Please bear in mind, and resemblance to characters past or present is not purely coincidental; if you recognize any of the cast, it may be because you have had the privilege of unknowingly guest-starring in an episode of Aion's
premier soap opera!
The very first character named in the very first episode
, Pwnzoo is a gallant Templar, fighting for the forces of good (as defined by his race, of course) and the love of his life: QueenHealy. A true knight, he stands ready to vanquish any foe if she just says the word. His gleaming plate armor shields him from the nastiest of blows... and apparently the obvious as well, as he seems to have no knowledge of his love's trysts with half of the legion.
The Cleric love of Pwnzoo's life, QueenHealy reigns over all. Or so she thinks. In reality, QueenHealy's only real connection to the leadership position is being the Brigadier General's wife! Oddly, though, we never actually see TheCap'n anymore; there is some speculation about hubby's whereabouts and whether his absence involved some form of foul play or simply a bid for freedom. Best known for using the legion as her personal escort service, QueenHealy has multiple alts for her dalliances, including a Ranger and Spiritmaster. However, she doesn't need alts to carry out her affairs; in fact, she cavorts quite openly throughout the ranks, nevermind that said affairs cause rifts that can ultimately destroy a legion
A Sorcerer of considerable power, he is the next of QueenHealy's escorts, though his escapades are actually with the queen's Ranger. He is both quiet and patient, always waiting for those moments his beloved can spare for him... which are too few. Little else is currently known of this mage.
Ninjaarrow sports a notoriously short fuse and explodes at the slightest provocation, real or imagined. Not caring about his targets (be they enemies, legion-mates, or innocent passers-by), Ninjaarrow will try all methods to tear down his opponent once he's on the warpath. The only exception seems to be his adoration of his completely perfect girl, despite the fact he knows she has other "lives." Yes, this stealthy Ranger's connection to QueenHealy is via her Spiritmaster; Ninjaarrow turns to putty when summoned by the lurid promises of his temptress. Ninjaarrow also cares little for others and considers them expendable pawns; the only one with any real worth to him is his sweetheart.
The loose-lipped Gladiator Pokeypole prides himself on being the ultimate confidante, and he is willing to declare that loudly and prove it to everyone! He has troves of information (validity is not an issue here) and opinions and is more than eager to share with any and everyone -- confidentially, of course! The group gossip, Pokeypole has some strange delusion that he is the pillar of trustworthiness and is above reproach. Whether his actions are malicious or unintentional is unknown, but Pokeypole is the epicenter of a significant amount of drama even as he bemoans said drama. He also has a tendency to rope others into his problems.
Young in age and maturity, the Chanter Speedylips decries the unfairness of the world and life, loudly and repeatedly. And then some more. "Woe is me!" could be her mantra over and above Celerity and Victory. Prone to whining incessantly, Speedylips thinks the world is always coming to an end and that she is put upon grievously. She is also known to broadcast the details of her personal life to anyone who will listen, and even those who won't! She might actually be skilled, but she doesn't stop complaining long enough to find out.
The more shapely of the Rangers in the cast, Bowbabe has a bit of a superiority complex. It's not that she thinks she's really so much better than everyone else... heck she'd have to acknowledge other people's existence to do that! Bowbabe will literally forgo doing anything if her crew isn't there... anything but complain that they aren't there, of course. Anyone outside of her clique is sub-Deava and unworthy for consideration for groups or anything else.
The epitome of self-righteousness, the Chanter BuffBuff truly feels his mere presence is a blessing to others. He is
the Seraphim Lords' gift to Atreia, didn't you know? His plans are all that matters, loot should be his by default, and everything should center around him. Oh, did the legionmates need him for something? Well, too bad because he already made plans with people more awesome than they.
Known to all but liked by few, MrAwesomePants (he changed his own name, of course!) is the commanding leader of all the forces, the faction leader. True, he is decent enough at the tactics of the position, but he has no interpersonal skills to speak of. And by none, we mean negative: He explodes at people, berates them publicly, and can't manage any civilized conversation, let alone relationship. Let's not even get into the relationships; he might actually rival QueenHealy. Even more frighteningly, the women seem to go into it willingly, all with the promise of mooching something off of him in return. Why is he never deposed? Because no one else in his right mind wants the job! Someone has to lead the sieges
, so why not him?
And introducing LilPup!
Making his debut appearance, the young little minor LilPup tries so very hard to pass himself off as an adult. He doesn't get the nuances of banter and overextends his cursing muscle at inopportune times, as if saying "adult" words louder and more frequently makes him sound that much more manly. He is there, all but begging QueenHealy to turn her attention to him so he can "experience" the game (and you just know she might!). He lies about his age, brags about his conquests, and regales everyone with tales of his awesomeness as only a 12-year-old truly can. But he isn't fooling anyone; Daeva or not, a child is still a child. Other Daevas just pat him on the head, nod politely, and go about their business.
Look for LilPup and the rest of the cast in upcoming episodes of Daevas of Our Lives! And in the meantime, tell me: Has any of the cast paid a surprise visit in your Atreian travels? Or do you know even more characters worthy of screen time? Please feel free to share any of your own episodes of Aion
soap operas in the comments below!
Soaring through the Aionosphere, MJ Guthrie touches down weekly to bring you Wings Over Atreia. Featuring tips, guides, and general snippets of life in Aion, the column is better than Tutty-on-a-stick, ackackackackackack! Have a suggestion to share? No need to bribe a Shugo -- just send mail to email@example.com.