There are three primary rules to tattoos that we're aware of:

• 1. "I love my mom" tattoos are really cool.
  
• 2. "I love my short-term-girlfriend" tattoos are questionable at best.
• 3. "I love this gadget" tattoos have greater built-in obsolescence than sliced apples and pretty much clench the fact that nobody will ever go out with you. Also, they're really awesome.

CrackBerry.com reader T.J. fell hard for rule number three and got a life-size tattoo of the BlackBerry Storm on his large, hairy calf to prove his undying devotion and win a free Storm. He even got some video of the happening (peep it below the fold), most likely to be shown in middle schools in the coming years as a huffing deterrence. We're looking forward to a Bumfight-like battle between T.J. and Zune Tattoo Guy before long, or perhaps a support group to get through this awkward, humiliating stage of life together. We'd prefer the Bumfight.

Say it ain't so! America's most loyal advocate for Microsoft's Zune is apparently throwing in the towel. Of course, we should warn you that this could very well be a simple ploy for attention, but if the man keeps his word, he will soon be covering his Zune tattoos with... something else. Curiously, he didn't say whether or not he would be playing the traitor card and picking up some sort of iPod, but considering that more people have seen this guy's body art in the wild than actual Zunes, the general public should know soon enough. You fought a good fight, Zune Guy, but consider yourself expelled from The Social.

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in]

We've had our fair share of laughs from Zune Guy's obsession with inking his body with permanent reminders of just how infatuated he is with Redmond's PMP, but we must say, it's a bit weirder to see someone coming ever closer to doing the same with our logo. Apparently one Egor Lavrov has established a tattoo contest in which he accepts donations as votes for logos, and after the polls close, he has agreed to give 25% of the money raised to charity and 25% to the person who submitted the winning tattoo idea. Oh, and he's going to get the most highly ranked image inked on his arm. We'd be dubious about paying to cast a vote (read: we'd refrain entirely), but what's up with our model being on steroids, anyway?

Passports and licenses are so last century -- these days, sophisticated crooks can change their identity on a whim, and one particular Michigan State University researcher is looking to stay one step ahead. Anil Jain has created an automatic image retrieval system dubbed Tattoo-ID, which "includes an annotated database containing images of scars, marks and tattoos" that is "linked to the criminal history records of all the suspects and convicts who have a tattoo." Essentially, the application will give law enforcement the ability to query on permanent skin markings, which sure beats manually flipping through ginormous books of images just hoping for a match. Reportedly, Jain and his team are continuing to improve the system, but there's been no word on how long it'll take before implementation can begin. Better stay on the straight and narrow, Zune Guy Microsoft Zune.

[Via TG Daily]

We can only assume that Blu-ray's victory in the format war pushed this particular Briton over the edge and made him truly believe that the PS3 is in fact "the best console ever made" -- his words, not ours. Quite frankly, we're not sure exactly how much alcohol was involved in making this decision, but we're going to assume that it's just a matter of time before he gets three more to one-up this fellow. Catch the video of the entire process after the jump (if you're a glutton for punishment, that is).

[Via PS3Fanboy]

Okay, so this whole digital tattoo concept still seems more reasonable than littering one's body with Zune imagery or the BSOD message, but we're still a tad creeped out. Dreamed up by Jim Mielke, this minuscule, implantable display would reportedly connect to an artery and a vein for its power and could display caller ID information as well as video chats right on one's arm. Best of all, this thing won't become the source of all kinds of regret when you head over the hill, as it could also be used to constantly monitor certain aspects of your health and give you a heads-up if anything goes awry. If you're not squirming in your seat at the mere thought of this, it may indeed be right down your alley -- one day, that is.

[Thanks, D]

There are no words. Pics after the break: only for the brave.

["Thanks," John]

If anyone gave that Zune tattoo guy props for his bravery / stupidity, you owe a handful of kudos to this fellow, too. In an admittedly bizarre move to show one's disdain (right?) for the always infuriating Blue Screen of Death, this man has went so far as to tattoo the BSOD error message on his arm, presumably as a battle scar for all those Windows driver installations gone terribly awry. Next up? We're betting on a Kernel Panic tat for arm number two.

[Via Tumbl, thanks Laura]

Apparently the look on his face after the last Zune tattoo wasn't regret. It was anticipation.

[Thanks, segadc]

This kind of dude. You might say he's one in a million -- literally. Is it just us or does he already look really regretful about the decision he just made?

[Thanks, Nate]

Did you know that Saint Louis based Somark Innovations successfully tested an "RFID tattoo" on cows and rats? Yes indeed, tattoo, not the ol' RFID chip found in passports, dogs, and Dutch VIP clubbers. Somark's system uses an array of needles to inject a passive RFID ink which can be read through the hair on your choice of beast. The ink can be either invisible or colored but Somark is keeping mum as to its exact contents. They only say that it doesn't contain any metals and is 100% biocompatible and chemically inert. The tattoo can be applied in 5 to 10 seconds with no shaving involved and can be read from up to 4 feet away -- the bigger the tattoo, the more information stored. Best of it all, it's apparently safe for humans to ingest allowing the FDA to track back Mad Cow Disease, e-coli outbreaks, and Soylent Green. Don't worry, they can't track you just as long as you chew your food like mama taught. However, with "military personnel" listed as Somark's "secondary target market," well, it's just a matter of time before we're all cattle now isn't it.

[Via The Register]