Publisher: Aksys Games
Release: April 2008
You've seen the news. Our children are rapidly falling under the sway of insidious video games, spending hours upon hours watching and even taking part in the most brutal acts of violence imaginable. Games like Grand Theft Auto and Manhunt 2 are designed with nothing in mind but a devious plot to corrupt our children and disrupt our society. Not only that, but many of these games expose our youth to graphic sexuality. Case in point: Mass Effect, which is a pornographic game targeted at preschoolers and (reportedly) given away with boxes of cereal.
The latest threat to our children's sensitive minds comes from Super Dodgeball Brawlers, a game of such stark brutality that it should be banned. And yet, it's going to be released on the Nintendo DS, a game system for children. This shocking violence simulator allows children to play a game called "dodge ball," in which characters break up into teams and attempt to murder each other with thrown projectiles. Disgustingly, this "dodge ball" is presented as a sport, suggesting that it's an acceptable activity for children to engage in on the schoolyard or in the park. Publisher Aksys Games should be held accountable when this deadly game begins claiming young lives.
It's bad enough that children will be taught to use harmless playground balls as weapons, but Super Dodgeball Brawlers takes the corruption a step farther. It satisfies murderous fantasies by giving the players super powers, allowing them to electrify the ball, multiply it in the air or throw it at super-speed. These attacks will even turn our harmless pizzas, cacti, panda bears, and Eiffel Towers into brutal weapons. Kids will even be able to drop the pretenses of sportsmanship and batter each other directly.
Worst yet, Super Dodgeball Brawlers will allow children to connect their DS units wirelessly and perform the simulated violence in groups of eight. Even if you can keep this out of your own home, your children are in imminent danger of having the offending software forced onto their DSes.
We must put a stop to this! If you don't complain to your congressman and do your best to block sale of this disgusting game, it will be on you when children, too addled by flashing lights and cartoons to understand the difference between fantasy and reality, begin acting out this "dodge ball" with their friends.