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Goat MMO Simulator boasts one level more than World of Warcraft
Few moments in MMO history have been as pivotal and groundbreaking as what we are witness to today. For we, the humble gamers of the year 2014, are about to embark on an adventure that makes every online effort to date look like E.T. for the Atari 2600. As of later this week, Goat Simulator will become an MMO (simulator). The inexplicably bizarre sandbox hit is preparing to roll out a free DLC patch that will have one more level than that "other" MMO. With 101 levels, dozens of quests, five classes (including Microwave), and "factional warfare between goats and sheep," the newly christened Goat MMO Simulator will take the zany gameplay to the nth degree. Don't believe us? We have the video proof after the jump as well as 500 incredulous comments down below (commenters, please don't let us down on this after we vouched for you here).
Perfect Ten: Lessons I've learned from working at Massively
In spring of 2010, I was asked to come on board Massively primarily as a feature writer who would also do a little news on the side. This opportunity was incredible since I was already blogging multiple times a day about online gaming, so why not be a part of the professional side of writing? Over four years and nearly two million words written since, I've witnessed a lot here at Massively. I've gotten to interview some big industry names, been allowed to take on fun pet projects, gone to conventions as a member of the press corps, and made a lot of good friends. I've also learned several lessons that have helped me to grow as a person and a writer, and I thought I'd jot a few of those down for one of these lists. Fun Perfect Ten factoid: When I proposed this column to the editors, I had done extensive research on lists that other sites had done (as to not cover similar territory) and drew up about 40 new topic ideas. In retrospect, it might have been overkill. I could have just written in an email, "People like lists."
Portlandia's Fred Armisen narrates Ann Droyd's latest book, 'If You Give a Mouse an iPhone'
Children's author David Milgrim is back again with another modern adaption of a classic book. Written under his clever pseudonym "Ann Droyd," Milgrim this time uses the classic "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" by Laura Joffe Numeroff as inspiration for his entertaining tale about iPhone overuse. Released at the end of October, the book, "If You Give a Mouse an iPhone: A Cautionary Tale," is the follow-up to the popular "Goodnight, iPad" parody that debuted in 2012. "If You Give a Mouse an iPhone: A Cautionary Tale" is published by Blue Rider Press and is available at Amazon for US$12.46. You can check out an animated version of the tale narrated by Portlandia's Fred Armisen in the video embedded below.
Drunk Tech Review reviews the iPhone 6 and 6 Plus
Drunk Tech Review is at the forefront of the drunken tech journalism movement. Okay, they're probably the only members of the drunken tech journalism movement -- at least openly -- but they do good work. Someone has to review tech from the stand point of a knowledgeable but degenerate drunk. Will the phone last you late into the night? Is the phone slippery in the hands of a drunk? Will they drink to the iPhone 6 or 6 Plus? TUAW encourages all readers to drink responsibly, but if you're not going to, at least know how other drinkers handle the phone. Also, these guys are funny. Enjoy.
Backtrace, the geekiest album you'll hear, hits Billboard comedy charts
I saw James Dempsey speak at AltConf this past June (AltConf runs during WWDC for those who want something a little different). James goes way back in Apple lore to the NeXT days, and for his talk he pulled some code to show how Swift didn't just materialize from thin air, it has its origins in NeXT. Dempsey worked at Apple for 15 years, but lately he's been having a good time releasing music with his band, James Dempsey the Breakpoints. Their latest album hit Billboard's charts. So in case you were wondering if being a developer pays off, then yes. But being an artist who writes and performs music that only developers will grok seems to also be lucrative -- if you're as talented as Dempsey. With songs like Endian Reservations and The Fetch Spec Song, it's clear these are inside jokes. But the music is fun and Dempsey's joy for coding and music-making is evident in this album, which got up to number five on the comedy charts. That's no small task considering Patton Oswalt is also on that chart. You can check out his AltConf talk here and buy Backtrace on iTunes here. I'm hoping James winds up making a cameo on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. soon.
Perfect Ten: My World of Warcraft launch memories
I'm really not a big fan of those constant reminders from the media as to how much time has gone by using pop culture as reference points. I'm really not. So I kind of hate myself for saying this, but friends, next month will be World of Warcraft's 10th anniversary! Ten years! How old are we now! Back in November of 2004, I was a wide-eyed 28-year-old bachelor who had just met his future wife and was generally leery about MMOs to date. Now I'm a grizzled 38-year-old journalist, father of three, and veteran of more MMOs than I can count (because I cannot count past 22). A decade can contain so much history, especially when looked back all at once. I played World of Warcraft for many years, and while most of the memories have faded and merged together in a technicolor morass, there are a few vivid recollections of the launch period that stir emotions in me even today. Ten years, 10 launch memories. I think that's appropriate.
