Josh T: "Stop! Step out of the vehicle and agree to be my friend."
Don: "Don't make me lean forward and come over there."
Chris: "Do it... do it now! Get to the human transportah!"
Josh F: "Snake? Snake?! SNAAAAAKE!"
Ryan: "Watch yourself, Frank, we're dealing with professionals. They've got a... car."
Darren: "So, um, is it safe to back away from this vehicle?"
Richard: "Yes, this would be more intimidating from a Humvee, but y'know, gas prices these days..."
Nilay: "Put the Roomba down!"
Thomas: "Quit calling me Ginger, I'm a day walker!"

[Thanks, Mike]

Yes, it's hard to believe, but we assure you there were no special effects used to create this image. Here's beloved action movie star Jackie Chan once again doing his own stunts -- the most embarrassing one he's ever done. Believe it or not, he says these are hard to sell in China.

Josh T: "Police Story 5: Loser Cop"
Paul: "In his next film, Jackie Chan will pose exactly zero threat to anyone at all."
Ryan: "This, Jackie Chan, is your punishment for 'The Tuxedo.'"
Chris: "Jackie Chan avoids Rush Hour 4 thanks to his trusty Segway."
Josh F: "Legend of Drunken Decisions"
Thomas: "Enter the Dragon, exit the nerd"
Jackie Chan: "Don't try to be like Jackie. There is only one Jackie. Study computers instead." (Seriously, he said that!)

Sometimes, you want more than just wide-area broadband. Sometimes you want the downy softness that only "WiMAX" can bring. We're not totally sure what this is, but we're almost positive it will not deliver speedy downloads and near-limitless connectivity.

Paul: "Sprint's brilliant plan for rolling out WiMAX coverage on the cheap only had one fatal flaw..."
Chris: "Considered key to XOHM's success, Sprint's first stab at a steampunk Hello Kitty WiMAX router yields mixed results."
Josh T: "WiMAX: use color-safe bleach only, tumble dry."
Josh F: "For those lighter 2-bar days."
Ittousai: "WE DEMAND MORE PAMUK!"
Nilay: "17.45 for WiMAX? Outrageous!"
Dante: "Suddenly, that failed Australian WiMAX rollout, makes much more sense..."
Richard: "Because really, who buys their WiMAX off the rack?"

[Thanks, Srle]

Sure, it might not be as filling as the Skoda cakemobile, or as family oriented as Martha Stewart's Wii cake, but do those contain the thrilling tale of The Light Beam Rider? Yeah, we thought not.

Paul: "Unfortunately the screen refresh times of '30-35 minutes at 350 degrees' is just plain unacceptable."
Chris: "Moments later, a naked Jeff Bezos burst out, ready to greet everyone at the shareholders' meeting."
Richard: "Philippe Starck calls the Kindle 'a little delicious.' "
Sean: "No friends, that's not the iCing phone, tis the Kindle Cake and it serves 12."
Don: "You can never be too careful buying gadgets on eBay."
Josh: "The Light-Beam Rider was surprisingly short."
Ross: "The book is a lie."

[Via The Raw Feed]

This one's really bringing us back to eighth grade. Except, you know, replace dinosaurs with terrorists, and replace a real-live-working volcano with a PS3. Other than that it's exactly the same.

Chris: "PlayStation Park, Las Vegas' latest theme hotel, has left much of the Strip uninhabitable thanks to the 800 degree Fahrenheit stream of air continually emitted from the side of the building."
Josh: "Finally, something more gaudy and depressing than the actual Las Vegas."
Nilay: "Note: Beds do not vibrate." or "We never noticed how much the Wynn looked like a Foreman grill."
Paul: "I'll be in the garage if you need me, honey. Working on the, uh... car."
Richard: "Ok, who left the Allspark next to the PS3?"
Ittousai: "Vegas-based terrorist group with micropulse bomb is demanding backwards compatibility; more at 11."
Steve: "Kutaragi: 'This hotel is probably too cheap'"
Ross: "Voted loosest memory card slots on the Strip!" or "I'm putting all my Cell chips on Blu!" or "Yeah, it may have nine processing cores but are they synchronized to dancing fountains?"

