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2008's Biggest Blips: Part III
var digg_url = 'http://www.digg.com/nintendo/Best_games_to_hit_the_DS_this_year_part_3'; Over the past two weeks, we've previewed more DS games than you can shake a whole pack of sticks at, and we're not yet done. In the final part of our look at 2008's most interesting upcoming titles, we're going to zip through a few last intriguing titles. Some of them haven't settled on anything close to a release date, and for others, there's little information available, but for one reason or another, they're all exciting enough to get us to sit up and take notice. Unfortunately, they're probably also going to have a serious impact on wallets everywhere. As though we weren't already faced with the prospect of buying tons of games! We've never been happier that DS games are at least cheap.
2008's Biggest Blips: Part II
var digg_url = 'http://www.digg.com/nintendo/Nine_Reasons_to_Love_Your_DS_This_Year'; Last week, we checked out nine of the games that excite us most this year, and today, we've got more. In part two of our three-part series, we've got even more amazing DS games, as well as several things we completely made up, poorly doctored screenshots, and probably a few videos. There may even be some actual information about games. We do that sometimes, you know. You can flip through the games page by page, or navigate to each one through the list after the break, to which you can always return, thanks to the helpful presence of a tiny Ryu Hayabusa. Not finding your favorites? Check back next Monday for part three, or peek back at part one. Maybe you missed something! Watching the detective
2008's Biggest Blips: Bangai-O Spirits
Developer: Treasure/ESPPublisher: D3Release: Q2 Hello!! It is me, the super sexy M. In the year 2001 we had a Bangai-O shooting game on the Sega Dreamcast. Children Riki and Mami had a very big robot to go fight SF Kozmo Gang! I was in Infostation and sold them many infos to survive. They needed secret help information so they know how to use robot shooting power! We had many great talks together, and our game has a very deep storyline because of it! You should play our game and send money if you like it afterward!Now the Treasure company is making a new Bangai-O shooting excitement game for the Nintendo DS! Can all of the 2D big explosions fit on such a small thing? Only time can tell!! Also it is yet to know if the delightful Mrs. M herself will be returning. If Infostation does not have me, how will players learn the shooting? Failure is very possible. But without knowing if I have a job, I will be nice and offer my very special information for free! You can thank me later!! It is because of the greatness of Bangai-O that I continue.In my Bangai-O big robot had the ability to make extreme explosions based on number of the bullets on screen! It was out of control for sure! New Bangai-O Spirits has gone back to the way of N64, so the player (who is you) now has to charge up! What an exciting change of pace!Back in 2001, Riki and Mami only had two weapons on the Bangai-O robot -- homing shot and bound shot (which bounced). Now so many new weapons are available! You can choose from start and have multiple weapons, including a bat that repels enemies and a sword that absorbs bullets! Then add on EX abilities that you unleash by charging up power and you are an explosion firing machine! Make 50000 credits please! I know I said it was free but this information is too good! I wish I knew about when this game was coming out! It would be super premium information! I have been told that it is Q2, but not exactly known! I will just have to start planning my own levels for when it is out -- oh yes, did I not tell you? Bangai-O Spirits lets the beautiful Mrs. M and even normal kids like you make a level! Do you think you can make a level good enough for our 2D shooting action? [Read the full Dreamcast Bangai-O script here] The Suda pair Back Born free
2008's Biggest Blips: Jake Hunter: Detective Chronicles
Developer: Arc System WorksPublisher: Aksys GamesRelease: May If your law-and-order interest leans more towards the law side, you'll want to take a break from the Ace Attorney series and try out Jake Hunter: Detective Chronicles. As with Phoenix Wright, most of this adventure title relies on menu interaction to move the plot along, but you'll spend more time on the streets interrogating suspects, following leads, and digging up clues from crime scenes. Aksys plans to publish the game in the US with a budget price of $19.99, promising 4-to-5 hours worth of playtime for each of the game's three cases.Those of you who've followed our coverage of Jake Hunter (Tantei Jinguuji Saburou) already know that it's an established series in Japan, boasting two decades-worth of releases for nearly every video game platform since the Famicom Disk System. But were you aware that before he ever hit the screen, our chain-smoking gumshoe had dozens of hardboiled crime novels to his credit? It's true! We've collected quite a few of the paperbacks, scanning and posting them below for your viewing pleasure: %Gallery-9685% placeholder text placeholder text Back He'll never settle
2008's Biggest Blips: Harvest Moon: Island of Happiness
