the-perfect-ten
Latest
The Perfect Ten: Movies for the MMO fan
You love movies? Sure, who doesn't? I certainly do; I've been reviewing them with friends since 1997. I'm always fascinated by how many out-of-the-way gems there are that go overlooked by the mainstream audience, and I love how films tie into our daily experiences in unexpected ways. MMOs haven't quite gotten popular enough to spawn their own sub-genre of films, apart from the odd fan project or the long-rumored World of Warcraft flick. That doesn't mean that we're lacking good movie role models for our hobby, however. I think that there are plenty of films that are perfectly suited for the MMO fan, even if they've never been thought of as such. So here are 10 films that speak to us as gamers. To make things interesting, I excluded any movie that shares the same IP as an MMO. Read this list and let me know what you would pick!
The Perfect Ten: MMOs that died in development hell
If you know me, you probably know that I have a weird fascination with alternate history. You know, the daydreams of historians when they're not rewriting the past to suit the latest trends. "What if?" my mind wonders, especially when it comes to MMOs. You see, for every game that actually makes it to launch, there are several that die gasping and alone in the bowels of development hell. Sure, many of these are pathetic creatures that didn't really stand a chance anyway, but there are some that could have made an impact on the industry if they had reached release and been halfway decent. We'll never know what a world would look like with these games in them, but we can always muse, "What if?" Continuing Perfect Ten's recent dark streak, here are 10 MMOs that died in development hell; it's to our eternal loss that we'll never get to play them.
The Perfect Ten: Final moments of MMOs, part 2
LAST TIME ON THE PERFECT TEN: Games were shut down, tears were shed, memories were dragged unwillingly from long-term storage, and videos were shown. Also, Marty totally suckered Biff into driving into a truck full of manure and then got his parents to kiss at a dance so that he wouldn't be erased from the space-time continuum. AND NOW FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION! Is it completely morbid to want to revisit (or see for the first time) the final moments of MMOs? Yes, but also no. Really, it's just interesting to me, and I have no great agenda at play here. Sometimes seeing how a game goes out can tell you a lot about its community and dev team. So join us now as we hit the second half of 10 videos showing the last few minutes of these online RPGs.
The Perfect Ten: Cutest creatures
I vividly remember a conversation I had with my then-girlfriend's parents back in 1996 about the potential of this growing "internet" phenomenon. With my limited understanding, I made it sound downright noble, a Library of Congress available at the fingertips of the average Joe or Jane. What I really should have said that it would be a tool for the distribution of pornography, nerd rage, and cute animal pictures. I have no idea how big the cute animal picture industry is, but there have got to be millions of aspiring photographers daily who prod little baby critters with encouragement sticks in the hopes of eliciting a few "awws" out of strangers. Even when the serious business of MMOs came a-calling, cuteness infested fantasy lands near and far. Whenever I see something absurdly cute in an MMO, I always smile because I know that somewhere, some uber-elite, way-too-serious player is developing facial tics from being in the same game world as it. So twitch away, as here are 10 of the cutest critters as seen in-game!
The Perfect Ten: My gaming pet peeves
In general, I try to be an optimistic fellow. When it comes to gaming -- you know, that hobby we apparently love and enjoy -- I'd rather look on the bright side than the angry, cynical, disgruntled dark side most days of the week. There needs to be balance between such outlooks to be sure, but if I'm to err, I'd rather err as a happy gamer than a bitter one. So today's list will be a departure for me, as I'm going to complain at great length about stupid little things that annoy me in MMOs. I look at it like lancing a boil: painful, gross, and generally relieving. If you want to join in with me, just remember that the area can get infected if you keep picking at it for too long. What ticks me off? Open Pandora's Box below and ye shall never know peace...
