Western Union telegram service will. Stop.
We got the "stop" joke out of the way in the headline so we wouldn't have to bother you with it throughout the post, but we couldn't resist breaking it out at least once in homage to that archaic little bit of tech, the telegram. For those of you who were born post-1850, the telegram was a method of communication (before telephones) that required writing down your message and bringing it to the telegraph office, where someone would dot-dot-dash it off to another telegraph office near the intended receipient for transcription and delivery- a process not nearly as efficient as the email or IM. Well Western Union, which has oddly continued to offer this product for over a hundred years, has finally gotten wind of all this newfangled tech and abandoned its Telegram and Commercial Messaging services as of January 27th. That's right, if you're one of the few folks still using telegrams to send little Billy his birthday wishes, we're sorry to tell you that you need to get with the times and join the 21st Century (you're off to a good start if you're not reading this on a telegram).
