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The Perfect Ten: Stock fantasy enemies from lamest to coolest
One theory of MMOs is that they represent several parallel universes, each with similarities and differences. This may explain why so many of them claim to be boldly original and yet carry the same monster DNA that exists everywhere else. Today we're going to carefully unpack our ancient collector's edition of stock fantasy enemies. Blow off the dust and smell that nostaglia, mhmm. Sure, they've seen better days, but they're still good, right? Still solid. Still capable of entertaining us, even if we've slaughtered their kin a thousand times over. Let me show you my collection of 10 stock fantasy enemies that we encounter all the time in MMOs. Just for fun, I'm going to order them from lamest to coolest. I would be number 11, by the way.
The Perfect Ten: Goosebump trailers
I love trailers. Man, I love trailers. I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, but sometimes I'll spend a shameful hour just flipping through all of my favorite movie and game trailers. When the editing is tight and the music spot-on, my spine becomes infused with epicness and I feel a heady buzz that comes from seeing so much awesome crammed into such a short clip. Just as in the movie industry, MMO studios are hit or miss with their trailers. There have been so many generic, forgettable videos that I pad the lining of my imaginary dog's crate with them. They're very absorbent and release the fresh scent of pine. But once in a while, there comes along a trailer that acts like the Dark Crystal, sucking my soul right into it before shaking it around and then releasing it. Trailers like that give me goosebumps, and here are 10 of them, all in a row.
The Perfect Ten: Amazing amateur MMO cosplay
I find the whole cosplay subculture at conventions to be both foreign and fascinating. On one hand, I deeply admire the dedication and time it takes to put together a complex outfit and then spend all day wearing this custom-made sweatsuit. On the other hand, it does tend to bring out some folks' narcissism and unnecessary cleavage. While many facets of geek and video game culture are adequately represented by those crazy cosplayers, I don't see as much when it comes to MMORPGs. Was it truly underrepresented, I wondered, or have I just never looked? Consider the following 10 costumes the result of an afternoon or two combing through so much amateur cosplay that it vastly exceeded the recommended amount as set by the American Medical Association. I'm glad to make the sacrifice for you, and besides, you just know those doctors are the ones in these outfits, anyway. (Please note that if you're looking for more skin than skill, this will not be the list for you!)
The Perfect Ten: MMO Jukebox
Earlier this year, I got to expose my musically nerdy side to you all in a one-two shot of MMO theme song countdowns. The truth is that I'm just a huge sucker for video game music, and as such, I've collected a wide range of MMO scores to bolster my MP3 player. I know that we players tend to be pretty vocal about turning off MMO music at some point, usually due to extreme repetition. Unfortunately, that seems to leave a bad association with this music in our minds, and I don't feel that reputation is deserved. MMO scores can be just as good -- if not better -- than their counterparts in film or other video games. So I've decided that every so often I'm going to devote a full Perfect Ten to sharing my favorite MMO music. I'm always open to suggestions, of course, so if you know of a track that you feel really should be in the next list, send me an email or leave it in the comments!
The Perfect Ten: Worst MMO launches of all time
First things first: Whatever MMO release is currently ticking you off is the worst launch of all time. It would be folly of me to try to convince you otherwise. You've been roundly slapped in the face and you don't want me to convince you that the pain was in vain. I understand. Getting past that, however, would it be possible to examine the subsequent 10 worst launches in the MMO industry? If your trauma isn't too great, that is. It would be? Terrific! What constitutes a horrible game launch is varied, although each and every one of the following games made an unfortunate blunder that caused the title to stumble instead of sprint out of the gate. It's not the end of the story, of course, but it does make for a good tale to tell to youngsters camping in the open woods or a particularly seedy LAN center.
The Perfect Ten: The truth about lockboxes
Call them lockboxes, lootboxes, super packs, gift packs, treasure boxes, mystic chests, or Chupacabra's lunchpails, but these virtual boxes of mystery, fame, and fortune are all the rage in MMOs these days. Few studios have resisted the siren's call of such easy money, much to the dismay of many-a-gamer. The idea is that a game will dish out to players free locked treasure boxes that require purchased keys to open. The allure of the box's mystery prize is often too strong to resist, especially when there's the possibility of a huge reward inside. The result too often is strong buyer's remorse and studio glee. There's been a lot of conversation around lockboxes here on Massively, so I wanted to dedicate this week's Perfect Ten to dissecting the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth of these items for you.
