If you own a smartphone -- no matter the brand -- you're silently casting your vote in an ongoing battle between two very distinct camps: iPhone users and non-iPhone users. There's no greater divide in the mobile landscape; There's Android vs. Windows Phone, Android vs. iOS, and BlackBerry vs. anyone who has upgraded their phone in the last half decade, but none of these can match the bad blood that seems to materialize whenever a non-iPhone user decides to opine about those who carry Apple's smartphone.
I'm an iPhone owner -- I've owned every model so far, with the exception of the 5c -- and although it's hard for me to do so with a smile, I know exactly why the rest of the smartphone-owning populous hates us. For example, only an iPhone owner would feel the need to tell you how many iPhones they've owned so far. Yeah, I'm part of the problem.
But there's no better way to show why our kind is despised than to point out a few products that are targeted almost exclusively at iPhone owners. Let's begin.
Do you know who needs an iPhone-connected egg tray? Nobody. Not a single person on the face of this beautiful planet needs one of these things, but you can bet your ass that if there's anyone able to convince themselves that they do, it's an iPhone user.
Need proof? Just look at the product photos. Keep in mind that the Egg Minder -- yeah, that's its real name -- is also compatible with Android devices. You won't actually see an Android device being used with it, however, because iPhone owners are the only ones capable of tricking themselves into believing that this is something worth spending money on. Do I want one? Of course I do, and I don't even buy eggs.
Leave it to iPhone owners to argue for years that Apple's smartphones don't need gigantic screens like their Android and Windows competitors, only to go and buy a coffee table that converts the iPhone display into a 60-inch monstrosity. It's called the Table Connect, and while you can't order one (yet), you can be sure iPhone users will line up around the block to get one.
The Table Connect can even be propped up vertically, which kind of makes it look like a gigantic iPhone stuck to the floor. If this thing isn't an iPhone user's dream come true, I don't know what is. It'll cost a fortune, but it's not like that matters to us, right? Credit cards exist for a reason, ladies and gentlemen.
Ok, this one is a touchy subject, but it is what it is; many Apple users are still really bummed out that we lost Steve Jobs -- and when I say "we," I don't mean the customers, I mean humanity in general. That being said, iPhone users are also the only ones who would plaster a tribute to a former CEO on their smartphones for all to see. He was a cultural icon, and his untimely passing made his contributions to technology seem all the more valuable, but I can't for the life of me imagine seeing Bill Gates on a Lumia or Larry Page on a Nexus.
Romo is a perfect example of iPhone users not being satisfied with what they already have. No, this remarkably powerful hand-held computer that can render console-quality gaming experiences and access a world of information isn't enough... we want to turn it into a robot, too.
You plug your iPhone into the Romo bot and it becomes an autonomous plaything, capable of venturing far and wide. It's only compatible with the iPhone, of course, because all the other smartphone users are way too busy using their devices the way they were designed to be used. Us? We plug it into a hideously charming little two-tracked mobile dock and let it roam around our house.
Vyne is the ultimate lazy accessory, which makes it ideal for iPhone owners. It's essentially a bendable cord with a clip on the end for your smartphone. It can be shaped to hold your iPhone in any position, and it's even shown off wrapped around a user's neck, with an iPhone positioned right in front of his mug.
This is your quintessential iPhone devotee. He's got Netflix playing, and he's way too lazy to actually hold the 4 ounce phone himself, so why not buy a giant cord snake and force it to do his bidding?
The Vyne could be used with any smartphone, of course, but once again it's only shown alongside Apple's device. Why? Because my credit card is already out and I've been looking for just this very thing all morning. How much is it, how many can I buy, and can I purchase through Amazon Prime to get the free two-day shipping?
- Key specs
- Type Smartphone
- Operating system iOS
- Screen size 4.7 inches
- Internal memory 16 GB
- Carriers (US) AT&T
- Dimensions 5.44 x 2.64 x 0.28 in
- Weight 5.04 oz
- Released 2015-09-25