Josh Myers as Clergelam
In last week's CMA, Clergelam was starting to seem a bit more like a humanitarian and less like a psychotic trade princess willing to do anything to stay on top. In this week's CMA, she's back to being an awful person. I'm not surprised.
First off, let's talk about the pygmies. They're a previously unknown species whose existence is most likely restricted to the Lost Isles (assuming they're not related to the Uldum pygmies). Their island was being invaded by small green people who like to set off explosions, kill the local wildlife, and otherwise wreak havoc on the island's ecosystem. As a result, the pygmies fought back, capturing the greedy goblins and turning some into zombies.
Rather than the usual system of parlay and diplomacy, Clergelam settled on the significantly more imperialistic system of Kill All the Things, starting with the shaman, the pygmies' spiritual leaders, then on to the chieftain of the tribe, and then his three lieutenants. In one fell swoop, Clergelam systematically annihilated the leaders of an entire species, most likely setting back their industrial revolution by a few hundred years.
That is, their industrial revolution would have been set back a few hundred years, if not for Clergelam's next epic quest. Not content with hamstringing the entire pygmy government, she attacked the heart of the society's belief system itself, slaying their gigantic turtle god in his volcano home. Naturally, killing the heart of the volcano caused it to erupt and destroy the entire island, adding both the destruction of an entire ecosystem and the genocide of the pygmy race to her resume. She's a swell gal.
Thrall doesn't seem to mind, though, and is actually being a helpful friend to Clergelam. Currently, the two are collaborating on a plan to escape from the Lost Isle, and I'm a little terrified to see who gets burned in the process.
Joe Perez as Haemon
Dis week mon, I be helping da good folks of Razor Hill. See, der be dis flood, and so many folks be put out by it. Me heart bleeds for dem, mon. So, I hike up me paws and wade some water, mon. Der be this Orc mon, he be big and he be upset. These prickly men, dey think dey have run of da place. Well, ol' Haemon tell da angry Orc that he be willing to help. Now, I be about balance mon, and killing these pointy pig men, now dat was balance. Da Orc he seem happier, so I know I did me good deed der, mon.
Then me eyes do see an old woman; she be chin deep in da waters, mon. So I go to her and I escort her back to da angry Orc, and now he be even less angry mon. Then I go see another Orc mon, and she be much younger. She be wanting some teeth, so ol' Haemon, he be obliging. Whack a gator on da noggin, take dey teeth. Simple! She be happy 'bout dat, and I be movin' on.
I see a Troll brudda in need, so I be helping him, mon. I chase da plainstriders off for him, and then I take me hand at defending him by taking out this big blue raptor, mon. He was tough, but ol' Haemon be tougher!
After I be making sure da marsh is calm and safe for all me bruddas and sistas, I take me a break and head to da big city! I get me a haircut, mon, and I be stylin', if I say so meself. I hung out with da Goblins who be hanging out in da city. Dey be pretty cool, mon. Dey give me food and drink even when I tell dem I have no money! Dey kept sayin sumtin' about a gaggle of gulls or some such. Ah well, Haemon like dem just da same.
Before me day is done, I gets me a letter in da mail. In it be this wee little hatchling. I name him Fred, mon. He be da cutest ting I see in a long time mon. He keep giving me flowers and he be doing a dance I never seen before!
You get to choose where each adventurer gets to quest (when not PVPing or dungeonating).
Polls end Monday. Results will be in Thursday's column.
Please join us on Zangarmarsh (US-PVE-H) in It came from the Blog. All guild ranks can invite, so /whisper Roblinator or any online member. You are all welcome as long as you play by our simple rules -- basically, don't be a funsucker! Visit the guild FAQ for more details.