After mulling about a Tokyo electronics store for several hours and repeatedly being asked to render services of an unsavory nature (perhaps the trenchcoat was a bit much), the truth finally marched through the front entrance. Roughly six feet tall and bearing an expression of complete bewilderment, the truth was a middle-aged man equipped with a credit card (quite unusual as far as truths go). We watched in awe as he purchased seven Xbox consoles. We immediately decided to do what all good investigators do -- follow the truth to its origin. That would be a small house on a relatively quiet Tokyo street corner. The following transcription details what happened after the doorbell was dramatically rung:
This doorbell doesn't seem to be working. Let's try knocking.
The following transcription details what happened after the door was gently pounded upon:
Good afternoon, sir. We wanted to ask you some questions.
Who are you?
We're with Joystiq. Surely you've heard of us? We're a video game blog.
Is that right? You know, I have a blog. My latest entry was "What the hell did those freaks at my front door want?"
We'd like to interview you about those Xbox purchases you just made.
How do you know about that?
We saw you buying them at the Hello TV store.
And then you followed me to my house.
We just happened to walk in exactly the same direction as you. Follow is a very strong word.
You climbed over my fence and ... why is my dog not moving?
Sir, if you'd just answer our questions. That's what's really important here. Why buy seven Xbox consoles?
You only saw me buy seven, right?
You mean you've bought more?
I may have. I may have bought eight more than seven.
You've purchased eighteen?!
No, eight plus seven is fifteen.
You've purchased fifteen?!
Fifteen is also less than eighteen.
Oh. You've purchased fifteen?!
Could you stop acting surprised like that? It's very unnerving. I've bought fifteen this week.
Wait, are you saying that you buy every week?
I buy as many as I can with my current salary, but it's usually not enough.
It's a great system, but you seem to be going against the entire nation's apathy. Isn't that a little strange?
It really isn't all that hard defeating apathy. It just kind of lies there.
That doesn't answer the question -- why buy it?
Confound you! [translator's note: language toned down] It's because of those accursed sales charts! I am sick of seeing the DS Lite at the top. Sick of it.
And you're trying to upset it by purchasing the Xbox? You'd have to buy hundreds of thousands per week in order to make a dent.
I'm not made of money. I'm made of a desire to overthrow boring predictable charts and complacency!
Why not buy something that's a little closer to the DS Lite in terms of the chart. Like the PSP?
That doesn't make any sense.
And buying a ton of Xbox consoles does?
That's about two of them, actually.
You know what we mean! And those jokes stopped being funny years ago.
So did harassment by strangers! This interview is over.
Umm, no, it's not.
Turns out the interview was over. The police said so.