Scientists formalize perfect handshake; world peace on track for 2012
By Trent Wolbe 
posted July 16th 2010 11:02AM
posted July 16th 2010 11:02AM
PH = (e² + ve²)(d²) + (cg + dr)² + π{(4< s >2)(4< p >2)}² + (vi + t + te)² + {(4< c >2)(4< du >2)}²
Where (e) is eye contact (1=none; 5=direct) 5; (ve) is verbal greeting (1=totally inappropriate; 5=totally appropriate) 5; (d) is Duchenne smile - smiling in eyes and mouth, plus symmetry on both sides of face, and slower offset (1=totally non-Duchenne smile (false smile); 5=totally Duchenne) 5; (cg) completeness of grip (1=very incomplete; 5=full) 5; (dr) is dryness of hand (1=damp; 5=dry) 4; (s) is strength (1= weak; 5=strong) 3; (p) is position of hand (1=back towards own body; 5=other person's bodily zone) 3; (vi) is vigour (1=too low/too high; 5=mid) 3; (t) is temperature of hands (1=too cold/too hot; 5=mid) 3; (te) is texture of hands (5=mid; 1=too rough/too smooth) 3; (c) is control (1=low; 5=high) 3; (du) is duration (1= brief; 5=long) 3.
It's that easy!
Perhaps just as interesting is the fact that this formula was arrived at by University of Manchester scientists hired by Chevrolet "as part of a handshake training guide for its staff to prepare them ahead of the launch of the new 5 Year Promise offer, which aims to offer peace of mind and reassurance to its customers."
Now excuse us while we go practice with our best friend for the rest of our useful lives.
[Image courtesy of Aidan_Jones]
Where (e) is eye contact (1=none; 5=direct) 5; (ve) is verbal greeting (1=totally inappropriate; 5=totally appropriate) 5; (d) is Duchenne smile - smiling in eyes and mouth, plus symmetry on both sides of face, and slower offset (1=totally non-Duchenne smile (false smile); 5=totally Duchenne) 5; (cg) completeness of grip (1=very incomplete; 5=full) 5; (dr) is dryness of hand (1=damp; 5=dry) 4; (s) is strength (1= weak; 5=strong) 3; (p) is position of hand (1=back towards own body; 5=other person's bodily zone) 3; (vi) is vigour (1=too low/too high; 5=mid) 3; (t) is temperature of hands (1=too cold/too hot; 5=mid) 3; (te) is texture of hands (5=mid; 1=too rough/too smooth) 3; (c) is control (1=low; 5=high) 3; (du) is duration (1= brief; 5=long) 3.
It's that easy!
Perhaps just as interesting is the fact that this formula was arrived at by University of Manchester scientists hired by Chevrolet "as part of a handshake training guide for its staff to prepare them ahead of the launch of the new 5 Year Promise offer, which aims to offer peace of mind and reassurance to its customers."
Now excuse us while we go practice with our best friend for the rest of our useful lives.
[Image courtesy of Aidan_Jones]
@pple is poo
PH = perfect handshake u n00b read the title
@pple is poo
PH = perfect handshake n00b
@pple is poo This is funny as the formula doesn't take into account hand size or more accurately size difference, which will affect hand position thusly throwing the whole equation into question, promptly forming a singularity into which both the shaker and the shakees hands will disappear transforming that mass into pure heat and energy (takes breath). Once again stupid inane formulas lose and entropy wins......every time
Where's the bacteria variable?
NO TOUCHING!
reminds me of nokia lol
I hope the formula takes compensates for distance to subject. Because my pointer is rarely ever actually on what I'm looking at. It usually gets shoved to the side and sits there until im ready to perform a task with it
If they literally monitor where the mouse sits, this is completely useless and probably counterproductive for them
@moonlitegram
oops, this was meant for the google pointer topic. lol
Two new research programs for PBJ and PHJ have been approved. Any Volunteers?
meh
*bumps fists instead*
@icepop77
if they handshake like that, they blew it!
1. How do they possibly derive pi as a constant in that equation?
2. Surely "color of hand" (skin color) is an important variable (1 - big difference in skin color, 5 - skin color matches). I'll take racism, intentional or unintentional, over "Duchenne smile" any day of the week as being more influential.
I've created the perfect shake after using the loo...
it's always been a relief.
@awk If u look @ the source link, there a square root before the first term.
Impending doom alert! Vogons are about to destroy the world for a hyperspace bypass!
Why else do you think Arthur Dent rescued Ford(!) Prefect when he was about to shake hands with an oncoming car? If he'd done a perfect handshake, the fine-structure constant would have shifted and the universe as we know it would have poofed in a plume of exhaust gas.
The answer to Life, the Universe and Everything would not be 42 anymore but rather somewhere around 11-79 and 11-83.
@heathmaxie I totally agree with you!
Albert Einstein once said:
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Thanks for proving this...... LOL
Why look at the Equations and maths mumbo jumbo when the diagram is a left-handed shake....