If you're in the great state (or Commonwealth, if you will) of Virginia, then you're probably not reading this on a Verizon device or a computer tethered to a Verizon device right now -- because the network's down. Big Red doesn't have an estimate on when it'll be back up and running, but crews are said to be actively working on the issue, so with any luck, your nightmarish thrust into the deep, dark pre-industrial world of landline communication won't be a very long one.
[Thanks to everyone who sent this in]
*Verizon is currently in the process of acquiring AOL, Engadget's parent company. However, Engadget maintains full editorial control, and Verizon will have to pry it from our cold, dead hands.