For satirical television news done well, tune to The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. You won't find either on Fusion. Instead, there's the animated news program Good Morning Today. The network's description speaks for itself:
"Good Morning Today is the top-rated morning show broadcast in prime time from an alternate universe. Join anchors Cathy Smiith and Rilcardo Gomez, news editor Flo Qwan and intrepid junior reporter Krish Goldstein as they bring you the best in news, entertainment, lifestyle coverage and even more news. GMT is produced by God and filmed live in The City of Big Shoulders."
Unlike the aforementioned Fusion, One America News Network actually takes its reporting seriously. Expect the low production quality you're used to with local network affiliates, but on a national scale.
"Delivering unbiased, substantive national and international news 24/7, One America delivers informative coverage on topics that impact your lives. Enjoy One America's in-depth, thought-provoking lineup. One America News Network's launch date was in July 2013 and fills a void by providing a credible source of national and international news around the clock along with a number of signature political talk shows."
AHC, part of the Discovery family, does provide some interesting content for history buffs. Unfortunately, most of it isn't unique, with programming appearing on other channels as well. This falls into the "redundant" category.
"American Heroes Channel is the only network dedicated to the timeless stories in which a challenge appears -- be it a situation or a villain -- and a hero arises. We explore compelling and uplifting true stories of the bold men and women who have distinguished themselves by their actions. These are the stories of people and events that transcend time and place: from the heroes of Omaha Beach, to the scientists who worked tirelessly during the Space Race, to the SEAL Team Six takedown of Osama Bin Laden, to a young Marine who saved lives during Hurricane Katrina."
The second History channel. 'Nuff said.
"History, now reaching more than 98 million homes, is the leading destination for award-winning original series and specials that connect viewers with history in an informative, immersive and entertaining manner across all platforms."
Go elsewhere for your skinny cupcake fix.
"LRW (Lifetime Real Women) is a network on which every series is about what’s real to the contemporary woman. The network’s schedule offers programming ranging from scripted series to specials that inspire, entertain and highlight true-to-life experiences."
Because QVC wasn't enough.
"Since 1993, our mission at Jewelry Television has been to open the world of fine jewelry and gemstones to everyone. As the largest retailer of loose gemstones and one of the top four electronic jewelry retailers in the United States, we are confident we have the fine jewelry and gemstones you’re searching for!"
Another channel for men. There are guns, survivalists and beer. It's like the magazine, but on your TV.
"Esquire Network is a lifestyle and entertainment network featuring programming that speaks to classic and contemporary passions and interests, from fashion and style to food and drink, travel and women and relationships. Esquire Network is a strategic partnership between NBCUniversal and Hearst Magazines, and is a unit of NBCUniversal Cable Entertainment, a division of NBCUniversal."
The Discovery family now includes more than a dozen channels, including Fit & Health. There might be a few more to discover in this slideshow, too. This particular channel, which launched in 2011, reaches more than 50 million American households. The network features several "docudrama" television series, including Untold Stories of the ER (pictured). It will be renamed to Discovery Life Channel beginning on January 15, 2015.
You can get your murder and embezzlement fix on plenty of the more mainstream networks, and if 24/7 crime is what you're after, there are a handful of other speciality channels, too.
"Crime & Investigation Network, dedicated to bringing you crime and justice. Unrestricted access, higher stakes. Victim, criminal, cop. The story comes full circle on Crime & Investigation Network."
"Chiller, currently available in over 40 million homes, is the only cable channel devoted to delivering viewers round-the-clock scares. Chiller's eclectic slate of adrenaline-fueled, soul-stirring entertainment includes a broad offering of films, including feature-length premieres every Friday, international programming, documentary and reality shows (Fear Factor), anthology series (The Twilight Zone), classic series (Tales From the Darkside, The Outer Limits) and some of the most thought-provoking, suspenseful contemporary series that have aired in recent years (Pushing Daisies, Dead Like Me)."
Centric, a subsidiary of BET Networks, reaches more than 50 million US households. The channel, which launched in 1996 as BET on Jazz, was rebranded in 2009. Programming includes The Cosby Show, CSI:NY, The Bernie Mac Show and Girlfriends.
More FX. More $$.
"FXM, the cable entertainment network from FX Networks, is dedicated to movies and features contemporary and classic films. The network's Emmy award-winning original programs explore the movie- and television-making process from script to screen."
So. Many. Cartoons. Your kid would probably be much happier with an iPad.
"The 24-hour preschool channel parents and kids share together. Sprout is home to trusted favorites like Sesame Street and Barney & Friends, plus innovative Sprout Originals such as The Sunny Side Up Show and The Good Night Show. From morning to night, parents and kids can share everything from singing and dancing to birthday wishes and bedtime stories."
Did you know there's a theme park called the Holy Land Experience in Orlando, Florida? Complete with a Garden of Eden, Jesus Boat and a Bethlehem Bus Loop.
"TBN is the world's largest religious network and America's most watched faith channel. TBN offers 24 hours of commercial-free inspirational programming that appeals to people in a wide variety of Protestant, Catholic and Messianic Jewish denominations."
Live Well takes all of your favorite foods and makes them healthy. So they're not your favorite foods anymore.
"The Live Well Network is your destination for lifestyle television. One of the fastest-growing digital networks, the Live Well Network offers a wide range of entertainment-based programs, including home decorating, fashion and beauty, food, health, outdoor adventures, travel and finance. The programs are hosted by a team dedicated to inspiring viewers with easy tips and great ideas."
You can subscribe to hundreds of foreign news networks, but you get NHK World for "free."