Developer: Marvelous Publisher: Marvelous/Natsume Release: June 8 When it comes to light-hearted, adorable games that make us want to smile, the Harvest Moon games top the list. The formula is relatively simple: grow and harvest crops, woo boy/girl, forge friendships, lather, rinse, repeat. Yet, if playing Harvest Moon doesn't tug at your heartstrings even a tiny bit, you're probably the kind of person that eats babies for a living. Not that there's anything wrong with that (in fact, we have an excellent barbecue sauce recipe, if you're interested). In case you need even more evidence that the Harvest Moon series is full of feel-good games, the two upcoming entries for the DS are subtitled Cute and Island of Happiness. How much sweeter can you get without dying from an immediate sugar coma? Borrowing a page from Lost in Blue, Island of Happiness kicks off with your character and a handful of friends stranded on a deserted island. As the game world changes and the number of buildings increases, more and more people start settling there. The game features 100 different NPCs, some of whom are bachelors (or bachelorettes, depending on whether you start the game as a girl or boy) that you can woo and marry. The game also features 3D graphics and utilizes stylus controls, thereby making full use of the handheld's capabilities. We only wish more games could be as relaxing and refreshing as those in the Harvest Moon series. As far as we're concerned, all games could use a good dose of Harvest Moon in them. To prove our point, we've made a few suggestions of game mash-ups that we'd like to see happen. 1. Harvest Moon meets Contra in Super Seed Is it just a coincidence that one of the heroes of Contra is Lance Bean? If you ask us, this game is just begging for a Harvest Moon infused sequel. 2. Harvest Moon meets Resident Evil in Mansion of Magical Itchy ... Tasty Did you ever stop to think that zombies need a little love, too? Did Chris Redfield or Jill Valentine ever take the time to invite the zombies to a festival, or try to gain some heart points with a platter of fried brains? Maybe impaling people is just the tyrant's way of indicating that he'd really like someone to bring him a kebab. 3. Harvest Moon meets Metroid in Metroid Prime: Gatherers Samus has done enough hunting. It's time for her to switch gears. 4. Harvest Moon meets Castlevania in Dawn of Happiness Castlevania needs to turn that frown upside down. Dawn of Sorrow? No thanks, Debbie Downer IGA. 5. Harvest Moon meets Dementium in A Wonderful Ward Ending up in a mysterious place without knowing why you're there isn't uncommon in the Harvest Moon games. If one of these protagonists ended up in Redmoor Hospital, we're sure they'd spend their time planting crops and making friends with the locals. %Gallery-15230% N+ Back Come the revolution
2008's Biggest Blips: Flower, Sun and Rain / The Silver Case
Developer: Grasshopper ManufacturePublisher: TBD / TBDRelease: TBD / TBDThe DS boasts an enviable spread of adventure games, and 2008 promises much for the genre. Courtesy of Grasshopper Manufacture, both Flower, Sun and Rain and The Silver Case will be appearing on the handheld in the coming months, and it's fair to say that both reek of awesomeness.Flower, Sun and Rain puts the player in the shoes of Sumio Mondo, an assassin tasked with defusing a time bomb planted on a plane. Sumio initially fails his mission, only to wake the next morning and find that the explosion has yet to happen. Presented with a second chance to save the stricken plane and redeem himself, Sumio again fails, but wakes the next morning to find himself living the same day over and over, his hotel room becoming more and more warped as he slowly begins to lose his mind from the repetition.Comparatively little has been revealed about the DS version of The Silver Case, a murder mystery title that originally appeared on the PlayStation back in 1999. Centered around a series of grisly murders, the game is played from two perspectives: that of a leading detective, and of a freelance writer investigating the affair. In the PlayStation original, the story was narrated entirely through a montage of 2D illustrations, 3D CG, live-action images, and motion graphics, but it's not yet known whether the DS version will adopt the same techniques (the presence of two screens would seem like the perfect excuse to mimic this, however).While both titles are wildly inventive, we feel we should also contribute part of this preview to the man behind them. Here in the DS Fanboy dungeon, our admiration and respect for Goichi Suda knows no end. As the name behind the likes of Killer 7 and No More Heroes, Suda has proven time and again that the punk spirit is alive and well in videogames, and that there remains a place in gaming for the unconventional and the plain bizarre.As much as it saddens us, Suda won't be making games forever, but we like to think that his eventual successor will keep the punk flame alive in game development by following: DO feel free to compare the process of making your games to defecating.DO pile on the geeks and freaks. Suda is an expert at this, as Flower, Sun and Rain looks set to demonstrate.DO try and avoid selling very many copies of your game, even if it's completely awesome. Selling games in any great quantity is for those Establishment suckers at EA and Ubisoft. Stick it to The Man through your own low sales!DO come across as an obnoxious, uncooperative ass in interviews -- think The Sex Pistols and Bill Grundy in 1976 (in a very unpunk fashion, we should warn you that that last link is NSFW). In truth, Suda actually fails to follow this particular rule, as he consistently comes across as the kind of affable, fun-loving fellow you'd quite like to go for a drink with, or at least become friends with over the internet, which could perhaps lead to you both becoming BFF IRL. AND ON THAT SUBJECT, GOICHI, WHY DO YOU NEVER ANSWER MY EMAILS?DO NOT follow rules or guides -- they just, like, totally pigeonhole you. Except, y'know, this one.%Gallery-12911% FFIV Back Many infos
2008's Biggest Blips: Civilization Revolution
