We do not have electricity out here on the compound, so we don't watch TV, which is controlled by the government anyway and we wouldn't watch it for that reason. But I do need an aerobics stepping stool for my Jane Fonda workout tape, and this would do nicely.

Family and friends, and closeups of bugs.

Unreal Tournament. Whatever year.

Would this work on Linux?

Yeah yeah yeah, but will it run OS X?

The Government is already using these devices overseas for detainee interrogation. It takes a very long time for you to type out a confession using your mind, and that's just part of the torture now isn't it?

Far simpler, easier, and cheaper to just call in the Orkin man to spray the yard with pyrethrins. $45 later and you're tick-free. 100% killed, no stragglers.

I just got off the phone with my old college buddy who is a cousin of Steve Jobs and used to work for Apple Computer.

The long and short of it: Yes, it's real. And what's more, it's not an iPod like you gadget heads are thinking. It's the resurrection of the NEWTON!

That's right, they've worked on an updated Linux-based version of the old OS, better handwriting recognition, voice recognition, runs all the old Newton software in a compatibility mode, plus it will let you navigate and download road maps with built-in GPS module and EVDO for high speed data. Also has a built-in USB port and a 2-button mouse is standard. Comes with 128M RAM, upgradeable to 512M. Stylus not included, but you can buy these at any Apple store.

Initial pricing hasn't been set but it will probably be sub-$200 range to start.

And you can bet that the government is buying tons of these to use for their usual nefarious purposes.

Instead of a GPS, the cops should fire sticky grenades, exactly like the ones they use in Unreal Tournament 2004.

Then whenever the cop presses the alternate-fire button on his sticky grenade launcher, the bad guy's car would just blow up.

Another benefit of using sticky grenades is that if the cop who launched the sticky grenade ever dies, like from either a car crash or from a bad guy's bullet, all sticky grenades fired by the now-dead cop automatically blow up, thus killing the bad guy.

More things should work the way they do on Unreal Tournament 2004; we'd have fewer problems in law enforcement.

I can think of about a dozen more examples of how law enforcement can be improved by using the technology of UT 2004. Email me offline if you're currently in law enforcement and interested in the details.

Guns don't kill people. The Government does, after they confiscate all the guns, so the people can't defend themselves.

Whatever they trade for the guns is irrelevant. The fact is, disarming the people ALWAYS results in genocide. Sooner or later. Read your history.