The Perfect Ten: Creative MMO minigames
Few people are without opinions on minigames in MMOs. Some love 'em, some hate 'em, and some just ignore 'em. Some even despise that I won't type "th." Takes all types, really. Personally, I'm all for including new types of enjoyable systems that can be repeated, particularly if it benefits my character in some way. There's also this perception that minigames are just for kids. It's true that more kid-centric titles like Free Realms and Clone Wars Adventures thrive on minigames like you thrive on deep-fried butter balls, but these little diversions exist all over the place in "grownup" titles too. Holidays are a favorite time to trot them out, although there are plenty that exist year-round. Today we're going to look at 10 creative minigames that have tickled my fancy over the year. Yes, I used the word "fancy." Whatcha gonna do about it?
The Perfect Ten: Romantic game activities
I assure you, it's a complete coincidence that I'm writing a column on romance the week of Valentine's Day. Seriously: I have a 10-gallon cowboy hat filled to the brim with ideas for Perfect Ten and draw one every two weeks. It just so happened that -- again, in a complete coincidence -- the topic of romance and a romance-centric holiday occurred on the same day. You're not buying it, are you. I've always said that you're too wily for me. Whether or not Valentine's Day is something you do, gaming couples do turn to their favorite hobby for a virtual dating hotspot from time to time. It only makes sense. These aren't just worlds where we are celebrated serial killers and butchers of entire races but places in which we live out pretend lives while taking it very, very seriously. So if you're ever in the position where you want to go on a date in-game, here are 10 romantic activities that this Casanova suggests.
The Perfect Ten: Memorable marketing campaigns
I took only a single marketing class in college, so by no means am I an instant expert in anything but being on the receiving end of marketers' nefarious experiments to manipulate me so that I buy their stuff. I did take away the lesson that all marketers are professional liars who have no shame or dignity. Pretty much the same as a blogger, so I guess I have a backup career. Believe it or not, MMOs get off easy when it comes to notorious marketing campaigns. Anything on the following list, good or bad, is a pale shadow of what we've seen in the larger video game industry. Still, there have been plenty of attempts to promote MMOs in ways that make us either applaud or laugh at the studio (and sometimes both at once, which takes coordination). After doing some staff polling and internal polling, here are 10 memorable marketing campaigns from the era of MMORPGs. Maybe they're all winners in that they got noticed by at least one person, even if they're the most foolish notions in history. Here we go!
The Perfect Ten: Why MMO armor is completely ridiculous
This is probably a rant best saved for another day, but I want to know when it became completely acceptable not to demand that MMO studios explain the building blocks of their game universes. The devs know that we'll just draw on tropes (usually fantasy) to fill in the gap, so most of the explanations they give for in-game reasoning have to do with a weak backstory of a class instead of why, say, a liquid potion binds together bones and allows you resurrect completely after being chopped into 60 pieces. I get why tropes are depended on so much, but in my opinion, they rob these games of the potential to be more immersive and lifelike. Pretty much most elements of MMO games break down even when you apply the game's own internal logic (what little has been revealed) to it. Chief among these borked elements? Armor. MMO armor just doesn't make sense, nor does it hold up to even a light level of scrutiny. Today we're going to cast aside the "it's just fantasy, go with it" excuses to investigate why your gear is completely ridiculous from a common sense standpoint. Heck, I wasn't even breathing hard by the time I counted to 10 on this one.
The Perfect Ten: New MMOs to watch in 2013
Oh, I had a great Perfect Ten prepped as the first list of the year, but my meanie-face editor slammed on the veto button and told me, point-blank, that I was going to be counting down the best MMO prospects for the year. Then she drove a lawnmower through a Nordstroms while huffing paint thinner and throwing empty cans at the security personnel. Even so, her idea is probably more interesting than what I had. Let me give you a few notes on today's list because I sense that I'm going to tick more of you off than normal here. My goal was to sift through the possible releases for 2013 and pick the 10 most promising, both in "will it actually launch this year?" and in its potential for success. The combination makes it a tough call because some of these will undoubtedly be delayed to 2014 or beyond and some of these we still don't know as much as we'd like about them. But who cares? Let's have some fun and kick this year off right. Here are my picks for new MMOs to watch in 2013.