Developer: FiraxisPublisher: 2K Games Release: April 1There are a lot of things that could be said about Civilization: Revolution on the DS. Sid Meier's strategy powerhouse is a perfect fit for the stylus-based control scheme, and if the screens seem a little small for you, well, just remember: there's two of them. And a little scrunching makes up for having to navigate around with a d-pad or analog stick. If you've ever played a Civilization game on a console (and we're Civ junkies here, so we have), then you know that can be less than fun, but real Civ fans suffer the pain anyway, just to maximize their domination experience.But what no one's mentioned about Civilization: Revolution is the number one reason it's fit for release on the DS, and frankly, we're shocked. Look, people. Civ, like Risk, is all about world domination. Yeah, there are other paths to victory, but in the end, it's all about punking down those other dudes. And that is exactly what the DS is all about. It's the little handheld that could. It's won its own version of the space race, and while it hasn't exactly crushed and wiped out all of the competition, its constant presence at the top of sales charts all over the world says all that needs to be said. In fact, had the DS been around when Civilization was first created, we expect it might have been named DS: The Game. Instead of tanks and cavalry, we'd have had DS Phat models and little guys waving sabers from the back of a thumb stylus. Japan's special unit would have looked a great deal like Dr. Kawashima, and their leader would have been Satoru Iwata. For the U.S., we'd dump Lincoln or Roosevelt and instead bring in the Regginator, who in times of crisis would remind us that it's just not his problem. In battle-heavy games, however, he would certainly kick ass and take names. Need entertainment for your citizens? Build download stations and Wi-Fi networks for your cities. Competing civilizations could be not only other gaming systems, but even other hobbies and activities. After all, the DS is conquering various age groups, it's spreading in schools, and it's taking over many everyday aspects of life. You could be the nation of DS versus School, Sony, and Being-A-Functioning-Human on a small map. It could be awesome. Also, just as realistic -- or more so -- than some of the scenarios that mimic historical events!Okay, so all of that is really very silly, but we're very serious about the march of the DS juggernaut mimicking a good game of Civilization. It started out a little slow, rather like being out in the tundra and cursed with a huge expanse of desert nearby, and an aggressive civilization just next door, hovering around your dudes and giving 'em the evil eye. But when you're in the zone, it just doesn't matter -- you can persevere and move beyond awkward starts and spread across continents ... just as the DS has done. Some people saw the early screens and turned their noses up at the title, citing it as a little too cluttered or not impressive graphically, but hardcore Civ fans should know better. Like the DS itself, it may seem a little strange at first, but we have faith that Firaxis will pull it out in the home stretch. Civilization Revolution could well be a portable strategy title to rival any other strategy game -- of any sort -- on the DS, and lately, that's been a huge and varied field. But we have faith, and we're keeping an eye on this one. %Gallery-14922% Harvest Moon Back The killer in you
2008's Biggest Blips: Final Fantasy IV
Developer: Square Enix/Matrix SoftwarePublisher: Square EnixRelease: TBALately, Square Enix has been on this remake kick. If it's a game and they made it, they're probably remaking it for the DS. While we're completely okay with that, it's getting somewhat difficult to keep track of what's going on in which game. Not only must fans keep track of the latest games, and forthcoming titles, but now we've also got to dredge up all the old details on what happened when back in the day. To that end, we've put together a handy guide of what to expect in Final Fantasy IV.The action begins with the downfall of Dark Knight Cecil Harvey, who has begun to question just what his king is really up to. His good friend, Kain Highwind and girlfriend, Rosa Farrell, stand by their man as they set off on the beginning of an epic quest to (what else?) save the day. It's never quite that simple, though; the groups separate, and new people come and go. There is high drama and political intrigue, rebellion and amnesia. No, wait, that last was in another game or two. Well, you can at least expect a few malboros and cactuars. Er, wait, no cactuars in Final Fantasy IV. But you will get to travel to the Near East and visit exotic Aht Urghan ... hang on, no, that's Final Fantasy XI. Listen, we're pretty certain there's a spoony bard and some airships. Also, Aeris dies. Oh, that's not this one, either? Damn! Okay, okay, here's what we know for sure:1) There will be some sort of epic crisis. Burning things in the sky = doubleplusungood 2) This one group of dudes? They are the only ones who can save the day. Thankfully, not the 8-Bit Theater guys. 3) Said dudes will be dressed in elaborate and often impractical outfits, which may or may not feature wings, buckles, and/or zippers. 4) Hair will be serious business. 5) There will be some guy named Cid. 6) Ditto Wedge and Biggs. 7) There will be ether, but not the happy-fun-friendly anesthetic. 8) There will certainly be math. We can't explain this one. As for the rest ... what, you expected we'd spoil it for you? No way! You'll have to wait for the DS game to finally get its English-language release. Unless, of course, you've played it before. If that's the case, you know it's awesome. What do you need us for?%Gallery-3278% Shiren the Wanderer Back Punk's not dead
2008's Biggest Blips: Assassin's Creed: Altair's Chronicles
