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Rosez ar red, Blizzard es blu, Ork rite luv poetry just fur yu!

Mike Schramm

Reader Chris emailed this to me-- he and his guildmates in Gnomeburgers on Suramar-H were running around doing the Valentine's Day quests together. One of them, an Orc named Gruulok, punched out a few lines of Orc poetry, and they are hilarious. (Yes, I know the image to the right is a Night Elf, not an Orc, but didn't you ever learn that Love is blind?)

Sure, you might think that Orcs aren't very good at poetry, but I've heard my own Orc speak a few lines himself-- something about coming from the Orcs, eating with spoons and forks, and he loves to eat his pork. Gruulok's poetry is perhaps the best love poetry ever written in... well, I'm not quite sure what language this is. Orcish? If you're feeling a little Hordie (get it?) this evening, feel free to share these lines with your sweetie, and have a great Valentine's Day.

Tru Ork luv leevez skarz an brewzez, an eben browken nowzez,
but vilent luv iz much mor fun den duzenz o steenky rowzez.

Wen hartz brake an teerz duz fawl, datz wen tru luv endzez,
but watch yerz bak cuz Orky gurlz nowz how ta take de vengenz.

Luv iz a battle, feerce an lowng. An hartz bleed like a seive.
Yull nowz da wun dat luvz yuz mowst cuz she will let yuz live.

Me luv iz like da red red rowz, itz gotz lowng poyntee thornz.
If yuz feel itz priky sting den for yer hart me mornz.

Me Orky luv, me Orky fair iz hoo me hartz I gave.
Yer luv iz such a frightnin ting it sent me to da grave.

Yer luv iz likez da kritikal kutz me to da bown.
Wen me wakez up from such a hit me nowz me hart wuz pwned.

Orkish luv iz seen by sum az nazty, fowl an krewd...
but we kant help owr brutal pashun az bludshed sets da mewd.

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