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The Guessing Game: Sony's E3 showing

Jared Rea

When coupled in the same sentence, the words "Sony" and "E3" will forever resonate memories of their legendary 2006 press conference. A year has passed and while Sony has managed to shake off the giant enemy crabs, their PlayStation 3 is being trampled by larger entities: the competition. With a management shake-up and a few promising titles, it's time for Sony to come out swinging.

Last time on the guessing game, we said that Nintendo could have the most to lose coming out of E3 and you asked, "Well, who has the most to gain?" The answer is Sony, because, let's face it, the only way from here is up. Phil Harrison's GDC presentation ushered forth a feeling that change was in the air and that it was still, obviously, too early to count Sony out in the new arms race.

What's in store for Sony's presentation this year? Mum is the word but that hasn't stopped any and everyone from taking a few, well educated stabs in the dark. Will Metal Gear Solid 4 remain an exclusive? Will Sony open their conference with "Momma Said Knock You Out?" Saddle up, dear readers. It's time to venture forth towards rumorville.

A Newly Designed PlayStation Portable
Time after time after time again we've heard about the PSP going back to the drawing board. It's getting to the point where we wish that Sony would just get it over with! The PSP's number one fanboy, Andrew Yoon, is choosing to be difficult and says "It's much too soon after the price drop and recent promotional campaign." Beyond difficult is Lord Kyle Orland as deep within the recesses of his sepulcher of agony he howled, "It will have an 120GB hard drive, a slot for DVDs, CompactFlash cards and 3.5" floppy disks. Oh, and a cheese grater!"
Likelihood: In Andrew we trust -- it's still much too soon for a new PSP.

A Price Cut for the PlayStation 3
Former Sony chairman Ken Kutaragi once said that the PlayStation 3 is for consumers to think to themselves, "I will work more hours to buy one." So what will happen now that proud papa and the the discipline bunch are out of the gang? As a lover of tight pants and interpretive dance, Ludwig Kietzmann snapped his fingers and crooned, "It would do Sony a world of good, but I reckon they'll try to ride the $599 wave for at least one more holiday season. They like money, you know." Being his good-time pal, Justin McElroy backed up Ludwig during his solo, chirping, "To announce a price cut would be an admission of defeat."
Likelihood: If anything, Tokyo Game Show would be a much more likely time for a price drop.

A Playable Build of Killzone 2
Andrew, only after promising to play nice, returned to report that "we're going to see a lot of software. A playable Killzone 2 is a certainty." A fanboy of the PS3 variety, Colin Torretta agreed that there will be "extensive coverage, sure ... but not sure of the playable kind though." Offering up the most poignant view of E3 ever, Ludwig toweled off and mused, "I would be surprised if Killzone 2 wasn't playable -- almost as surprised as I'd be if it looked identical to 2005's prerendered fib. Therefore, I expect to not be surprised at all... which I find somewhat surprising."
Likelihood: Regardless, expect to be surprised in some way, shape or form.

80GB PlayStation 3 Announced for America
Sure, you can swap out your original PlayStation 3 hard drive with anything you'd like, lickety split, but that didn't stop Sony from launching it in Korea! Microsoft already proved this to be a successful strategy with their Xbox 360 Elite, so why not Sony? Jem Alexander from PS3 Fanboy was so offended by the very notion of it that he kicked his puppy, shouting "No 80Gig in America. Ever! So definitely no mention of it during the show!" With a phobia of being kicked, Justin cowered in the corner whimpering, "I don't understand the point of this system." Meanwhile, whilst clutching his fabled moon sapphires, Kyle Orland whispered into the very heart of darkness itself, "Yes. In fact there will be a new model every year ... Gotta catch 'em all!"
Likelihood: We have a better chance of Phil Harrison giving birth on stage than this happening.

A New SixAxis Controller, Complete with Rumble
Unsure whether this specific of information comes form the hive mind of Sony itself or, Collin stated quite boldly that, "Sixaxis with rumble will be announced, with a Fall to Winter launch. Expect 10-15 hour battery life." After tasting his kool-aid for anything funny, Ludwig did his best to fit in, mumbling something like, "Sure, why not? Sony and Immersion are talking to each other again, and it certainly wouldn't be the first time a console manufacturer released a new primary controller. In Microsoft's case, however, we wanted less, not more."
Likelihood: It sounds like a winner and please, do drink the kool-aid on your way out. It's delicious!

God of War III Announced
"God of War III won't be featured during E3" Jem told us through double-paned glass. She gripped the two-way phone nervously and stammered, "It's not coming for a while yet. Not until after Chains of Olympus, at least." After our 15 minutes were up, Andrew, not willing to cough up his bail, shrugged his shoulders and agreed. "I think Chains of Olympus is coming out to hold people over until God of War III is in any presentable form."
Likelihood: Regardless, David Jaffe will have our legs broke before we get to report it. No, David! That's where our pants live!

Something, Anything, Metal Gear Solid or Final Fantasy XIII
Stating the obvious, Ludwig says there will be "More trailers, more exclusivity confirmation and more painful release dates than you can possibly imagine." Practically tripping over himself to fortify the hive, Colin blurted out, "Final Fantasy XIII and MGS4 will stay PS3 exclusive! Expect at least one additional major title to announce exclusivity to the PS3."

The most realistic of the bunch, Justin McElroy fiddled with tarot cards and lottery tickets to reveal the future: "MGS4 will have a playable demo. They need that right now. Final Fantasy XIII will be represented by a video sequence that will include (1) an orchestral arrangement, (2) scantily clad women, a lady boy and (3) a tear that looks like a crystal. If the crystal shatters at some point, expect six more months of winter."

Kyle Orland merely looked on, chanting below his breath, ".metsys ynoS-non a no pu wohs ot meht fo eno tcepxE"
Likelihood: Playable Metal Gear Solid 4 for some, Final Fantasy XIII trailers for others.

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