Shocking reports from Japan indicate that Nintendo's entry into the next-gen console wars (with Xbox 360 and Japan itself being the only combatants thus far) has shown absolutely no progress in the closely monitored sales ranking.
- DS Lite: 113,831 115,108 (50.28%)
- PSP: 29,141 1,642 (5.97%)
- PS2: 19,882 2,821 (12.43%)
- GBA SP: 2,104 647 (23.52%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,801 10 (0.56%)
- Xbox 360: 1,094 156 (12.48%)
- DS Phat: 1,058 738 (230.63%)
- Gamecube: 696 159 (18.60%)
- GBA: 13 9 (40.91%)
- Xbox: 5 5 (infinite%)
- Wii: 0 0 (0%)
Esteemed analyst, Excelsior Bluffington, pointed out that "the Wii has shown little to no sales growth in the past few weeks. It's even been bested by the Xbox, and people only buy that thing to mess with the charts. Judging by my elaborate series of pie charts and lucid, LSD-induced dreams, it becomes painfully clear that the Wii will only see a marked improvement sometime in December."
A local psychoanalyst was quick to refute these claims, however, calling Bluffington a "delusional psychopath." With experts in conflict, we felt it best to enquire directly with Nintendo president, Satoru Iwata. His entirely cryptic response suggested that "Nintendo hasn't launched the system yet, you freaking [sic] imbeciles." A likely story. A likely story indeed.
[Source: Media Create]