OutOfControl
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Cost of shooting down a spy satellite: $60m. Look on Alien's face when the missile hits: priceless.
Sure, it seemed like the Pentagon had things wrapped up when they told us that they'd be aiming their rockets skyward and blasting that pesky zombie-spore and / or Alien-carrying satellite out of the sky. Of course, they failed to tell us the price: sixty million dollars. What seemed at first to be a simple game of Missile Command has become an extensive military operation, involving modified rockets and control systems, hundreds of industry experts and scientists, as well as the Aegis sea-defense cruiser accompanied by two destroyers. The Navy will wait until the space shuttle lands next Wednesday before beginning operations, and they say they're fully prepared to bring W.O.P.R. online if anything goes wrong. The kicker? They'll probably miss.[Thanks, Laura]Update: Apparently Russia is calling the whole operation a cover for the US government to test out a new anti-sat tactical missile system. Ok, we wouldn't rule that option out, but it's not like the concept of shooting down satellites is so revolutionary, right? We mean, haven't governments been capable of blowing up satellites for decades, now? Thanks, Mukul.
Pentagon to shoot down renegade spy satellite
Good news, everyone! Remember that Alien-infested, out of control satellite we told you about a few weeks ago? Well, the US government has finally put together a plan to avoid the civilization-decimating disaster that would have resulted from its impact with Earth: they're gonna blow it up. That's right -- US officials have confirmed that they're going to use modified SM-3 missiles fired from a cruiser and destroyer off the Northwest coast of Hawaii to take the thing out. The weapons have additional fuel and new software which will allow them to reach the object in orbit, thus blasting it to smithereens. The resulting impact will leave nothing but "space junk," which will endlessly pollute the galaxy until we're wiped out by a reverse "Big Bang" or doomsday device. You may now return to your overpriced latté.
Out of control satellite "weeks" away from slamming into Earth
Good news, everyone! According to reports, a US spy satellite which has lost power and propulsion is weeks or even months away from striking Earth. Officials say that the space junk -- which can now no longer be controlled and could contain hazardous materials -- is due to come smashing into some location on our planet's surface, but they can't really say where. "Numerous satellites over the years have come out of orbit and fallen harmlessly. We are looking at potential options to mitigate any possible damage this satellite may cause," said Gordon Johndroe, a spokesman for the Nation Security Council. Government agencies are still considering options such as shooting down the stray equipment, though they say they'd be just as happy to let the potentially radioactive / alien-filled hunk of metal crash into a small village in a developing country.
