want to extend AppUp to every Intel computing platform, from the PC to handhelds and TVs.

5:19PM Appup will be on Acer, ASUS, Dell, and Samsung. 3,000 devs already signed up.

5:18PM Intel.appup.com is now live, and you can look at the beta.

5:18PM "Someday AppUp will be installed on all devices, we hope."

5:18PM Now showing an ASUS Eee PC, which has a different version of AppUp. Different vendors will have different app stores.

5:17PM Showing a Dell running Moblin with a preview of the AppUp Center. Running an app called Frame, which is an IM / VOIP app.

5:16PM Apps work on both Windows and Linux.

5:16PM They're launching the beta of the Atom app store, called AppUp Center.

5:15PM "We integrated the graphics and memory controller onto the processor to increase battery life and reduce power." And really stick it to NVIDIA, we suppose.

5:15PM Joke time over -- let's talk Atom and netbooks. "Atom is a product originally designed for schools... and now it's the first PC families buy in emerging markets." Talking up the new Pine View Atoms.

5:14PM Paul: "I think there's some truth to those liar shirts." Did he just call Mark ugly? He did.

5:13PM Time to check in with the time travel dudes again. They're going to New Cleveland in their "future suit." "The women of the future are not interested in Mark at all."

5:12PM He said "digital crib" one last time before he left, to punish us.

5:12PM Paul: "Craig, is this what caused that power outage last night?" Craig is not denying it.

5:11PM We will totally be main bros with Craig to get that wall panel controller. Let's pop some mad sudsy brews, Craiggers.

5:10PM Using an Atom-powered wall panel for the utility management. It's got a nice big icon-driven interface. We want one.

5:09PM Showing off some real-time utility management. "Once I know, I can act." Too true, broseph.

5:09PM Please stop saying "digital crib." Please.

5:08PM They're going to use WiDi to bounce a laptop to an HDTV. Using Netflix as a demo -- it's not bad at all. The $100 box by the TV is that leaked Netgear unit.

5:07PM "Gonna kick it off with the coup de grace: a little bit of the web action." Navigating with a gyroscope remote, there's Flash support, etc.

5:06PM He just described watching IPTV on demand as "literally going back in time." Craig is easily impressed.

5:05PM Showing off an IPTV box from Orange based on that Sodaville chip. We saw this demo at IDF, only with less brotastic narration.

5:05PM "When you have all your bros over, you're going to want to get in front of the TV... maybe watch a little game, maybe your favorite shows, or... whatever." This is really happening. He just said that.

5:04PM He just called it a "digital crib." Now there is a sampled breakbeat video montage. Funky.

5:03PM Some dude named Craig is on stage. Craig is pretty chipper!

5:03PM We're being invited into the "Intel Home of the Future."

5:02PM "We need to be able to deliver significantly more processing power to enable all this content." He's basically talking about the CE4100 processor we saw at IDF.

5:01PM "Looking forward, we see computing extending beyond the PC and into the television. TVs are becoming smart TVs."

5:00PM "Integrated graphics technology is now powerful enough to run the most taxing games, like World of Warcraft."

5:00PM Core i5 has been overclocked to 7GHz. Whoa.

4:59PM You need a Core i3 or i5 laptop and a $100 adapter box, and you can send HD video to your TV over WiFi. We saw this leaked a while back -- it's a WiFi HD video card, essentially. Very cool.

4:58PM Intel introducing a new tech called Intel Wireless Display, or WiDi. It works over WiFi.

4:58PM Sony and Nokia officially supporting Light Peak, PCs will have it in a year.

4:57PM Talking about connectivity -- that 3D demo with the two cameras was running over Light Peak.

4:56PM But... we're still not sold on the glasses. We need bionic eye implants. Let's get on that, Intel.

4:54PM This is a different clip. We're sitting way at the back and the effect is still pretty cool, we have to say.

4:53PM One more 3D demo -- How to Train Your Dragon. We saw this at IDF a couple months back.

4:53PM Okay, so now we need a Core i7 and two HD cameras duct-taped together in addition to the silly glasses. 3D is great!

4:52PM This is actually pretty awesome -- he's color-correcting and titling the 3D video live as it plays. And remember, it's not a fancy 3D camera -- it's two HD video streams playing at once overlaid with each other.

4:51PM "Two kids, a little chocolate... it's going to be magic, right?"

4:51PM Intel hardware is fast enough to just duct-tape two HD camcorders together and make an ersatz 3D camera. Pretty clever!

4:50PM Time for a demo!

4:50PM Some sports, some racing game. "It's be even cooler if we could make 3D content in our own homes."

4:49PM Avatar followed by U2 doing Sunday Bloody Sunday. Excellent thematic unity.

4:49PM Hey, it's the Avatar trailer in 3D! Never seen that before. This is our land!

4:48PM It's time to wear the glasses. Paul: "You can imagine what this looks like from here." Slightly sillier than it looks from the seats, we'd bet.

4:47PM "We see 3D moving from the studios to the home, and we're providing the computing horsepower to do it."

4:46PM Just in case you're wondering, yes -- there are 3D glasses on the seats and there will be a 3D demo. The sky is still blue, puppies are still adorable, and CES events all still require attendees to wear silly glasses.

4:45PM Paul's talking about how HD has driven the industry, and he thinks 3D is the next big thing.

4:44PM Paul: "I'm really glad to see bacon is still a big part of our lives in the future."

4:44PM An ESP robot has provided bacon because one of the dudes thought of bacon. Also, bacon cures cancer in 2025.

4:43PM The dudes are in 2025 at some family's house. The police have not apprehended them for breaking and entering.

4:43PM "Today I'm going to talk about how personal computing is evolving." Time to check in on the time travel video!

4:42PM "I believe we're on the cusp of a new era in computer... where computing is integrated into every aspect of our lives. We hope to deliver a seamless experience on any device anywhere."

4:41PM "Today we have the industry's first shipping 32nm microprocessor... if the auto industry worked like we do, cars would go 470,000mph, get 100,000mpg, and cost three cents."

4:40PM "The new processors we're introducing at CES today have over a billion transistors... Moore's Law isn't a law of nature, it's a law of human inventiveness. Every two years, we schedule a breakthrough."

4:40PM "As you know, Intel is a company built on Moore's Law." Yes, we all know.

4:39PM Paul is sending his dudes into the future to tell him what's what. This will clearly be a running theme. Oh -- and Paul's on stage now!

4:38PM "We can't rely on surprises." But we can rely on Moore's Law!

4:38PM We're watching a jokey video about Intel's marketing efforts to "sponsor tomorrow."

4:37PM "Intel's 'Our rockstars aren't like our rockstars' line could well be the motto of CES."

4:36PM Also sweet: the Intel Atom processor. Gary's big into it.

4:36PM Paul Otellini is a pretty sweet dude, says Gary.

4:34PM Gary Shapiro, president of CES, now on stage to intro Paul Otellini.

4:34PM Actually, the whole blurred-out party-every-day vibe of this track fits CES sort of perfectly. We certainly feel cracked out, yet alive.

4:32PM We're starting -- the Black Eyed Peas are on. By the time CES is over we're going to automatically yank out a laptop and get ready to start liveblogging whenever we hear "I Gotta Feeling."

4:30PM They're playing Californication. Things are real mellow.

4:28PM So on the way here we had to walk through the new iLounge Pavilion in the North Hall, and well -- Macworld isn't dead. It's here at CES, and it picked up some trashy booth babes along the way.