"NHK World TV is an English-language television service for viewers all over the world. NHK World TV provides the very latest information from Japan, Asia and the rest of the world, as well as a wide variety of programming, 24 hours a day. As of January, 2014, NHK World TV is available to 273 million households in more than 140 countries/regions through local satellite services, cable service providers, etc."
More content that your kid would rather watch on an iPad.
"Qubo is a safe haven where kids and their caregivers can come for entertainment that is 'Good Fun.' Qubo shows, from the leaders in children's entertainment, offer positive role models portraying good values. At Qubo, kids laugh and learn to be their best through diverse quality programming where parents are always welcome."
One of several Ion channels. Prepare to be enlightened.
"Ion Life is the country's first 24/7 network that celebrates empowered living, active lifestyles and personal growth. We strive in our commitment to provide entertainment that informs, engages and enlightens our viewers. Ion Life has become the prime destination spot for anyone who wants to enhance and enrich their life."
More football than you could possibly tolerate.
"beIN SPORTS, the English-language 24/7 international sports network, and beIN SPORTS en Español are the multi-platform sports destinations that bring to the passionate fan all the live game action, news and analysis of the top leagues around the planet, as well as exclusive and never-available-before content."
FYI: Another place to watch construction workers knock out walls as they demolish a home.
"For your inspiration, for your imagination or for your innovation, FYI embraces an adventurous, personalized and non-prescriptive approach to peoples' taste, space, look, story and more. FYI covers a range of stories and experiences that reflect how people actually live their lives today, not defined by just one passion or interest."
There are plenty of channels like Velocity -- this is Discovery's contribution to the "high-octane" mix.
"Velocity will provide high-octane programming. Velocity Network programming is diverse, intelligent and engaging, with series geared toward events; with live auctions and world rally championships; real-life, adrenaline-pumping shows; and historical and biographical programming."
It's more food, but you won't find diet cupcakes here. Cooking Channel is for real eaters. They're heating up that wood over there as they prepare to grill an entire cow (seriously).
"Cooking Channel is an entertainment brand dedicated to today's passionate food lover. From the creators of Food Network, it's for food people, by food people. We throw open the doors for this audience on TV and online, sparking the conversations that fuel people's passion for food and cooking. Dynamic experts offer depth and detailed information including unconventional how-tos, global cuisine, wines and spirits, international travel, history, hidden gems and even some classic favorites."
Your all-American network. Like a "One America News" for features.
"Destination America is the only network to celebrate the people, places and stories of the United States. The inclusive network targeting adults (25 to 54) is available in nearly 60 million homes, emblazoning television screens with the grit and tenacity, honesty and work ethic, humor and adventurousness that characterize our nation. Destination America features travel, food, adventure, home and natural history."
If you have a lot of money, you might like AWE. You're paying for it either way.
"Formerly known as WealthTV, AWE is a 24/7, high-definition cable television network devoted to taking viewers on a journey of how wealth is achieved, used and enjoyed. With engaging programming that connects with a high-profile audience, AWE has broad appeal across age and income demographics while holding a special appeal to the highest-income households. Successfully launched on June 1, 2004, AWE is distributed by cable and satellite service providers around the globe."
Reality overload. Just look at all those titles!
"truTV, one of cable's fastest-growing brands, offers a wildly entertaining look at the real world through outrageous characters, unpredictable situations and irreverent storytelling. Currently seen in 92 million US households, truTV features such popular original series as Impractical Jokers, Killer Karaoke, Hardcore Pawn, Lizard Lick Towing, Guinness World Records Unleashed, Storage Hunters, South Beach Tow, Full Throttle Saloon, Container Wars, and Upload with Shaquille O'Neal."
Pivot seems to be dealing with an identity crisis, at least based on the description below.
"We've got all the usual stuff like original shows, movies and docs, but we've also got a little something more. When you watch Pivot TV, you won't just be entertained. You can also take action on the issues raised in our content. The chance to do something about it will be right there on the screen, or just inside the next commercial break. So go ahead and pivot. You just might be able to make a meaningful difference in the world. Pivot TV: It's Your Turn."
Another place to watch some old movies and canceled television shows.
"TVGN is a highly distributed entertainment network owned by CBS Corporation and Lionsgate. The venture combines CBS’ programming, production and marketing assets with Lionsgate's resources in motion pictures, television and digitally delivered content. Seen in more than 80 million homes, TVGN's programming celebrates Hollywood with original series and specials that cover celebrity lifestyles, entertainment news, the red carpets and what Hollywood does best -- movies."
This one's all about music... just like the 20 other music channels you subscribe to.
"Palladia is your all-access pass to the hottest events from MTV, VH1 and CMT: MTV Video Music Awards, VH1 Divas and the CMT Music Awards, as well as iconic music series like Unplugged, VH1 Storytellers and CMT Crossroads. Palladia scours the globe for marquee festivals and concerts featuring artists such as Coldplay, Bruce Springsteen, Beyoncé, Foo Fighters, Adele, Radiohead, Linkin Park, Rush, Arcade Fire, Pink and more."
More old movies. Might as well check the lineup and set the DVR.
"Sony Movie Channel is the first US multi-platform television network from Sony Pictures Entertainment created specifically for the Hollywood movie fan, offering uncut and uncensored movies in stunning high definition. Programming is selected from more than 3,500 Sony Pictures films, which collectively have received 184 Academy Awards including 12 for Best Picture."
Another unknown network with 24/7 programming for your kids. Or you can get full episodes on the Hub Network app for iPad.
"Hub Network is a fun channel that brings kids and their families together to enjoy clever stories and engaging characters in new and classic comedies, animated adventures, fan-favorite movies and live-action shows. Hub Network is brought to you by two of the best names in entertainment: Discovery Communications and Hasbro, Inc."