Vice President, People for the Ethical Treatment of iPads (PETi)
To: YouTube user THISisCaSpEr
Dear Mr. THISisCaSpEr,
We received an anonymous tip from a friend of iPads about the horrendous treatment that you gave to a poor, defenseless iPad yesterday. He sent pictures and a video, so there's no way that you're going to weasel out of this one, buster!
These young iPads (or Pad Puppies as we call them) experience plenty of trauma being dragged away from their parents, forced into boxes with fruit stickers inside of them, and then sold into slavery to surf the web, check email, and play games for their brutal owners. The thought of all those people stroking their fingers over these young iPads just makes me sick. You, sir, take matters beyond that with your violent and unjustified attacks.
We're publicizing this brutal and pointless beating, Mr. THISisCaSpEr, so that others will see what a horrific scene you created. And if we can take some sort of action against you, we will.
We would like to protect our readers from the ghastly sight of the iPad being beaten, dropped, and otherwise abused, so we've hidden the video on the next page. Click the Read More link, if you dare, but please don't let children see this. They may get the idea that they should grow up to be rich sophomoric jerks who have nothing better to do than to pulverize expensive equipment for no apparent reason.