Caturday: KitKat on an Apple II
This is my kitten, KitKat, way back in July. She's sitting on top of my vintage Apple II, where she often waits for me to get home from trips. That's a first-generation iPad next to her, so she can keep up with all her friends online.
Siri can guess sports odds and thinks the Royals will win the World Series
Siri has another neat trick you may not have known about -- gambling speculation. If you ask Siri "who is going to win the World Series?" it will tell you exactly who is currently predicted to win. In this case Siri thinks the Royals are going to take the series. If you have money on the game, don't want to do your own research, and trust a machine to do your betting for you, give Siri a spin. We will say to Siri's credit, when it doesn't know it simply does its best based on which team as a better record. If you're terrible at gambling, but just can't stop, Siri is there for you.
When autocorrect goes adorably wrong during the iPad Air 2 presentation
Autocorrect comes for us all someday, telling our loved ones they're petty instead of pretty or removing the righteous fire from a angry text when it censors your profanity. Autocorrect comes for us all, even when we least expect it. Like during a high profile presentation for the iPad Air 2, as happened yesterday. You can see the looks of frustration on Jeff Boudier and François Lagunas faces as the iPad's autocorrect turns "Utah road trip" into "It's road trip." Enjoy below. We've even included a gif version of the moment under the video for you Tumblr fans out there. Remember autocorrect happens to all of us. Just roll with it, and smile.
Adorable cat goes fishing with his iPad
We've all seen videos of animals playing with technology, and with good reason. They're adorable. Today we bring you Cassie the cat, enjoying a lovely lazy Sunday with her iPad and a pond of fish. Cassie gets tired quickly, but it's alright. She's got a nice soft couch to nap on. Enjoy a nice break for an adorable cat today.
A German man has built a "working" iPhone in Minecraft
Convincing someone to watch a 13-minute video in a language they don't speak is normally a hard sell, but we urge our non German-speaking readers to give this a spin regardless. A German man has built a charming "working" iPhone in the game Minecraft that features its own mini apps and working buttons. Marvel at the calendar feature, check the weather, and enjoy the subtle charms of its built -n "painting" app. Heck it even has a "camera" app. We cannot imagine the amount of work that went into building this "device" but Minecraft fans of all ages will appreciate the end results. Enjoy.
Songwriter Jonathan Mann uses iOS QuickType for lyrics inspiration
Last month, YouTube songwriter Jonathan Mann made light of the iOS 8.0.1 update that went awry with a catchy tune for the team at Apple that was responsible for the debacle. Now, the musician is back with another tune about Apple's new QuickType feature in iOS 8 that predicts the next words you want to type. When left on its own, QuickType composes quite an amusing story. You can check out the song in the video below and read the lyrics on the video's YouTube description.
Did you hear about Infowars asinine iPhone 6 "hairgate" conspiracy theory?
Stop the presses and load your rifles, we need to stop supporting Apple right this second. The masterminds over at The Alex Jones Channel have uncovered the darkest (possibly dumbest) conspiracy theory of all time. You may remember the supposed "iPhone 6 hairgate", click bait short hand for "sometimes hair gets caught on your phone." To the average Apple user it was a non-story. It wasn't a common problem, and the hubbub passed by quickly. That is, until the greatest minds of this generation got to thinking about it and decided that Apple is probably using the iPhone 6 to collect DNA from users by taking their hair. Presumably once Apple has unleashed its diabolical hair removal tool the iPhone 6 and 6+'s included DNA reader will scan your hair follicle and send the information to Apple. That DNA information will then be used to MURDER YOU, or TAKE YOUR GUNS, or SOMETHING SOMETHING TERRIFYING. In an effort to not seem completely batcrap insane the Infowars crew have qualified their reporting with a request that "you decide" if Apple is taking your DNA or not. After all if they ever stood by any of these reports by calling them fact they might actually be held accountable for spreading insanity in the name of page views. There are enough actual threats in the world that if you want to live your life in utter terror you can easily do so. You have the freedom to do that. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you and all that. But the freedom to live in fear doesn't change the fact that DNA readers don't work like this, never mind the fact that we're pretty sure there's no such DNA scanner in the iPhone 6 or 6 Plus. Even the tinfoil hat lobby will be distancing themselves from this asinine "theory." Remember it's "up to you to decide" if you believe this, but we have evidence that believing this automatically makes you a lizard person. It's OK if we don't show you any proof. On the internet its okay to just say whatever you want. You can view their wonderfully stupid video below.