[Via technabob]

Ho, ho, h-- er, woof, woof, woof! Even though AIBO has been spayed, so to speak, that doesn't mean the little guy can't dress up and get into the Christmas spirit just like the rest of his fellow Roombas and Robosapiens. Plus, we have to say, our old pal looks quite dashing in red.

[Image courtesy of Impress]

Evan: "Robot Santa, perhaps overly confident aboard his Sony-made sleigh, swore that this year his was gonna bite Bender right on his shiny metal ass."
Josh: "The scale only revealed what AIBO had known all along: a moment on the lips really was a lifetime on the hips."
Chris: "Still distraught over its discontinuation, AIBO shows up every Christmas morning at Sony headquarters, drunk, belligerent, and with a sad little Santa outfit that gets a little dingier every year."
Ryan: "All I want for Christmas is to be put back in production / to be put back into production / to be put back into production. End holiday song."

A gentleman named Robert was spotted wearing this contraption at a Starbucks in the East Village. Apparently he calls it a Portable Gadget Center. We call it hilarious. Close up after the break...

Ryan: "The Dylan of his generation, Bobby could type AND dial a call with his tongue at the very same time."
Evan: "Why yes, this IS the first date I've ever been on; how did you know?"
Chris: "Years of latte-infused spittle had rendered Robert's array of devices useless, but a longstanding disinterest in using his arms -- indeed, the inspiration for the contraption itself -- had prevented him from wiping them with a damp cloth."
Dante: "I thought it made you look cool until I spotted the baby blue G-Shock."
Ross: "I don't CARE if it doubles as your retainer!"

There's actually some nice gear in the Cyberdyne Cinema -- B&W speakers, a Mitsu HC5000 1080p projector, and Rotel amps -- but anything dressed up this hideously can't escape a little caption fun. We'll get you started:

Dante: "Oh wow... it crashed my eyes."
Evan: "The failure of T3 wrecked havoc on Arnold's home theater budget."
Josh: "Cyberdyne's bank accounts were substantially smaller in 2007."
Ryan: "Apparently this is all that passes for a decent home theater after the robot rebellion."
Nilay: "My eyes sense tackiness, the data could be called pain."
Thomas: "Pleather: Tougher than Judgment Day."

[Via UberReview]

We can't say we would've chosen Samsung's SGH-G800 to star at the Vienna State Opera House, but we heard the iPhone and N95 both refused to leave their respective dressing rooms. The show must go on, right?

Josh: "2 b or not 2 b, tht is the qstn"
Ryan: "An elaborate getup for a videocall, I know. But I assure you, dear madam, that I'm wearing no pants."
Evan: "Can ye hear me now?"
Don: "A bar, a bar, my kingdom for a bar!"
Thomas: "Figaro, figaro... hello, mom?"
Darren: Samsung: "Idiot, we meant the Opera b r o w s e r"
Paul: "Not enough sparkle? Are you sure?"
Steve: "Line?"
Nilay: "Alas, poor Yorick, for he was not in my 5"
Ross: "This is Puccini. You know nothing of my work."

Who cares about CDMA, GSM and endless 4G bickering when you don't have any circuits to worry about? This here super-mini Nokia 5200 model might not turn into a proper sized phone when dunked in water, but with that kind of cute-itude, world peace is within its grasp.

Paul: "Sure it looks great now, but will it still be sexy when Nokia gets a 3G version to the States?"
Darren: "Stuart Little said he's keeping this till the 3G iPhone is announced"
Josh: "Barbie called... she's breaking up with you."
Dante: "Finally a real reason to get your fingers whittled."
Chris: "You dried my pants on high heat? My phone was in there!"
Ryan: *ring* Zoolander: "God? You're a kitten?"
Thomas: "Rat Man, your nemesis is calling."
Ross: "And the next version will have a full PURRTY keyboard."