The Perfect Ten: My biggest gaming moments in 2012
I am a complete sucker for three things: novelty soft drink flavors, Tom Servo's singing voice in MST3K, and end-of-the-year lists. Egads, I love the end of the year just for the lists alone. Everyone does them (copycats!), and I like to see how my opinions stack up against them. Plus, often I learn of cool things that happened or came out during the past year that I missed. So this is my list. My end-of-2012 list. I am devoting the 26th Perfect Ten of 2012 to the top 10 moments in MMO gaming and blogging. It was a rollercoaster of highs and lows, and looking back, I don't think I could've predicted half of the major events that happened in this industry. That's what I like about this gig: It keeps me on my toes.
The Perfect Ten: Absolutely ridiculous cash shop selections
This past week, the Money Gnomes at Turbine tested the waters with the idea of selling a $50 horse in Lord of the Rings Online. Oh, not just any horse, mind you: It's a toy hobby horse. For $50. The representative who asked for feedback on the item and price-point probably caused herself internal hemorrhaging by stating, "This is not a joke." The fans responded, "Of course, and the sky is made out of blue cheese." At the very least, it allowed the more creative players to come up with humorous expressions of incredulity. The fun finally came to an end when the studio announced that the "experimental" price point was a failure. Of course, this is by far not the first time a game studio's attempted to sell a ridiculous item, an item with a ridiculous price point, or both combined. If you sell it, after all, the rubes will come. So in the spirit of a $50 hobby horse that costs something like $20 in real life to acquire, here are 10 completely ridiculous items that we've seen in MMO cash shops.
The Perfect Ten: Holiday shopping for the MMO gamer
With Thanksgiving almost under wraps in the states (Canada got an earlier patch of Thanksgiving because the devs love that country), the starter pistol is about to go off for the busiest shopping season of the year. Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and oh-crap-it's-Christmas-Eve-and-only-a-gas-station-is-open are all shopping experiences ahead on the calendar, but perhaps the most challenging experience is that of buying the perfect gift for an MMO gamer. Sure, you could just phone it in and buy a time card, some cash shop points, a subscription or two, or even a Prima strategy guide if you really hated the person, but a proper MMO gift goes beyond that. For a great gift, you need to put in some effort and actually research the field... or just be lazy and use my following guide. We both know which option you're going to choose. So while you slowly digest that turkey and moan about having to waddle your butt down to Best Buy at 3:00 a.m., why not allow me to help you with a few shopping suggestions? For this list, I wanted to focus on game-specific merchandise that isn't t-shirts, game cards, or CafePress coffee mugs. I mean, this shirt is the bomb and all, but we can do better!
The Perfect Ten: Character creation options nobody uses
There are two types of people in the world: those who can't get through the character creation menu fast enough to start playing "LordBladezz" and those who spend hours crafting the perfect face that will be seen by the player only 0.03% of the time. I've heard rumors of a species of middle-ground player, but I've yet to see one. I think there could be a doctoral thesis for someone willing to investigate which visual character creation options most of us use and which ones we ignore. My hunch is that most of us are looking to recreate an impeccable standard of beauty or handsomeness, resulting in game worlds exploding with Abercrombie & Fitch models. Because exploring the "most-used character creation options" isn't as much fun, today we're going to examine the 10 options that pretty much nobody uses. And yes, you'll feel compelled to comment that you do indeed use one of these and prove me wrong, so let me give you a gold star in advance for doing so. You're awesome.
The Perfect Ten: Stages of returning to an old MMO love
In my illustrious career of sitting on my butt and mashing the 1-4 buttons over and over, I've returned to many MMOs like an addicted boomerang. I learned early on never to say those immortal words of, "I quit and I'm never coming back! This is it!" because that was only setting myself up for major pie in the face later. Better to return with a head held high than to slink through the doors of the account page, hoping that nobody sees me. We return to MMOs a lot, don't we? There are so many reasons we do it and they're mostly boring, so I'm not interested in talking about them here. But what I do want to chart is the progression I've seen in myself and others as we've come back to an old MMO flame. I've identified 10 stages (well, 11 really) that the returning gamer goes through, and in the interest of SCIENCE, I want to be the first to write the defining document of this significant process.