Developer: GameloftPublisher: UbisoftRelease: February 5When Assassin's Creed was first confirmed for the DS, we spent a lot of time speculating about just what it could be. It didn't seem possible that the epic game could be squeezed down into a handheld-sized title, so we assumed the worst, and we weren't alone. But now that we've finally learned a little about the prequel, we thought it might be a good time to reminisce about those dark days of speculation and recap all the things Assassin's Creed: Altaïr's Chronicles isn't.It's not quite the console/PC version: It's not Apollo Creed: Or, now that you mention it, Apollo Justice: Definitely not Assassins of Creed: Not, as Penny Arcade speculated, Assassin's Crossing: Also, not as we once theorized, a rollicking pirate adventure. At least, we think. Pirates are insidious. We really hope it's not like this: Because that causes this, and lots of this: And no one likes that. %Gallery-13855% placeholder text Civilization Revolution Back placeholder text
2008's Biggest Blips: N+
Developer: Silverbirch StudiosPublisher: AtariRelease: April The physics-based platformer N was a unique PC release. While platform games are a staple of the medium, N distinguished itself with its sophisticated physics-engine, minimalist presentation, parkour-like movement and, especially, a level editor that allows fans to design levels with every feature of the official ones. The game has been updated and remade for release on the DS (and other systems). A bunch of new levels have been added, including contest-winning fan levels. The game features a dual-view in which the bottom screen zooms in on the player and the top screen shows the full level. New enemies and obstacles have been added. A DS-specific level editor has been created that allows for online level sharing just like in the PC version. The question, then, for original developer Metanet and console publisher Atari, is how to convey this in the game's title. N, being so short, brings minimal information about the content of the game. And even gamers familiar with the PC game wouldn't guess from the name N that so much had been added. Thus, it was important to come up with a name that clues gamers into both the inherent ninja-ness of the base game and the updated material in the console version. And, well, it was a long process.Rejected titles for the DS remake of the PC freeware physics-based puzzle-platformer, N: The Island of Secret Jumping Jump: The Jumpening Platformia: A Synaesthetic Vertical Experience Jumpster! The Jumping Ant in: Big Day Out The Player Dies From Falling Or Being Hit By Some Kinda Robot Quest for Gold Coins: The Tale of a Ninja A+ B+ You Probably Get That Particular Joke By Now Taco Hunt USA Get Killed By A Thing Large Levels, Small Guy: The Journey of a Lifetime Dr. Platformatic's Ninjadventure Desperation Gymnastics IMPERIUM-X 2088: HUMANITY'S LAST LEAP John Madden's Guitar Halo Platforming Training: Learn Precision Video Game Playing in Minutes a Day Ninja Legend: A Ninja's Legend Legendary Ninja: Birth of a Ninja Legend Gold Quest: Lost Coins of the Realm My Pet Ninja Run Run Run Run Jump Extreme Oreo Run: Savor the Action (Atari was exploring possible licenses) In the end, Atari decided that the best way to get the message of "N plus stuff" across was to give it the obvious name: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. But copyright prevented that, so they went with N+.%Gallery-14818% Bangai-O Spirits Back But can you farm?
2008's Biggest Blips: Mystery Dungeon: Shiren the Wanderer
Developer: ChunsoftPublisher: SegaRelease: March 4If you're going to check out a roguelike, you might as well try the best dungeon crawl Japan has to offer -- Mystery Dungeon: Shiren the Wanderer. Unfortunately, most will find themselves turned off by its intense difficulty, SNES-level graphics, and turn-based battles/movement. It's a game with a very special appeal -- you won't survive Shiren the Wanderer's monsters and hazards by grinding or mashing an attack button; you'll have to rely on your wits and use your limited equipment to their best advantage. It's a rewarding experience, to say the least.Oh, and did we mention that the game is insanely hard? What's worse, unless you've got an online buddy to revive you, every time you die (and you'll die very often), you lose all of your items and equipment, starting over at the beginning town at Level 1. Beginners usually die dozens of times before picking up the rudimentary skills needed to survive the dungeons. To help you in your journey, we've cleared up four mysteries for you, so you won't have to sacrifice a playthrough to figure them out yourself!Mystery #1: How do I approach arrow-shooting enemies without having my face rocked off? Don't attack arrow shooters head-on! You'll want to creep up to them with zig-zag movements, keeping yourself out of their direct line of sight. Unfortunately, this strategy won't work against other ranged attackers like rock throwers and magic users.Mystery #2: What the hell is this dancing polygon monster? That affable-looking polygon figure might not look so dangerous, but he has the power to reduce your Hunger meter by 30% (Hunger meter decreases 1% for every 10 moves), just by dancing his jig right next to you! Once that meter hits 0%, you'll lose 1 HP every turn until you find something to fill your belly with. Don't let yourself get served by this guy!Mystery #3: Why are sleep scrolls so dangerous? While having a Sleep scroll might come in handy when you've got monsters surrounding you, what that piece of parchment doesn't tell you is that once your enemies wake up from their nap, they'll move around with double speed. Make sure you don't dally around!Mystery #4: Why should I let a monster puke on me? We're not sure yet if they've been renamed in this remake, but the original Shiren the Wanderer had Nigiri beasts that would throw up on you, somehow transforming items in your inventory into rice balls. Very useful in case you run into some Polygon Jives later on! Just make sure you don't have anything you'd rather not lose in your inventory. Really, one of the greatest features of Shiren the Wanderer is its unique monsters! Far from generic characters, every one of them seems to have an interesting special ability or idiosyncrasy. Like puking on you.%Gallery-11488% Jake Hunter Back You spoony bard!
