We first tried our hand (har har) at the main game. With our middle and index finger we moved around our bubbly player, and our thumb moved between A and B buttons. To our knowledge, the shoulder buttons serve no purpose -- that, or they weren't needed to return the serves.
After that we moved on to water sports. The Jet Ski minigame (image after the break) is a simplified Wave Race. You move between yellow and red buoys trying to stay in between in order to earn boosts, which is not hard to do as the buoys are widely spread apart. Again, our fingers used the joystick to turn. This time, A is accelerate and B moves the camera in front of you
Controlling your character takes about as much effort as fast forwarding through dialogue on a Skinemax film, which is only appropriate. DOAX2 fails as a game, but passes admirably as an interactive wet dream.