iPhone, he decided his big hands were just too much of a burden to bear. "From my old Treo, to my Blackberry, to this new iPhone, I had a hard time hitting the right buttons, and I always lost those little styluses," says Martel. So what's a man to do? Why, get those digits downsized, of course. Thomas went under the knife for a new technique called "whittling." The doctors made a small cut in each thumb and shaved down the bones, then they adjusted the muscles and fingernails to fit the new thumb size. Martel's new thumbs look a tad effeminate, and there's always that problem of expense and general discomfort, but he thinks the procedure "will pay for itself in ten to fifteen years. And what it's saving me in frustration - that's priceless." Whatever you say, Thomas.
Update: InformationWeek is reporting this story as false. North Denver News hasn't pulled it yet, but given the far-fetched nature, we're certainly having doubts of its authenticity. Either way, we don't recommend you running out and getting your thumbs whittled any time soon.
Update 2: We called North Denver News, still no response, we'll keep you posted.
Update 3: North Denver News finally confirmed the story as a hoax. "Satirical social commentary," as they put it.
[Thanks to everyone who sent this in]