2008's Biggest Blips: The World Ends With You
Developer: Square Enix/JupiterPublisher: Square EnixRelease: Spring 2008We all love gaming, or we wouldn't be here ... but what if you were dumped into a week-long game with your life on the line? Welcome to the wonderful world of 15-year-old Neku Sakuraba. The World Ends With You is something of a wonder among Square Enix's recent DS titles. It's not a remake or part of a long-running series, and while there are plenty of unusual characters in even more unusual outfits, the action RPG boasts a glittering artistic style that is both unique and yet clearly draws some influence from such sources as Viewtiful Joe, the impossible proportions of Æon Flux and the fantastic Jet Grind Radio. Despite the bright colors and the game's dependence on the Shibuya youth culture, it's not quite as happy-go-lucky as it might seem at first glance. Yes, fashion and music play heavy roles in the title, and the game centers around a group of teenagers, but the underlying themes are much darker than one might expect. Not only is Neku's life on the line, but so is that of his new partner, the stylish Shiki, and they face the "Noise," which are physical manifestations of dark thoughts and feelings. As with many Square Enix titles, there are a lot of darker underlying themes hidden in the story. In fact, the game was adapted into a short manga that serves as a prologue to the main action, the death game that rocks the lives of the characters.So what, exactly, is the game-within-a-game in The World Ends With You? That's complicated. We'd rather tell you what it isn't. We can pretty firmly state that this game of life and death is not: THE Game of Death, as in the Bruce Lee film, unless we missed a particularly distinctive track suit somewhere. a "boob of death!" (wait, we're getting off track here). The Game (without the death, or at least, as much) starring Michael Douglas. a barbaric ritual meant to keep the peace, as in Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery." an episode of Sliders based on Jackson's short story. an extended Mountain Dew commercial, a la The Island (at least, we hope not). a more hilarious reality show lottery packed with satire, indie rock, and a dollop of New Wave. Rollerball (sadly). any sort of Bogus Journey. So if it isn't any of these awesome (mostly) examples, why are we so into it? Not only does The World Ends With You boast an odd look and a freaky story, it takes a fresh approach to absolutely everything else, especially our favorite handheld's dual screens. When you control Neku in battle, you also control one of his partners on the top screen, so you've got to juggle the touchscreen and d-pad at the same time in what is termed the "Stride Cross Battle System." And what attacks do you use? It depends on the badges you've collected in your travels through Shibuya. Plus, we'd really like to see the adorable preorder bonus make it over. %Gallery-11943% Insecticide Back Curiouser and curiouser
2008's Biggest Blips: Advance Wars: Days of Ruin
Developer: Intelligent SystemsPublisher: NintendoRelease: January 21The inclusion of Advance Wars: Days of Ruin on our list of 2008's Biggest Blips has caused us something of a quandary. You see, unlike all the other games on our list, Days of Ruin is already out. Indeed, as you read this text, (we sincerely hope) most of you will have picked the game up, and surrendered to its charms. In other words, there's not much point in us previewing the game, as the majority of you will already know how totally freakin' awesome Advance Wars: Days of Ruin really is.Hence, rather than tell you stuff that you already know, we thought we'd reflect on what a wreckage our social lives have become since Days of Ruin first made its entrance, and ask: are you in the same boat? Has Intelligent Systems' turn-based gem completely devoured your free time, or do you struggle to understand the palaver? Let's find out ... PRESENTING A DS FANBOY QUIZ:How addicted are YOU to Advance Wars: Days of Ruin? 1. A friend politely requests to borrow your copy of Advance Wars: Days of Ruin for a weekend vacation, promising to have it back to you safe and sound by Monday. Do you:A. Give your friend the game, and cheerily ask if they'd be interested in borrowing any other titles. B. Reluctantly hand over the cart, but not before making your friend sign a legally binding contract promising that neither the game or your saved data will come to any harm. C. Pounce on them instantly, wrestle them to the ground, and bite clean through their Achilles tendon before getting up and yelling at your prostrate, sobbing friend, "Borrow that, fool!"2. For unavoidable reasons, you find yourself without a copy of Advance Wars: Days of Ruin. Do you:A. Shrug it off and think, "Oh well, as fun as it is, a break from all that sprite-based violence won't kill me."B. Find yourself trying to mentally complete the map that you were heroically defeated on at the end of your last session. Twitch occasionally.C. Start to shake violently, while frantically attempting to stage an impromptu game of Advance Wars: Days of Ruin with whatever comes to hand, be that salt and pepper shakers, bottle caps, cutlery, stray dogs, pensioners, or abandoned military hardware.3. One way to measure addiction is to assess your ability to play Advance Wars: Days of Ruin well; after all, it makes sense that the terminally addicted would be very good at the game. With this in mind, please look at the map below, and then estimate (as honestly as possible) the best result you could draw from this situation. You are the blue army: A. A defeat, but hey, the odds were against you. B. You could hold out for a stalemate. C. A full, resounding victory inside 15 days.4. Your house is ablaze, and you only have time to rescue one item that is precious to you. Do you grab: A. Grandma. B. Your dog. C. All of your 27 copies of Advance Wars: Days of Ruin (N.B: you purchased this many as you privately hoped more sales would mean you get a sequel sooner); they don't have their own legs, both Grandma and the dog do.5. Did you have time to complete this quiz? A. Tons! B. I squeezed it in. Just. C. *AFK*Mostly As: You call this commitment, "soldier?" Pathetic!Mostly Bs: Getting better. Stand by for total meltdown of family/social/love life in ten, nine ...Mostly Cs: We can almost definitely be friends. Here's our code: 3351-3155-3025. We can talk about your wussy addiction problems after during 18 or so hours of Wi-Fi battlin'. Now shut up and play.%Gallery-8563% placeholder text placeholder text Back Next up on the docket
2008's Biggest Blips: Final Fantasy Tactics A2
