Each week Ross Rubin contributes Switched On, a weekly column about the future of technology, multimedia, and digital entertainment:
"All right! Listen up, maggot! Welcome to Fort Dragg. I am your Commanding Microsoft Office-er Sgt. Pepper! How do you like that for trademark infringement, Apple Corps? I bet you came here today because you wanted to serve your computer company by beta testing Boot Camp? Well, let me tell you something. It ain't gonna be easy, you puke!
"Over the next 50 minutes, I will become your father, your mother, your Apple Specialist, your third-tier tech support person, and your best friend! Your heart may belong to Apple but your butt belongs to me! Your precious vendor won't support other operating systems, so you better be quicker than a FireWire 800 port, because if you ain't, you just may blow your disk up with your laser mouse.
"You come here as a sack of rotting apples unfit to touch a scroll ball! But I will tear down your hard drive into partitions until you cry. You will feel the burn like a driver CD. You will break like compatibility with classic Mac applications. Your identity will be so far gone that Spotlight won't be able to find it. Remember, there is no Windows ME in 'team.' If you can reset your system clock, you will leave with a time-killing, dual-booting, PC game-running machine! Do you hear me!?"
"Sir! Yes, sir!"