The Perfect Ten: Guild Wars 2 gravestone epitaphs
The dead tell the best stories, they say. Outside of Divinity's Reach in Guild Wars 2 is a graveyard. It's the type of place that you run through quickly on your way to more lively settings, unless a zombie attack emerges. It was the type of place that I was running through quickly during the previous beta weekend when I realized that the gravestones could be examined -- and each and every one of them had an interesting epitaph to read. Some crazy ArenaNet writer sat down one afternoon and wrote out dozens and dozens of gravestone inscriptions on the off-chance that any of us would slow down enough to read them. It paid off in my case. This may be one of the most trivial Perfect Tens I've ever done, so forgive me with being absolutely fascinated by the epitaphs that came up during my explorations. With an absolute economy of words, each gravestone tells a complete story. Some are funny, some are dark, some play into the lore, and some actually managed to be quite moving. Here are my 10 most favorite that I found. Maybe they'll haunt you as they do me.
The Perfect Ten: Free-to-play holdouts
In the increasingly diminishing field of subscription-only MMOs, two distinct camps have formed. There is the Old Guard that has its established playerbase and is simply not interested in jumping on board the F2P train, and then there are the New Kids on the Block (which would make an excellent band name, by the way), who argue that their premium features and AAA content warrant a subscription in the F2P age. A few years ago, doing a list of the final few F2P holdouts would have been a ridiculous proposition, but now it's actually difficult to get to 10 of these. Each company has a different reason that it hasn't given these games more flexible payment options (FPO should replace F2P; pass it on!), and while some have addressed this publicly, others say nothing and leave us to speculate on it. For today's Perfect Ten, we're going to look at the 10 biggest current F2P holdouts in the industry and muse about what's going on behind the scenes. Will this list be impossible to do in a few years or will subscription-only titles come back in a big way? Hey, I don't predict things; I just make lists.
The Perfect Ten: MMO tributes to real-life people
When a beloved friend, family member, hero, or role model dies, we feel the pain of that loss and grieve in many different ways. Part of that grieving and healing process is often entails those left behind constructing some sort of tribute to the dearly departed. Sometimes this comes in the form of a shrine of flowers, sometimes it's the establishment of a charity, and sometimes it's creating an in-game memorial that thousands if not millions of people will see over the course of years. So while death and illness are depressing topics to dwell upon, I find the many MMO tributes that studios and even gamers have erected to be inspiring and a celebration of individual players' lives. With the help of my fellow Massively staffers, I researched 10 wonderful in-game tributes that serve to honor the lives of fellow gamers.
The Perfect Ten: Types of loot that get me excited
Loot's not something that I see discussed much these days among MMO players. It's probably because loot's been around since the beginning of online time and is such a staple that we'd only really notice it if it went away completely or if the object in question were a major game-changer for us. Random loot from mobs is a reward mechanic that is bordering on archaic, having been supplanted by dependable quest rewards and barter vendors that give us the gear we so desire. Of course, now we've come around the weird circle to the point that dropped lockboxes hold interesting loot, but we've got to pay for the privilege of seeing what's inside. But let's not go there today! Instead, I'm going to share with you the 10 general types of loot that still get me excited while playing. They will shock, amaze, and radically reshape your life, as long as you've had a recent brain wipe and are awaiting brand-new neural instructions.
The Perfect Ten: Free-to-play shopping strategies
"Nothing is ever truly free," my grizzled Uncle Trigger once told me. "So you got to pay for that there air! Pony up, boy!" While Uncle Trigger was overlooking a few aspects of this philosophy, the sentiment is an important one to grasp, especially when it comes to the growing wave of free-to-play MMOs. Even though the first word is "free," it should be followed up with several paragraphs of tiny lawyer disclaimers that basically say, "Nevertheless, the studio is going to look for other ways to tempt you out of your hard-earned cash." F2P is often funded by microtransactions, which offer players some variety in how they customize their game experience at the expense of a subscription's simplicity. It's often not better or worse; it's just different. Because nothing is ever truly free, and because F2P is loaded with more shopping options than a Walmart supercenter, being a savvy customer is more vital than ever. Anyone who's waded into a F2P store probably has experienced buyer's regret due to a hasty or uninformed purchase, not to mention those who end up going broke because of poor impulse control. So today I'm going to get downright practical and offer up 10 strategies that will safeguard and strengthen your F2P shopping trips (also, random plug for Beau's Free For All column in the hopes that he doesn't get mad I'm treading on his territory here!).