Developer: Square EnixPublisher: Square EnixRelease: TBAWhat separates Final Fantasy Tactics Advance from most other handheld SRPGS? Its level of polish. As with the original Final Fantasy Tactics game for the PlayStation, Square Enix put its talents and resources behind FFTA's soundtrack, character designs, and solid mechanics. Even today, five years later, the GBA title's presentation outclasses releases like Hoshigami Remix and Luminous Arc. Final Fantasy Tactics A2: Grimoire of the Rift continues that high-budget, high-quality tradition. While Square Enix hasn't yet announced a US release date, and we're disappointed about the the game's lack of both online and offline multiplayer features, we're excited about all the sequel's additions -- 400 missions, Revenant Wings-esque item synthesis, a reworked law system, bigger enemies, an expanded map with distributed "area maps," and a ton of new job classes.FFTA2 now boasts over 45+ different professions, ranging from Chocobo Knights (Chocobo-riding Moogles) to Bastards (a surly lot). Just as interesting as the vocations included are the ones that were cut from the final release due to time constraints or continuity issues. We came across their design documents while sifting through Square Enix's dumpster for discarded figurines, and we've posted the never-seen-before job classes right here for you!Chimney Sweep Action Ability sweeps your chimney walks around covered in soot Combo Ability after years of choking on grit and dust, dies an early death due to cancer caused by inhaling carcinogenic chemicals in the soot Real World Roommate Action Ability accuses you of disrespectin' her Reaction Ability refuses to accept any apologies or assurances that you had no intention of disrespectin' her Support Ability tells everyone in the house that you're disrespectin' her Damn Cargo Shorts-Wearin' Kids Action Ability wears those damn cargo shorts every day has too many pockets for their own good Support Ability perpetuates the misbelief that wearing camo anything is acceptable fashion (e.g. camo cargo shorts) Gangsta Rapper, Circa Early-to-Mid 90s Action Ability checks himself before he wrecks himself ('cause shotgun bullets are bad for his health) is the capital S oh yes so fresh N double O P -- D O double G Y D O double G, ya see Reaction Ability calls his crew while you call your crew so you can rendezvous at the bar around two Combo Ability is better than your favorite rapper Overbearing Asian Mother Action Ability belittles any and every measure you take to establish yourself as an individual Reaction Ability repeatedly insists that you should've become a doctor or a lawyer, like your successful cousins, instead of studying "computer" Support Ability leaves you with crippling feelings of inadequacy and social ineptitude Cute Friend Whom You Have a Crush On Action Ability hair smells of strawberries, sunshine, and summer possibilities is a kindred spirit; totally on the same wavelength as you Reaction Ability looks at you pityingly when you ask her out just wants to be friends isn't ready to date anyone right now Combo Ability sleeps with four other dudes -- simultaneously! -- the following week ALF Action Ability is back in pog form %Gallery-5421% Apollo Justice Back Next, on BSI: Troi
2008's Biggest Blips: Professor Layton and the Curious Village
Developer: Level-5Publisher: NintendoRelease: February 10 If you weren't interested in Professor Layton from the get-go, there's a good chance that we've brainwashed you into thinking otherwise by now. With a beautiful art style, charming story, and challenging puzzles, how can you go wrong? This alluring adventure title has clearly won the hearts of many Japanese gamers, and there's a good chance that it will win yours over, too.Solving a mystery and finding hidden treasures aren't simple tasks, though. During the game, you'll have to navigate your way through countless (if you can't count past 130, that is) puzzles, many of which will make you flex your brain muscles. Perhaps you're not up to the challenge. We're trying to be nice here – what we really mean is, perhaps you're just too stupid to handle the puzzles that Layton will throw at you. Why waste your money on a game of crème brulee caliber when all you really deserve is a pixy stick? Of course, since you're reading DS Fanboy right now, we can bet that you're probably MENSA material. That means we think you're ready to take on Professor Layton. Just in case, though, we've created a guide of ten ways to know that you're too dumb for Level-5's acclaimed adventure game. If any of these idiocies apply to you, you probably shouldn't be playing what will probably be one of the best games of 2008.1. You live in a sideways houseThere are some poor decisions that you can make in life, but living in a sideways house is probably one of the worst. It's not funny – it's dangerous.2. You like to eat catsIt's no secret that those of us on the DS Fanboy staff love cats. We mostly enjoy the LOL kind, but members of the cute and regular variety are accepted around these parts as well. We don't love them enough to eat them, though. That's just wrong. And stupid. If you feel the need to feast on your feline, stay away from Professor Layton. Might we recommend Catz?3. You need a dog to help you solve crimesMan's best friend can be smart and helpful, but if a dog is smarter than you – that's when you know you're in trouble. Specifically, if a dog can trick you into accidentally hook-shotting a ham sandwich straight into its mouth, you shouldn't be solving crimes. There won't be a canine cop to help you out in Layton, so it's imperative that you haven't grown to depend on one.4. You don't run away from pedophile horsesIf there's one thing we've learned from our mothers, it's to stay away from horses wearing trench coats. They're just up to no good. Everyone knows what happens to girls and boys who aren't careful around such ponies ...5. You are Carl LewisThe bits with the old lady wearing the giant clown glasses in a hot tub say it all, don't you think?6. You hire robots to do your choresIt may seem like a smart idea, but if you haven't learned your lesson about trusting robots from the Terminator movies yet, we really can't help you. You're clearly just too stupid.7. You cut off your nipples, cast them in resin, and wear them in your earsWe're pretty sure evolution/God/other didn't put nipples in our ears for a reason. Why would you ever think that it'd be a good idea to do such a thing? Besides, how are you supposed to hear the voiced animated scenes in the game if you have nipples plugging up your ear canals?8. You wear (or have worn) a head massagerIf you can't solve the "what's the stupidest thing I could possible wear on my head" puzzle, how do you think you'll solve any of the puzzles in Professor Layton? Simple answer: you won't.9. You don't read DS FanboyLet's face it. Some of the staff members at DS Fanboy aren't the brightest bulbs on the tree, or the sharpest tools in the shed, or whatever euphemistic metaphor you feel like using for calling them stupid. None of that changes the fact that DS Fanboy is a haven for those of us with unprecedented wit and talent. Also, reading this right now proves that condition #9 doesn't apply to you, so fear not -- you just may be smart enough for this game.10. You don't love pugsIf your soul is so crusty and hardened that you can't find it in your heart to love pugs (or at least like them a little bit), Layton's cute visuals have no chance of charming you. Where do you stand?Did you manage to pass DS Fanboy's rigorous stupidity challenge? If so, then congratulations! Professor Layton is clearly the game for you. You're already well on your way to solving the mysteries left behind by Baron Augustus Reinhold (spoiler: no relation to Judge Reinhold). If not, we're sorry. Perhaps by the time Professor Layton's sequel is localized, you'll have wised up.%Gallery-12504% The World Ends With You Back REAL Ultimate page-turning power
2008's Biggest Blips: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
Developer: Capcom Publisher: CapcomRelease: February 19 %Gallery-10043% Advance Wars Back Why don't you get a job?
