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Zero Punctuation likes half of Condemned 2
So, anyone out there play Indigo Prophecy (known as Fahrenheit in Europe)? You remember how about halfway through everything got really stupid? Remember how all the intriguing elements gave way to a ridiculous plot? If not, you could always pick it up on Xbox Originals and find out. Anyway, if Yahtzee (of Zero Punctuation fame) is to be believed, Condemned 2: Bloodshot suffers from Indigo Prophecy syndrome. In other words, it's a great game ... right up until the halfway point. Find out exactly what went wrong after the break (as usual, this week's Zero Punctuation video is NSFW).
Zero Punctuation loves Condemned 2 ... until halfway through
Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee beats up sleep-deprived hobos this week for his Condemned 2: Bloodshot review and, up until the midway point, was all set to name it "game of the year." Apparently, Condemned 2 suffers from the same disease which afflicted Indigo Prophecy (Fahrenheit to our European friends), where the game took a left turn halfway through and players were introduced to concepts that ruined everything built up to that point. Those who played Indigo Prophecy (and were enjoying themselves) probably remember the moment that game went from intriguing to ridiculous. Get your homeless-beating fix after the break with this week's NSFW review of Condemned 2: Bloodshot.
Zero Punctuation believes in No More Heroes
Zero Punctuation discovers that we could use another hero (and a way home) in this week's review of Suda 51's No More Heroes. Rightful finger-pointing at Suda 51's pretentiousness starts the review, but it soon gets slashed away by Yahtzee's belief that No More Heroes does offer something "different." As we all know, "different" is this industry's version of the Monopoly "Get Out of Jail Free" card. It won't save a game from nasty reviews, but the cuts are certainly less deep.Thunderdome your way to this week's NSFW review of No More Heroes after the break.
Zero Punctuation shines the spotlight on No More Heroes
Wii Fanboy favorite No More Heroes is the focus of this week's Zero Punctuation, and it actually gets off fairly easily compared to the roasting received by most games. In between describing Suda 51 as "the 51st result of an illegal Japanese cloning experiment to create the world's most auteur game designer" and fretting over what the game is satirizing and what it isn't, Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw admits he enjoyed playing as Travis Touchdown, and eventually praises Grasshopper's game for its "unpredictable story and quirky aesthetics."Finally, as if we didn't already admire the man enough, he reveals his deep-seated love of Branston Pickle. Way to make us forgive every mean thing you ever said about our favorite games, Yahtzee. Hit the break for the full, NSFW review.%Gallery-4611%
Zero Punctuation is an army of one in Army of Two
The normally solitary Yahtzee (he is a PC snob after all) takes on Army of Two this week, a game designed to be played co-op -- so we already know this is going to end badly. After becoming frustrated with his computer partner's AI, he decides to invite a friend over and proceeds to become frustrated with his human companion's abilities as well. Like any listener of the Joystiq Podcast already knows, Army of Two has a lot of issues, the least of which is forgetting that for a co-op action shooter it sort of missed the boat on creating an enjoyable co-op experience. This week's NSFW review of Army of Two can be found after the break. Watch it with a friend, or if you're a PC gamer your favorite plant.* *Oh, calm down ... this is coming from the blogger who can spend days playing Civilization IV and Sins of a Solar Empire.
Zero Punctuation: Army of Two is ripped a new one
This week in the land of sarcastic game reviews with few pauses, Yahtzee targets the recently released Army of Two. Choosing to firmly grasp the obvious humor immediately, the review starts of with the expected bromance jokes, and then moves to the horribly cliched story, the poor AI and the lack of QA. As is custom with Zero Punctuation, there is substance behind the speed, and Yahtzee touches on some important gameplay and genre topics. But hey you don't listen to Zero Punctuation for the quality analysis, but rather the quality humor. As is the case with Zero Punctuation, the video can be found after the break, and is not safe for those of you at work.