The Perfect Ten: Excuses for ditching a dungeon run (from least to most insane)
I never knew I suffered from narcolepsy before I started playing MMOs, but it only took a few late-night dungeon-runs before I started to experience extremely rapid transitions between being an active member of my team and snoring somewhere in the vicinity of the WASD keys. I'm not saying that all dungeons are boring or anything, but rather that when you start one, you've kind of committed to seeing it through (unless you're the jerk who always teams up with me through the LFG tool). Unfortunately, that means you're locked into an unknowable span of time during which narcolepsy, hunger, and brilliant flashes of insight about how to cure Chronic Giggling Syndrome (CGS) can strike. What can you do? Usually, nothing other than to suffer through the slow plodding of your four other ball-and-chains and start burning small sacrifices to your deity of choice in hopes that this run will end soon. Or you can pull out an excuse and get out of Dodge. I'm not saying you should use these every night -- you will build up a very negative reputation, quickly, if you do so -- but sometimes you just need an escape hatch so you can go sleep, eat or call the CGS laboratories in Albuquerque. That's what I'm here to help you with today by providing 10 tested excuses to ditching that disastrous dungeon run and getting on with your life.
David Letterman's top 10 reasons to buy an iPad 2
The iPad 2 has been getting a lot of attention since it arrived in US stores on March 11. The lines at Apple Stores around the country were top news on many local TV stations, and the sleek new device has been popping up on shows in the five days since the introduction. Last night, Late Show host David Letterman used the iPad 2 as fodder for his nightly "Top 10 List." While some of the "Top 10 Reasons to Buy an iPad 2" fall flat, there are several that are actually pretty humorous, including #7 which describes the three cameras that come with every iPad 2. I'm just hoping that Letterman decides to start using an iPad 2 to display his script so that we don't have to keep looking at his bald spot when he bends over to peer at the Top 10 List... Click the read more link to watch Dave in action. [via BusinessInsider]
Four Apple products in TIME's Top 10 Gadgets list
It's December, which means that print and digital magazines are gearing up to write their lists of the "Top 10" in a thousand different categories. TIME, the magazine that seemingly started this end-of-year tradition, has gone crazy this year, with their web site listing 50 top 10 lists. Fortunately for those of us at TUAW, we were able to glean an Apple-related story from the Time list-of-lists. One of the many lists was the Top 10 Gadgets of the year, and Apple had a total of four products in the category. Not surprisingly, the iPad took top honors, followed closely by the Android-based Samsung Galaxy S. In the third spot, and deservedly so, was the 11-in. MacBook Air. The fourth and fifth item on the list were mind-boggling -- the Google TV via the Logitech Revue (fortunately they didn't select the ridiculous Sony Google TV controller) and the quickly-discontinued Google Nexus One smartphone. Two more Apple products filled the sixth and seventh slots on the list. The iPhone 4 got the honor of being in the top 10 list, followed by the second-generation Apple TV. Both devices deserved their spot on the list; the iPhone 4 has overcome the "grip of death" stigma to be a best-seller, while the new Apple TV is a vast improvement over the first generation in both capability and design. TIME also featured a list of the Top 10 iPhone Apps, with Netflix, Groupon, and iMovie taking the top three spots. I had to agree with many of the apps, although the low iTunes reviews for Hulu Plus make me wonder if they actually tried some of them. Absent from the list was the perennial top-selling Angry Birds, which will probably make the birds angry. If you were writing these lists, what would be in your top 10 for gadgets and apps? Leave your ideas in the comments.
The Perfect Ten: Halloween MMOs
We're only a few days away from Halloween, and already the Massively office staff is dressing up in anticipation. Shawn's post-apocalyptic gear is at odds with Rubi's tastefully modest Guild Wars Elementalist outfit. Greg's Squig is in the corner battling it out with Larry's Chewbacca. Bree is dudded up as a giant red corrective marker; Jef's free-to-play outfit requires microtransactions to view in full; and Kyrstalle is photographing it all with her Poloroid One-Shot camera. I think Eliot showed up in full plate armor and riding a mechanical bull, but that just may be his normal work attire. So as everyone else is goofing off in the spirit of the holidays, it remains to me, your lovable intern, to hack out a top 10 list in honor of All Hallow's Eve. It's the least I can do since they're paying me in candy. While every MMO incorporates horror at some point (even, yes, Hello Kitty Online's Cat-Tastrophie zone), and it's nearly impossible to escape a clutch of giant spiders in any game you visit, I've picked out 10 MMOs that best deliver a slice of October 31st. Some are old, some new, some canceled and some yet to come, but these are 10 of the spookiest MMOs in the world.