I played this top-selling game 100 times, and this is what I learned
Let me start out by saying that I love Soccer Physics. So do a lot of other people, and it's managed to reach a Top 25 overall spot on the App Store's games list, which is quite a feat. It's an absurd game where your two-man team attempts to score a goal on two opponents using a single button which causes both of your players to jump. As you might imagine, it's not particularly easy, but the random nature of the game and matches that last just a few seconds make it extremely addicting. Random modifiers add to the game's insanity, and sometimes the soccer ball will be replaced by a beach ball, goals will randomly become huge or extremely tiny, and occasionally your players' heads will be removed for no good reason. It's a lot of fun either by yourself or with a friend, and it's absolutely worth the US$1.99 price tag. That being said, it quite literally doesn't matter what you do in the game, as the results will be the same either way. The ball will end up in your net half of the time, and in your opponent's goal the other half. That's it. The one-button control scheme produces such inconsistent results that I began to suspect I was better off not actually touching anything, and just letting the opponents score on themselves over and over again. To test this theory, I played 100 matches. For the first 50 I played as I normally do, attempting to time my jumps to angle the ball across the field and past my opponents. I started off in a slump but made a nice comeback towards the end, and arrived at the following score (I'm the blue team, by the way): Perfectly even. My skills are the same as that of the computer, which is good, right? Maybe, but maybe not. For the next 50 matches I let my players sit perfectly still. Even if the ball got stuck between them, I didn't push the single button that would free it, I simply waited until the opposing team began to jump randomly and knocked it loose, one way or the other. With no real opposition, it was bound to be a bloodbath, or so you might think. Here's how it ended: My team, without moving a muscle, managed to score 24 goals. That's just one less goal than when they were flying around the stage in a desperate attempt to score points. In short, I may as well not have been playing the first time, either. It's up to you whether you think this means the game is pointless or not. Strangely, I'm perfectly OK with a game being so totally impossible to learn that it doesn't matter whether you try or not. Either way, it's still a lot of fun.
Nine ways Apple users differ from Microsoft fans
Are you a Starbuck's loving, Microsoft-hating type of person who thinks Facebook is a cool to place to work? If so, then you must be an Apple fan according to this chart published by Business Insider using Ranker's crowd-source ranking data. The infographic looks at nine consumer opinion categories, including preferred brands, candies and movies. While there are some cliches (what Apple fan doesn't hate Microsoft?), it is entertaining to see some of the differences between these two groups of rival computer users. You can view the full comparison in the graphic below.
Instant stardom is yours via Poster Boy
When most people take selfies, they end up in one or both of two places: Facebook and Instagram. Unless one is famous, their selfies will probably not be seen by too many other people, and they certainly won't get national circulation. Until now-kind of. Poster Boy combines the contemporary love for the selfie with most people's desire for fame and puts their faces on fake movie posters. This free app is universally available, optimized for iPhone 5, and requires iOS 6.0 or later. The app is very straightforward and simple: You take a picture of yourself and/or someone else, and the app will place it into a fake movie poster-all of them parodied versions of real movies like The Castaway, 28 Days Later, and The Godfather. This is simple enough, but the app does more. Different filters can be added to the photo to give a different feel, everything from simple black and white to a 1970's overly-bright wash to a number of different color filters, to make the whole picture monochromatic. Pictures can be rotated 360 degrees, shapes can be superimposed (like a fingerprint or spider, which can then be colored in) blocks of short text inserted. You have everything you need to make your very own sarcastic movie debut. The most interesting part of this app is that is does not just do movie posters. It also generates a Blu-Ray cover, a billboard, and a bus stop ad. Once they're saved in the desired format, they can be shared via a number of social media websites as well as through email. Have you ever wondered what your face would look like gracing the side of a building as you appear in an ad for a blockbuster movie? Now you can. As noted above, the app is free, but it does offer the ability to turn off ads and unlock other features for US$1.99. This did not appear absolutely necessary to actually use and enjoy the app, but I went with the option anyway because I hate having to deal with ads and other distractions. I wonder if that might be a bit pricey for the choice (especially since it isn't clear what other features are being unlocked), but I am content to let the developers determine that. A total of thirty different posters are offered, which is more than I had expected (until I realized I just wasn't scrolling hard enough through the list after I reached what I thought was the end!). They look almost identical to the actual movies they parody, complete with pun-laden taglines and equally corny misspelled stars' names. ("Brat Spit" stars in "Night Club," for example.) As clever as I thought the app was, and as much as I enjoyed taking reasonably humorous selfies for my movie debut (a rare thing for me), I have one rather glaring drawback to report. The humor is at times inappropriately crude. Probably I am in the minority on that, but I just feel sexual innuendos have no place in an app like this. They are cheap shots, pure and simple. They are what someone reaches for when they cannot think of something intelligent and witty, because sex, along with humor regarding bodily functions, always gets big laughs. I laughed out loud at some of the posters because they were quite witty. Then as I continued to flip through I was just disappointed. The innuendos were not on every poster, but the creators more than made up for that by hitting the user over the head with them on one or two. They were not the kinds of posters I anted to see, and certainly would not want to put my face to them and then share them on the internet. This was almost enough to ruin the whole experience for me. This is really the only negative thing I have to say about an otherwise engaging and creative app. Maybe in future versions the creators will return to putting more thought and less last-ditch, lazy, cheap humor into their work. Despite this criticism, I actually had a lot of fun with this app. I enjoyed trying to figure out what stupid facial expression would work best with the posters I chose. I did think a lot of the titles and such were clever and most were worthy of audible (and sometimes wheezing) laughter. Certainly the amount of control the app gives the user in creating the image is a plus. Most of us will never be movie stars or known beyond our little circles of influence. With Poster Boy, at least we can pretend for a while, and enjoy an extra touch of frivolous silliness that will brighten our days and our news feeds.