Zero Punctuation spares Zack & Wiki
Zack & Wiki is the target of this week's Zero Punctuation review and thankfully the game comes out relatively unscathed. Sure, there are remarks about the Wii being for children, the annoying noises the characters make and the gimmicky use of the Wiimote -- but, really, how many Wii games don't conjure up those ideas?* The main thing Yahtzee points out is Zack & Wiki delivers on that smug feeling adventure gamers get when they figure out a puzzle without using GameFAQs, which is essentially what will keep players going ... even when they invariably die over and over again for poking something they shouldn't have. Discover this week's NSFW review of Zack & Wiki using your Wiimote in a counter-clockwise motion while upside down to click on the link below. *Fanboys: Feel free to leave your list in the comments ... we know you will.
Zero Punctuation attacks Turok and FPS problems
It would be fair to say that Zero Punctuation attacks each of his subjects in the same manner in which Family Guy executes flashback sequences, with ridiculous comparison. This week is no different as Yahtzee tackles the latest in the Turok series ... uh, Turok. However, possibly to save his own sanity, Yahtzee decides to call out Turok by way of juxtaposition and list off all the elements developers have used to death in every other generic first-person shooter. Things like, zooming into the back of a characters head to show we're controlling them. This week's very NSFW video can be found after the jump, and we do this so you can heed our warning. Halo fans, you might want to grab a brown paper lunchbag and breathe because Yahtzee doesn't look favorably on your favorite franchise. But hey, it's all in good fun right? Right? Run Yahtzee, run!!!
Zero Punctuation hunts Turok and other FPSs
Zero Punctuation tries to be helpful this week by beating Turok with blunt vocabulary and attempting to help other first person shooter developers not make the same mistakes. The six minor points Yahtzee lays out ask shooters not to be cheap imitations of Halo, which itself is a cheap knock-off of ... oh, let's avoid finishing that sentence for the sake of being able to turn on the car tomorrow morning with reasonable knowledge it won't explode.This week's NSFW review of that game with dinosaurs, Turok, is embedded all cozy-like after the break.
Zero Punctuation burns through Burnout Paradise
[AS ALWAYS WITH ZP, VIDEO IS NSFW!] With his usual fast mouth and lack of any sort of restraint, Yahtzee of the Zero Punctuation reviews is back this week with a review of Burnout Paradise. He doesn't spend much time on the things that the fanboys were concerned with on forums; choosing instead to focus on the quirky aspects of the game and genre. Issues such as the nature of the street racer, the lack of human life, the mini-map and the design philosophy are all open to him ans he attacks with vigor. Now readers, don't forget that this is all for fun, if you disagree do your best to move on. He's ripped all of our favorite games a new one.
Yahtzee invents an awesome storyline for Burnout Paradise
Today's Zero Punctuation video is arguably the funniest yet. Yahtzee takes on Burnout Paradise and, while it isn't really clear whether he actually likes it or not, you won't care because of all the laughing you'll be doing. In reviewing Burnout Paradise Yahtzee manages to extract a storyline from the game that doesn't exist, but really, really should. The very NSFW video can be seen above and, as usual, we agree with practically everything the man says. Enjoy!
Zero Punctuation doesn't find paradise in Burnout
Zero Punctuation takes a spin in Burnout Paradise this week and discovers that cars have taken over Paradise City and people are nowhere to be found. The main sticking point Yahtzee has with the game is that while Burnout Paradise has an open world like Grand Theft Auto, requiring the player to look at a map during a high-speed chase is a bit awkward. He realizes the game isn't designed for him, but rather for people who don't have time to play games and are too busy having carnal relations.This week's NSFW review of Burnout Paradise, involving a joke about female menstruation and biscuit mutilation, can be found after the break.[Thanks, Sam]
Zero Punctuation: Yahtzee cries about DMC4
[NOTE: VIDEO DEFINITELY NSFW!] Known for his withering opinions on popular titles, a gamer in Australia known as Yahtzee releases a new episode of his video reviews via The Escapist every Wednesday. Known as "Zero Punctuation" due to the lack of natural pauses and breathing, Yahtzee takes on games for the purpose of humor and sarcasm. This week his victim is Devil May Cry 4 and boy, does he make it weep. Touching on everything from anime conventions to unentertaining cinematics to the nature of the main characters and plot. Despite giving the game its due for fun and stylish combat, he finds a ridiculous amount of stuff that detracts from it (for him and his review anyway) and really takes the game to task for its retracing of steps and short length. As always, the humor is the highlight and if you disagree with his opinions, best to simply find what you can to be funny and move on. As a final parting note we leave you with this: Old Meat. Wasp+Spider+Slipknot+Gummy Bears.