[Via intomobile]

Evan: "After their defeat at the hands of the Autobots, the Decepticons were forced to perform the most humiliating of jobs."
Ryan: "Trust us, you really don't want to pull out Mini Killbot 3000 with the dangling claw. Might we suggest Snoopy?"
Darren: "And to think, those Americans have to settle for a pathetic claw."
Josh: "In retrospect, XL-250 probably had an unfair advantage, since he was made of high-test iron and programmed to kill, while his opponents were just fur stuffed with cotton, and programmed to hug."
Paul: "We could live offa the fatta the lan'."
Conrad: "These creatures are the only sentient race in this sector and they're made out of foam? This can't be right."

We're told this type of battle is indeed legal in certain corners of the universe, but we honestly never thought we'd see the day when a gallinaceous bird came to the human's side to fend off the impending robotic takeover.

Ryan: "That sound? Seth Green and Adult Swim filing suit over the Robot Chicken trademark."
Thomas: "Quit your cock blocking and fight!"
Darren: "These wooden posts are such lame excuses for adequate prostheses."
Paul: "Look, I know you're scared. We're all scared. But if robots and robo-chickens can't learn to live in harmony, we might as well just let the humans have the earth all to themselves."
Evan: "Not surprisingly, the martial arts sequel to Howard the Duck tanked at the box office."
Don: "2019: Despite repeated protests from People for the Ethical Treatment of Robots, the title bout between Robo Chicken and BD "Boxy Hands" 209 went on as planned."
Josh: "I love you!" -- "It'll never work!"

So the story goes that Microsoft's bald J Allard and Newsweek's bedredlocked N'Gai Croal are at dinner together, and they make a bet: if the PSP sold 10m units faster than did the PS2, Allard has to dress up like N'Gai (during his next E3 keynote, which never came); if not, J gets to shave N'Gai's head. Guess who won. Not that we think of ourselves as particularly cruel, but surely we can't be expected to let this one go without a caption contest, can we?

Evan: "After that unfortunate night with the Rastafarian gamers, Allard swore off marijuana forever."
Ryan: "Headline: J Allard hired to manage Weird Al's White & Nerdy tour."
Don: "You mean it doesn't cost an extra $100 to add WiFi to this thing?" [Snap! -Ed.]
Paul: "Yeah, but does this come in Simpsons yellow?"
Ross: "Behold the Zune Elite. Now with HD-UMD and minoxidil."

Yep, it's a coffin. Mobile phones have become such a critical part of our daily lives, and apparently they're becoming a critical part of our deaths now, too -- but if you're going to spend the rest of eternity inside a single phone, do you really want it to be a Nokia 7250? Seriously?

Chris: "Giving 'Early Termination Fee' a whole new meaning."
Ryan: "Nokia: connecting dead people."
Paul: "Of course it comes with an FM radio!"
Sean: "Though it will never pass the pocket test, the coffin does include the rarely used AG2GP (Audio Grave to Grave) Bluetooth profile."
Evan: "*Casket will only work in certain graveyards, $200 reburial fee applicable"

Behold Benedict Radcliffe's "Modern Japanese Classic," a 1:1 scale Subaru Impreza wireframe art project. We heard it was still in dev though, they haven't enabled textures yet. Casual caption contest? Oh sure, why not:

Chris: "Ten days of intensive wind tunnel testing yielded... no data."
Ryan: "Let's see you crap on THIS, friggin' pigeons!"
Paul: "Bill's invisible car experiment would've been a resounding success were it not for a clever prank by a few of his engineering buddies."
Jeannie: "Neither an electric, hybrid, or gas-powered car, this beauty runs on straight-up crack."
Ross: "Thanks, but I'll keep my Light Cycle."

[Via Core77 and Winding Road]