Team Fortress 2 cast sprints in Saxxy-winning footrace
The things people can do with Source Filmmaker are pretty awe-inspiring; we've seen recreations of scenes from Futurama and The Matrix, as well as original shorts like "Rivalry Rush," which you can check out after the break, where YouTuber Leaking Red pits the men of Team Fortress 2 against each other in a footrace. You may be asking yourself why these gentlemen would compete in such an event, especially when they've got perfectly capable guns lying around. The answer to your query lies with the race's prize: a lifetime supply of beer and sandviches. Sounds like a good deal to us! For their efforts, the team behind the short won a Saxxy - an award specifically for films created with Source Filmmaker - in the action category. The Saxxy winners were announced earlier this week.
Destiny is the 'hottest 7/10' according to its Honest Trailer
Honest Game Trailers, the parody video series from Smosh Games that pokes fun at the industry's biggest and most-hyped games, has set its sights on Bungie's Destiny. The results are chuckle-worthy regardless of whether you love or hate the game, so let's have a laugh together. [Image: Smosh Games]
Pick your battles wisely in Weapons Throwing RPG
Weapons Throwing RPG is a retro style RPG. The graphics and music have an anime design that is adorable and fun. The music sounds similar to that of other games from the 90s 16-bit era. It is an easy game to figure out and pretty simple to play. Although it looks like something that could have been played on a console in the early 90s, it is compatible with the iPad, iPhone, and iPod touch and is optimized for iPhone with iOS 6 or later. The design appears to be retro and simplistic but at a closer look, it is clear that there is a great deal of detail given to the scene illustrations in the game. I think it's an appealing look for users who would be interested in playing a classic and stylish RPG like this on their iPad or iPhone. The game made me feel like a character in a classic anime cartoon that takes place during medieval times. I can see users that typically play RPGs being drawn to the aesthetics of this cloudy and competitive world of knife throwing. To play, a user picks weapons to fight your enemies and advance to new levels. You can throw knives in two ways: straight forward or flung in the air. You can use the knives to block throws made by your opponent or you can throw quickly to injure them. A user can also use an invisibility tool to disappear just before a weapon hits you. As you advance in each level a boat at the top of the screen moves forward to indicate your progress in the game. Right before you reach the end, the game warns that you must defeat a boss. This is typically a fire breathing dragon or another intimidating looking character. You do have to be careful to choose just the right timing for throwing your weapons. If you throw too early or use all your weapons early on in a level, it will be difficult and nearly impossible to defeat the boss. You have to use defensive strategy to be sure to move forward in the game. Players can go to the equipment store and purchase protective gear (like shields and armour) and more weapons. The method of payment in this cloudy feudal society is jewels. A user has the option to purchase jewels in order to advance further in the game with more weaponry and protection. US$0.99 will buy you 20 jewels, and US$9.99 will buy 300 jewels. This game feels pleasant and sweet despite the fact that it entails throwing weapons to the death. I like that this game is both easy to play, but also complicated once you realize there are many options to purchase goods that can help you advance more smoothly in the game. The design is entertaining and playful. I can see RPG players of all ages enjoying Weapons Throwing RPG and defeating many fire breathing dragons in their missions.
People respond to Apple's iPhone 1000
With Apple going big and bigger with the iPhone 6 and 6 Plus, is this our inevitable future with the iPhone 1000? Image Credit: Redditor Michel00 via Imgur