The Perfect Ten: Worst expansion names of all time
When SOE announced that EverQuest's 19th expansion would be titled Rain of Fear, I instantly found myself tripping over the name. I shouldn't have -- it's a few simple words that are first round picks for spelling contests -- but it defied the traditional naming conventions for MMO expansions. Many people I talked to kept wanting to write "reign" instead because "rain" seemed like a deliberate misspelling by some intern in Smedley's empire. Homophones aside, Rain of Fear is hardly the worst expansion title I've ever seen. The industry has had its share of bad names, from the confusing to the downright unpronounceable. Sure, we get used to these titles, and perhaps it's nit-picky to lug them out at such a late point in many of their lifespans, but petty is my middle name. My first name is Tom. And these are 10 poorly named expansions. Deal with it.
The Perfect Ten: Most interesting retired Massively columns
One of the perks of working at Massively is that you get to see everything "behind the scenes," as it were. There's not as much drama as you may think, but there's an awful lot of weirdness, detailed conversations about inconsequential whimsy, and Jef's cat pictures. It's also given me access to lists of all of the site's history, including a list of all of our retired columns. Not every column goes on indefinitely, and some die only to be resurrected at a later date. But one day I got curious about all of them -- especially the ones before my time here on the site -- and that curiosity led to my creating a list of the most interesting ones. So today, let's examine 10 columns you won't see on Massively these days (for better or worse), ones that were certainly captivating during their run.
The Perfect Ten: Ways MMOs explain infinite resurrection
Why? Why do we die in MMOs and receive an infinite number of resurrections? Are we in a type of hell defined by endless combat and suffering, doomed to never escape the cycle? Is this a cruel experiment being performed by supreme alien beings from afar? Does that make us the living undead, immortal Highlanders, or something even more significant? If you're looking at me with that look you have in your eye right now, I'd like to remind you that asking these questions is more in line with the core of RPGs than just mashing the 1-2-3 buttons. The rules that make up and dictate our virtual lives should have both meaning and sense, yet so many of these games expect us to just blithely accept that we can come back from the dead over and over without nary an explanation. Well, I like explanations. Even if it's just polite nonsense, a thought-out reason as to why our characters are death-proof tells me that the devs treat their game with a higher degree of integrity than others. So here are 10 MMOs in which the endless cycle of death and resurrection gets at least a backhanded explanation instead of "shut up, just accept it."
The Perfect Ten: Ways Guild Wars 2 beats the pants off of Guild Wars
As a gamer who went through all of the original Guild Wars campaigns and spent the better part of a year or so doing it, I reluctantly came to the conclusion that while it was a fine game and pretty to behold, it wasn't for me. I felt it was too grindy and at times way too difficult, and I couldn't connect with it the way I did with other MMOs. That's why I'm celebrating Guild Wars 2's launch: This is the game I wanted from ArenaNet from the get-go. It most certainly carries the torch of the franchise, particularly in its lush world-building and incredible vistas, but it does the most important thing a sequel should do: preserve the good, add bold new ideas, and drop the dead weight. At risk of offending those who hold the original Guild Wars as a sacred cow (blasphemooey?), I present the top 10 ways Guild Wars 2 most definitely beats the pants off of its predecessor.
The Perfect Ten: Stock fantasy enemies from lamest to coolest
One theory of MMOs is that they represent several parallel universes, each with similarities and differences. This may explain why so many of them claim to be boldly original and yet carry the same monster DNA that exists everywhere else. Today we're going to carefully unpack our ancient collector's edition of stock fantasy enemies. Blow off the dust and smell that nostaglia, mhmm. Sure, they've seen better days, but they're still good, right? Still solid. Still capable of entertaining us, even if we've slaughtered their kin a thousand times over. Let me show you my collection of 10 stock fantasy enemies that we encounter all the time in MMOs. Just for fun, I'm going to order them from lamest to coolest. I would be number 11, by the way.
