Welcome to Joystiq Weekly, a "too long; didn't read" of each week's biggest stories, reviews and original content. Each category's top story is introduced with a reactionary gif, because moving pictures aren't just for The Daily Prophet.
Between the new Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze
, Tony Hawk's involvement in a new game and talk of a Doom beta, this week feels like a list of lost events from the '90s. Not that we're complaining, of course - the days of platforming in mine carts, feeding arcade machines quarters and hogging family computers from siblings were pretty wonderful times. They were simpler, too - just 151 Pokemon to keep track of, with full games and expansions instead of publishers scattering in-game content to retailers and adding season passes to everything or--
Well, it didn't take us long to trip into the "back in my day" style of reminiscing. We'll excuse ourselves for a stint of warning kids passing by to stay off our lawns, but we've left you a recap of the biggest events from this week after the break. Er ... this week being in 2014, not the '90s.