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The worst article about the iPhone 6 has already been written

iphone busted

The iPhone 6 doesn't even officially exist yet, but the wilds of the internet have already yielded a contender for the title of "Worst iPhone 6 article ever," and it's a strong one. Coming out of LAPTOP, the piece is titled "6 Reasons the iPhone 6 Has Already Lost."

We already know we're in trouble when the opening paragraph states "Based on everything we know now, the next iPhone will be a year late and a bitcoin short of the competition," when we literally know nothing about the iPhone 6 itself. Nothing. Not a thing. And then we get into the arguments against the mythical device.

Let's break it down destroy it with extreme prejudice.

Reason #1: Weak Camera Features

While many still like the quality of the current iPhone 5s' 8-MP low-light-friendly sensor, it captures half the detail while offering none of the powerful image-processing features of its competitors.

The iPhone 5s just recently crushed the higher-megapixel competition in a blind photo "taste test." Any photographer will tell you that a ridiculously high megapixel count and lousy photo quality are not mutually exclusive.

Apple could surprise us all by including some more shooting modes and filters in the iPhone 6, but it would probably still be behind the likes of Samsung, LG and Nokia.

Right, because the most-requested feature of a new smartphone is always more filters for the camera. Puzzling, then, that the horribly underpowered lens of the iPhone has made it the most popular camera in the world.

Bottom Line: Apple's camera technology has been a selling point for years, regardless of megapixel count.

Reason #2: Poor Battery Life, No Removable Battery

If you don't like carrying a charger around with you, you'll probably be disappointed in the iPhone 6.

I'd like to just remind everyone that of all the things we don't know about the iPhone 6, the battery is a complete and total mystery. Stating you'll be disappointed by the iPhone 6 battery is like saying that riding in a flying saucer is boring. Let me know when you've done it and we'll re-examine the argument.

The article goes on to show that the iPhone 5s had a 5-hour 46-minute lifespan in LAPTOP's tests, while the average for all smartphones is 6 hours. So if we're going by these figures, half of all smartphones (including every iPhone) are essentially worthless because they won't last longer than 6 hours under torture tests.

While it is possible that the iPhone 6 will include a higher-capacity battery than its predecessor, the latest rumors peg it with a much-larger 4.7 or 5.5-inch display (perhaps one model with each), which will undoubtedly consume more power.

You know what else a larger display means? A larger body, and more room for a higher-capacity battery. The Galaxy Note 3, which is practically a tablet, has amazing battery life, and that's to say nothing of the fantastic battery life of Apple's own iPads.

Bottom Line: Bigger screens don't mean shorter battery life.

Reason #3: No NFC

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Reason #4: Too Few Sharing Options

Safari Web browser can share with Facebook, Twitter, email and SMS messaging, and the iPhoto app lets you share with Flickr and iTunes as well. ... Since neither of these preloaded apps have heard of Google+ or Pinterest, you can't share to them.

That's true, the lack of Google+ integration has really held back the iPhone from reaching critical mass. Oh wait, no it hasn't. And if tapping on a standalone app to share something is too tough, you might want to go back to a feature phone, because smartphones might not be a good fit for you.

Bottom Line: Tapping on a menu icon to share something instead of tapping on the app itself is a practically insignificant change. I tweet like a canary and I can count on one hand the number of times I've actually used the iOS integration feature, much less bemoaned the lack of Google+.

Reason #5: Weak Keyboard

Unlike most Android keyboards, Apple's has no haptic feedback, no trace (aka Swype) functionality and no ability to learn your patterns from your social networking/email accounts. And because Apple thinks it knows what you need more than you do, iOS doesn't allow you to install a third-party keyboard.

You know what? I might actually use Swype if I had the choice on my iPhone. I might, but I might not, and that goes for every iPhone owner. That being said, I don't know a single soul who ever stood before a choice of Android vs. iPhone and said to themselves "I love everything about the iPhone, but that keyboard -- which works just fine -- is a real deal breaker."

Bottom Line: More keyboard options are icing on a cake that tastes just fine the way it is.

Reason #6: Limited Customization

You don't have to be a hacker to make major changes to the look and feel of your Android phone. You can add widgets to the home screen, arrange your icons in any pattern you want or even install a completely new launcher.

This shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what consumers actually want out of a smartphone. You look at six generations of the iPhone, all with relatively limited customization options when compared to Android, and not a single one of them has problems finding a massive audience of adoring fans.

You might want to turn your home screen into the smartphone equivalent of a MySpace page -- with widgets and windows and all manner of goofy eye candy -- but what many users value more than that is something that just plain works.

Bottom Line: Consumers who absolutely must have the ability to tweak every bell and whistle on their device will still choose Android, while the rest will still strongly lean towards a mobile operating system that works well within the limits it sets for itself.

One more thing...

So no, none of these reasons seem to be even remotely within the realm of a "deal breaker" for the as-of-yet unannounced iPhone 6. But what I find most amusing about this list is that many of the sticking points actually invalidate others.

For example, the iPhone is dinged for not having a removable battery, but the Lumia line -- which adopts the same limitations -- is held up as an iPhone killer in the photography category. Android has more customization options than iOS, but even iOS has more visual customization tweaks than Windows Phone. Double standard?

All-in-all, it's an article that is almost too poorly thought out to take seriously, but too obnoxious to ignore. I'm hoping we'll all get to see "6 Reasons I was Wrong About the iPhone 6" later this year, but I somehow doubt it.

[Image credit: Siraf72]

[Hat tip to Macworld]