Amy Schley as Patent
Hey dere mon, de Patent troll is back! Ta celebrate my return to da wondaful world'a Azeroth, my buddies and me, we went on a pub crawl! I be most glad dere weren't any sobriety checkpoints out. Da evenin' started at Silvermoon City, at da Royal Exchange Inn. I had never had anything ta drink, so I was starting da [It's Happy Hour Somewhere] achievement from step one. (What? Dose big floppy feet -- de're like camel humps. Bein' a troll be awesome mon.) I decided to start like a good rogue wit' some Thistle Tea. Of course, ta drink thistle tea, ya can't be at full energy. Dere was one fewer bunny by da trees in da Exchange. My buddy Fritter hit Dalaran first and brought tons of nice drinks, plus dis awesome offhand piece. It went awesome wit' da rest of my drinking outfit. And Keyaren conjured up some drinks for me too! So anyway, back to da drinkin'. I followed up da tea wit' about five Glass of Dalaran White, used some Conjured Water as a palate refresher, and then had some honey mead. After dat, I hit four Jugs of Bourbon. After that, had to clear da head, so had some Conjured Fresh Water. It wasn't enough.
We was feelin' pretty good, so we moved on over to da Undercity. Raptas -- dey been hard ta steer when drunk. We didn't go in da city itself -- just had ourselves a party by dat translocation orb. Had a few more drinks -- some Conjured Purified Water and den my friend Danuta dropped a Cask of Dalaran Red and a Cask of Dalaran White. I love dat tree cow person. After some fireworks and dancing, we decided to take da party to Orgrimmar. Instead of taking da zeppelin, though, we got a port. (Sorry mage friend -- I was too drunk to remember your name.) So we had ourselves a party! We had a great time dere, wit' Ice Cold Milk, Melon Juice, a few Bottles of Pinot Noir, some Flasks of Port, a skin or two of Dwarven Stout, and a Skin of Mulgore Firewater in honor of our great cow friends. I t'ink dis was when my White Tuxedo Shirt came off. I was also turned into a bunny. Why'd dat happen again?
Anyway, from dere we flew down to Ratchet to head to Booty Bay! On da boat, we found some Cherry Grog, but I was too young to drink it. Really mon? I can get wasted on everyt'in' else, but I can't drink cherry grog? Anyway, we got to da inn which had Junglevine Wine. Dat stuff packs a punch mon! We went up ta visit da Captain, danced around, and jumped off da spar into da bay. Whee!! (Da pants came off den. What? Da booze, it make my clothes fall off.) I also had a Glass of Aged Dalaran Red, a Bottle of Silvermoon Port, some Caraway Burnwine, and a Flagon of Mead. Havin' pretty much exhausted da store bought drinkin' options, we ported up to Stonard and caravaned to da Dark Portal. (Oh yeah, lowbies can totally go through it ta get ta da Outlands now!)
Da drinkin' options in Shattrath were not very impressive. I can't drink Black Coffee
even if I wanted to! I still had some Snowplum Brandy
in my bags, so that got drank, and den Danuta (oh, I love dat tree!) made us some Captain Rumsey's Lager
. Da band was going to start soon, and I got up and danced behind da drum kit. We decided ta finish da trip in Dalaran. Dere was just one problem -- no mages who could port us dere. Lolala da warlock came to da rescue though! She summoned all of us to da Filthy Animal, where I had a Cup of Frog Venom Brew
, and a Flask of Bitter Cactus Cider
, and finally, some Lord of Frost's Private Brew
. And if you're keeping track, dat was 25 different drinks, and I got It's Happy Hour Somewhere
. After dat, we headed up to da Purple Parlor for a nice picture. Ta all da great guildies, t'ank you so much for a great time!!!
Lisa Poisso as Prupher
I thought I'd be level 10 by now -- but alas, completism and correctness set in before I could even get out of the starting area. Must ... stop ... editing! It took me all night to make my way through Thunder Bluff and on to Silvermoon City in preparation for questing there. Shouldn't I grab these flight points before I get too far away? Whoa, I should train this. What's in the bank? (I don't know; I don't have access.) Oh wait, I can't hold that; I still only have one bag. I could pick a few herbs real quick to sell to my ba -- oh wait, I need to log out and make a banker. There. Back to Prupher. Now I'll just send these over -- argh, I don't have
30 copper for postage! Let me run down and kill something real quick ... Then again, shouldn't I be moving to Silvermoon to do all this? OK, I'll just take the zep to UC -- but oh wait, look, there's an herb over there ...
Perhaps this week, this silly tauren will finally be "ready" to play.
Robin Torres as Roblinator
Note: Cataclysm spoilers ahead. Proceed at your own risk.
So, here's the deal. I was the boss. I was movin' up. I had a nice house, a boyfriend and, much more importantly, a personal assistant. I worked hard and it was paying off. I thought.
Here's the problem with my people. As you move up, you get sycophants. "That's a problem?" you may ask. Yes, yes it is. Sycophants suck up. They say what you want to hear. They rarely give any really good advice. It's all "You're going to be Trade Princess!" and "I'll be loyal to you forever!" But at the first sign of trouble, it's "I can't talk to you." and "Roblinator who?"
A volcano erupts which was totally not my fault -- all rumors to the contrary -- and the next thing I know, I'm handing over all of my worldly possessions (and some that weren't mine) to the Trade Prince just to not become a lava statue. Not that everything is bad now. I may not have a boyfriend or a personal assistant, but I am buds with Thrall. I mean, who can say that? (I don't really want to know.)
Anyway, I'm coming to a point here. I need people to advise me that aren't always trying to blow smoke up my All-in-1-der belt. And, since I'm broke, I need them to work for free. I hear that you
are those people. I'm not agreeing to follow all of your advice, but I am soliciting it nonetheless. I'll make my own decisions accordingly. So, show up tonight, Goblin.tv
, at 11 p.m. promptly. I don't tolerate lateness in my employees -- even the ones who work for free.
Please join us on Zangarmarsh (US-PvE-H) in <It came from the Blog>. Guild ranks of "Blog Lurker" or above can invite, so /whisper Robiness or any online member. You are all welcome as long as you play by our simple rules -- basically, don't be a funsucker! Visit the guild FAQ for more details.