1. Anarchy Online: The Notum Wars
Let's get this straight: None of these names is truly atrocious. It's just that these 10 fail at being a captivating, courageous, or understandable name in some way.
So why should we start with The Notum Wars
? Tell me the truth: Does that name really grab you? I thought not. "Wars" should always be prefaced in fiction with an exciting or bold word. Notum is not only a slight mispronunciation away from "naughty," but it's just dull
. It's like if I were to call a movie "The Gluten Wars" or "The Clone Wars." If I do that, it's because I am late for an appointment and am just reading whatever word is in front of me at the breakfast table.
It's so hard to mess up the "The ______ Wars" format that I have to put Anarchy Online
on the list for filling in that blank with a blank.
I told you I was going to be petty.
2. EverQuest: The Legacy of Ykesha
Now I feel like I'm dog-piling on EverQuest
, but since that game's had around 145 expansions, it's bound to have a few stinkers by default. SOE's
actually done a fine job with most of the names, but this one rubs me the wrong way.
How come? "Ykesha" is a nothing word. It's gibberish and tells me nothing about the expansion. Two science-fiction and fantasy naming tropes that bother me are when writers use apostrophes to make words sound alien and when writers slam non-neighborly letters together to create awkward proper nouns.
Ykesha sounds like what a cat horks up. That makes me a lot
less interested in its legacy.
3. Final Fantasy XI: Treasures of Aht Urhgan
And here the writer of the expansion suffered a mild stroke halfway through the name.
4. Ultima Online: Samurai Empire
I dislike this for the same reason that I'm not overly fond of RIFT: Storm Legion
. The name doesn't gel. They're two strong words that should be totally fine in a three-legged contest but end up sounding a little juvenile in reality. I can see an eighth grader drawing a doodle comic called Samurai Empire; I have a hard time picturing businessmen giving that name the OK for a major product release.
Also, if you've got samurai in your expansion, there are just so, so many cooler titles out there. This is lack of imagination at work.
5. Star Wars Galaxies: Rage of the Wookiees
Wookiees get stereotyped all the time as 'roid ragers, and I don't appreciate SWG
profiling them as such. Wookiees raging? Get out
. I'm shocked they didn't follow that up with Shuffle of the Ewoks, Misfiring of the Stormtroopers
, and Beeping of the Droids
Leave Wookiees alone!
6. EverQuest II: The Splitpaw Saga
EverQuest II: The Splitpea Soup
7. EVE Online: Red Moon Rising
expansions favor strong single words that are sometimes an ideal followup for '60s English rock bands. But here a critical error was made, and the time for our attack has come.
It's like CCP
transformed into a bad country crooner overnight, trading in spaceships for a beat up guitar and a failed marriage. Or if we want to go a different tack, it's a couple of phrases short of a botched Lucky Charms commercial: red moons, pink clovers, and so on.
Also -- and here comes the pettiness -- moons don't rise in space. They kind of just float there.
8. City of Heroes: Going Rogue
Nothing about this title works. Nothing. First of all, CoH
already established the naming format by the time it got to City of Villains
. Going Rogue
is the second expansion (shh, don't argue semantics; I honestly don't care), and already you're getting away from the most recognizable element of your name.
Second, what does "going rogue" tell you? That Sarah Palin's gotten into MMO development? It's unusual to have an expansion start out with a verb, I'll grant you that, but it's such a vague clause that I have felt apathetic about it every time I've read it somewhere. City of Turncoats
or City of Heroes: Switcharoo
aren't much better, but at least those stay on message.
9. Lineage II: Freya
None of the other titles on this list gives me an eye twitch, but this one does. NCsoft
, what the heck were you thinking? It's just a single name that communicates nothing unless you're a lingerie fan
Lineage II: Harry. Lineage II: Gertrude. Lineage II: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince.
You see the problem here?
10. Dungeons and Dragons Online: Menace of the Underdark
We need to accept this as a geek community and move on: George Lucas ruined the word "menace" for at least 40 more years. Every time I see that word, I add "phantom" in front of it, and then I go into convulsions.
Or even worse, I put "Dennis the" up front and then perish of an acute lack of humor.
Justin "Syp" Olivetti enjoys counting up to ten, a feat that he considers the apex of his career. If you'd like to learn how to count as well, check out The Perfect Ten. You can contact him via email at email@example.com or through his gaming blog, Bio Break.