2008's Biggest Blips: Insecticide
Developer: Crackpot EntertainmentPublisher: GamecockRelease date: February 12Thomas Trowel's jaw was long and bony, his head a jutting v around the more flexible v of his mouth. His mandibles curved around to make another, smaller, v. His yellow-green eyes were mostly vertical. The v motif was picked up again by thickish antenna rising outward from twin creases above a hooked nose, and his pale brown hair grew down -- from high flat temples -- to a point on his forehead. He looked rather pleasantly like a praying mantis -- because that's what he was.He said to Chrys Liszt, "Yes, sweetheart?"Detective Chrys Liszt sighed. She could handle stereotypical guys. After all, her partner Roachy Caruthers was as hard-boiled as they came, a veteran cop who'd had more holes shot through him over the years than an old piece of cheese. But guys like this Trowel character really got under her exoskeleton. They had no idea how to treat a woman who wasn't just some dame. "Look, can you just give us a quick rundown on this Tangerine Sparrow deal? For the files.""Well, darling," Trowel said, "it all started when I met Brigid O'Spiderssy, a real knockout. She came in with a story about her sister, and was all sweet innocence, but I've been around long enough to know trouble when I see it, and that dame was trouble. Next thing I know, this fellow who's supposed to have run off with her sister is dead, my partner is dead, and I've got the law--" he looked up, face twisted in a smile that held little joy, "calling me a suspect. Before I can make sense of all that, I've got this grub coming around talking about some tangerine sparrow and a young scorpion following me everywhere I went.""Sparrows," spat Roachy suddenly. "Nasty things. Had one swoop down on a cousin and bam!" He brought two thin, gnarled hands down on Trowel's desk. "Just like that.""This one was old. Treasure, I'm told. A gift from royalty, missing for years. Didn't seem to be anything but bad luck, if you ask me. Everyone I talked to about the sparrow is either dead or in jail, and not one of them managed to put a hand on it for more than a few days." Trowel looked down at the watch on his wrist. Chrys looked at Roachy, but he had his arms crossed and was studying the ceiling, clearly bored. "You turned it over to the department, right? The statuette.""Along with the dame.""Thanks, Trowel," Chrys said, getting to her feet. "If this connects to the Nectarola case, we'll be in touch.""Swell," Trowel said, reaching for his hat, the small v of his mouth curving. His eyes glittered. "Happy to help."Reprinted from Super Hardboiled Noir Detective Fiction Magazine, 1949%Gallery-3405% FFTA2 Back At world's end
2008's Biggest Blips: Space Invaders Extreme
Developer: TaitoPublisher: TaitoRelease: February 21 (Japan)You know, Space Invaders Extreme looks like an amazing title. Seriously, in both providing a kind of Pac-Man Championship Edition kind of overhaul to the original game and implementing music in brilliant fashion, it has totally blown our minds. We're absolutely certain that this will be the go-to title for instant fun, ideal for train rides and training you for the impending alien invasion to come.But, why is it such an important game if it's just the same old Space Invaders with a facelift? Because it's not. Bridging the old-school arcade shooter with visually stunning new titles like Geometry Wars: Galaxies and Rez, Space Invaders Extreme is a new experience that is anything but the same-old, same-old. And, from what we've seen, the gameplay looks so engaging, we're sure we'll do all kinds of things like neglect to feed our pets and put pants on before we go to the bank (it doesn't matter how great a deposit you are making, they're just not cool with it). Seriously, this doesn't just look like any old port of a very old game, it looks like the meth-addicted grandchild of what we once knew to be Space Invaders.This is not what you should expect.As one might assume from everything we've bombarded you with, this is all just too good to be true. It should be noted that only those in Japan should expect the title to be readily available, as this one isn't due for release outside of the region yet. So this is purely an importer's choice. But, the accessible gameplay and focus on giving us things to enjoy other than line after line of Japanese text to read make it universally adoptable to all. And, if you're feeling like you need a bit more in the way of old-school revivals, the included paddle controller with Arkanoid DS works with this game.Don't discount this title in the face of so many other high-profile games, as Space Invaders Extreme will probably be one of the best casual titles this year, if not the best rhythm-based-space-combat-simulation for the DS.%Gallery-14613% placeholder text Super Dodgeball Brawlers Back placeholder text
2008's Biggest Blips: Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword
