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New Xbox 360 update doesn't do anything

Justin McElroy

The next time you fire up your 360 you'll be prompted to do a system update and we hope you're sitting down when it happens, because after it's complete you need to be prepared for the thrill of performance identical to before said update. No, there's nothing. Don't try poking around, you're just going to get your heart broken.

Genie paramour and Microsoft spokesman Major Nelson said the code is solely to "prepare for future growth of the service." We're hoping the update is tantamount to a young girl getting a saddle the night before her thirteenth birthday, only the metaphorical pony is the Spring Dashboard Update, information on which has been unusually scarce. We'll let you know when we get some.

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