Zero Punctuation tears up Devil May Cry 4
Did you feel that Devil May Cry 4 was so busy with its own style that it neglected to actually let you play -- well, so did Yahtzee. This week Zero Punctuation takes on DMC 4, the game which pulled a Metal Gear Solid 2 on us and introduced a character who was kind of like our original hero, but totally not. Don't be upset with Yahtzee's rage DMC fanboys, take solace in the knowledge that your beloved franchise has already shipped 2 million copies.This week's less NSFW than usual review of Devil May Cry 4 can be found after the break.
Zero Punctuation seeks Drake's Fortune, snorts some GDC
Wow, Yahtzee needs to visit the States more often if spending such a small amount of time for GDC brings on this level of devilishly delightful hate. This week Zero Punctuation takes on -- some will say quite unfairly -- Uncharted: Drake's Fortune. Every little possibly insane nit-pick thing is leveled against poor Uncharted, including the fact that it's the best game for white supremacists ever. The issues are quite silly for a game that is currently one of the few jewels in the PS3's crown, but Yahtzee is in top entertainment form -- he even makes a rare appearance au naturel (like as a human, not naked).Included after the break with this week's NSFW review of Uncharted: Drake's Fortune is ZP's video presentation at the Game Developers Choice awards.
Zero Punctuation's BioShock Opening
Ken Levine gave an amazing talk this morning on the process of crafting BioShock's story. There were two video presentations during the course of the talk and one of them was a hilarious mile-a-minute clip from Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw - the twisted mind behind the Escapist's Zero Punctuation. We have a video of the clip, which was introduced by Levine as "their original idea for how to start BioShock", below the cut.
Zero Punctuation attempts building SimCity Societies
If you believe that Zero Punctuation's only reason for playing SimCity Societies was to make a totalitarian government in the vein of the Nazi regime -- well, you'd be right. This week Yahtzee takes on the fantastically average game and ends up complaining about it more than making fun of it. In the end he says that SimCity Societies isn't worth the player's time, but then anybody who actually bought SimCity Societies probably already knows that.After the break you'll find this week's NSFW review of SimCity Societies, with special Team Fortress 2 homage to the love which dare not speak its name.
Zero Punctuation 'previews' begin on X-Play Feb. 12
If you can't wait until Wednesdays to get your Zero Punctuation fix, G4's X-Play will begin showing "previews" of Yahtzee's adventures in game-review land every Tuesday beginning February 12 before the "uncut" reviews are posted on The Escapist the following day.Basically, G4 will probably be showing a watered-down (i.e. censored) version of the profanity-laden reviews before The Escapist gives us our quality fix the following day. Although its nice that G4 is presumably giving Mr. Croshaw some extra cash to spend on hookers with genetic anomalies, perhaps X-Play (and its revamped format) could come up with something original to grab viewers instead of riding The Escapist's coattails? But, this is clearly a win-win for both sides.
Zero Punctuation hears the Call of Duty
The Call of Duty 4 fans demanded it and this week Zero Punctuation finally reviews one of the best games of 2007. Yahtzee isn't keen on Americans or patriotic "gun wank" games, so it probably speaks to CoD4's amazing design that he actually seemed to care during that scene (watch the review if you want the spoiler). Take heart CoD4 fanboys, Yahtzee seemed to enjoy his time in nameless-sandy-country. The experience didn't bring him Portal levels of elation, but he did enjoy it enough that he forgot to eat dinner.After the break is where you'll find this week's NSFW review of CoD4.
Yahtzee showers praise on Call of Duty 4
As a general rule of thumb, it's usually a bad thing when Zero Punctuation reviews a game you like. The reason for this is quite simple: chances are that Yahtzee (ZP's fast talking, wisecracking host) is going to tear your favorite game a new one. If you happen to be a fan of Call of Duty 4, your wait is over. Call of Duty fans should have no fear, however, because Yahtzee has nary a bad thing to say about it all. As a matter of fact, he apparently loves it. We're currently fortifying the walls of Fanboy Towers for the oncoming flame war. You see, Yahtzee wasn't quite so kind to Halo 3. You may watch the extremely not safe for work review of Call of Duty 4 after the break.