Developer: Team Ninja Publisher: Tecmo Release: March There is a certain DS title on the horizon: Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword. As a person who enjoys the finer things in life, like the silent "fwip" of a poisoned dart hitting your enemy's throat or the grace of emerging from the shadows to slice your enemy's stomach, spilling his intestines onto the bamboo floor beneath you, this game is likely the focal point of your life right now. Your only reason for accessing DS Fanboy on any kind of regular basis is only in the hopes that there will be new Ninja Gaiden news. If none of this rings true to you, then perhaps some personal reflection is in order. Have you perhaps considered you are not a ninja, nor are you fascinated with the world's most efficient killer? Should this be the case, we have a surefire way to make sure you let in the unimaginable power to dispatch the living and accept the Ninja as the world's most awesome thing ever, all in a matter of days. First of all, we have to list the givens: You must quit your job Leave your loved ones, making sure only to take one internet-accessing device (so you can read the rest of this, unless you want to use a pen and paper like some jerk), one bowl of rice and your DS Make your way to the mountains of Tibet Okay, now you're in Tibet. First thing you need to do is throw out the bowl of rice. Ninja don't get hungry; hunger fears the power of the ninja. The ninja sustains its life through the destruction of its enemies. It feeds on the perfection of silently killing its target and making its way off into the night. Next, you need to hook it up with Google maps and search for your local video rental store. Actually, there aren't that many in Tibet, so head back to your residence (maybe you should have just written this all down or printed it out?). Look up a Hollywood Video or a Blockbuster and go in. Find the nearest employee and ask them to point you toward the Ninja section. If they don't have a Ninja section, pull out your DS and use it to smack that unhelpful person in the face. Then, ask them to point you toward American Ninja. Once face-to-case with the film, you'll have little time before the cops show up. You won't be able to take them on now at this point in your training, so grab everything that says American Ninja on it and duck out of the door. Once out of the store, put your heels to the pavement and run as fast as you can back to your family. As you arrive at your former home, take care to enter as silently as possible. Your former spouse may have found someone new in the period since your departure and your training may need to be accelerated. Your primary goal is to find your VCR or DVD player, extract it and abscond to somewhere safe so that you may view these films. Now is the time to absorb this material and carefully study each and every film in the American Ninja franchise you were able to make off with. You must watch them and emulate every single one of Dudikoff's moves, with your DS's stylus firmly gripped in hand. And only after learning from the master may you attempt your next task: securing your copy of Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword. By this time in your ninja career, it is now March and the release of Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword is quickly approaching. It would have to be before you could realistically master the skills of Michael Dudikoff. And now is your true test, as you must leave your dojo in the hunt for Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword. Now is the time for real-world practice, as seen in the video above. It is here that your true skills will be put to the test. You have trained hard and you have been faced with many trials. You will have to make your way into a convenient retail location, procure the DS title, pay off the cashier and return to your sanctuary. It is a difficult task. We wish you luck. %Gallery-4937% Professor Layton Back Duck!
2008's Biggest Blips: Super Dodgeball Brawlers
Developer: MillionPublisher: Aksys GamesRelease: April 2008 Parents:You've seen the news. Our children are rapidly falling under the sway of insidious video games, spending hours upon hours watching and even taking part in the most brutal acts of violence imaginable. Games like Grand Theft Auto and Manhunt 2 are designed with nothing in mind but a devious plot to corrupt our children and disrupt our society. Not only that, but many of these games expose our youth to graphic sexuality. Case in point: Mass Effect, which is a pornographic game targeted at preschoolers and (reportedly) given away with boxes of cereal.The latest threat to our children's sensitive minds comes from Super Dodgeball Brawlers, a game of such stark brutality that it should be banned. And yet, it's going to be released on the Nintendo DS, a game system for children. This shocking violence simulator allows children to play a game called "dodge ball," in which characters break up into teams and attempt to murder each other with thrown projectiles. Disgustingly, this "dodge ball" is presented as a sport, suggesting that it's an acceptable activity for children to engage in on the schoolyard or in the park. Publisher Aksys Games should be held accountable when this deadly game begins claiming young lives. It's bad enough that children will be taught to use harmless playground balls as weapons, but Super Dodgeball Brawlers takes the corruption a step farther. It satisfies murderous fantasies by giving the players super powers, allowing them to electrify the ball, multiply it in the air or throw it at super-speed. These attacks will even turn our harmless pizzas, cacti, panda bears, and Eiffel Towers into brutal weapons. Kids will even be able to drop the pretenses of sportsmanship and batter each other directly. Worst yet, Super Dodgeball Brawlers will allow children to connect their DS units wirelessly and perform the simulated violence in groups of eight. Even if you can keep this out of your own home, your children are in imminent danger of having the offending software forced onto their DSes. We must put a stop to this! If you don't complain to your congressman and do your best to block sale of this disgusting game, it will be on you when children, too addled by flashing lights and cartoons to understand the difference between fantasy and reality, begin acting out this "dodge ball" with their friends.%Gallery-14440% Ninja Gaiden Back EXTREME INVADING
