The blood elves assured me, however, that their magisters had magically enhanced the hawkstriders used for riding to be much larger and stronger than normal hawkstriders. My son, Baine, has often joked that male blood elves have a preternatural obsession with magically enhancing things to be larger and stronger, but I must admit that I did not understand what he meant. The humor of the young is lost on me.
Nechi High Chieftain,
I shall ask you a simple question of simple curiosity - What do you think of the Elite Tauren Chieftains, this ..."rock band" that sing songs of murlocs, rogues, and the Power of the Horde. It's all the rage with the kids these days, and with you being the true original "Elite Tauren Chieftain", I'd like to see you share your thoughts on these musical posers.
- Calco Sunwalker
I am an old tauren, Calco, and I must admit that I do not understand why my young braves are so interested in these minstrels. Their music is, plainly put, offensive to my ancient ears. However, their drummer, Thunder-Skins, is a strong and spiritual warrior who has often provided the tribal rhythms for our larger ceremonies. It was also on his behest that the group was named after our most venerable rank. It is for these reasons, and for the group's unfailing ability to raise the spirits of our young sons of the Horde, that I support them, regardless of my ears.
Now if only we could get our females to express as much interest in weaving or herb-gathering as they do in pursuing those minstrels! Of course, if their affections are returned, at least we might see more tauren children running around besides that one in Shattrath. Our allies, and likely our enemies, have begun to doubt our virility! This cannot stand!
Dear High Chieftain,
Apparently, there is a 'future-see-er' named 'Boubouille' that has seen into the future, and has noticed that your son, Baine Bloodhoof, steps up as High Chieftain! Why is that? Are you getting too old, and gave the position to your son? Are you getting too weak from smoking that 'peace pipe' with the other Tauren, Orcs and Trolls(Stay away from their voodoo!)? Or is something else up that you're not sharing with us?
Concerned Tauren Druid.
Worry not for your chieftain, young druid. When I have accomplished all I have sought out to accomplish, the day may certainly come when I return to the Earthmother and bring new life to our beloved Kalimdor. That is the deserved fate of all good tauren. And when my time does come, Earthmother willing, my son will take my place as High Chieftain.
But surely this Farseer Boubouille has seen some time far in the future, for I have much left to accomplish before my time comes. I do not plan to die any time soon, no matter how many bear mounts the Alliance wants.
I am a proud Tauren warrior. I have been in many battles in my time and some outside of it. The Keepers of Time thought me and 24 of my most trusted companions were worthy to assist Thrall at the Battle of Mount Hyjal even. And in all my travels and battles one thing has bothered me greatly.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT WEAPON?! Seriously. You and every 2 bit warrior at Hyjal have some hewn trees as weapons and I just plain can't find any. I chopped down plenty of trees helping make a dumb arena in Icecrown and never once was able to use them as weapons. I kill evil creatures constantly and all they ever drop are things with crystals, bone, scythes with axes or other things like that. So, who do I have to kill to get one of them? A grimtotem? I'll do it. Not an issue.
-Tauren that wants a totem as a weapon.
Many neophyte warriors and shamans have come to me asking this very question, and the answer is very simple. Our Two-Handed Totems trainer has been on vacation in Orgrimmar for ... has it been that long? Five years? Surely I must be getting senile. It cannot be that long.
Regardless, yes. The ability to use weapons such as mine comes only with proper training, not any innate ability. You must exercise patience and wait for our trainer to return. If you do see him in Orgrimmar, though, do let him know that we're looking for him. His name is Gamon.
You might have heard a few rumors about how the forsaken were capturing people and... well, either melting them or stitching them together into unholy abominations right outside Sylvanas' door. Even after this came to light I continue to hear reports of disappearing farmers and mutated family dogs. (For whatever reason, people seem much more upset about the dogs.)
Meanwhile, the tauren seem pretty nice. You've got the one Horde capital with no slavery or torture, only fighters who willingly join the Crimson Ring for training. The orcs have deathmatches running in the middle of their city and Val... er, my friend said something about gnome sweatshops in Silvermoon. And when someone else who was totally not me was in trouble in Thunder Bluff, a tauren helped that other person who was not me out.
So I have gotta ask: why do you hang out with those jerks?
Definitely Not Varian Wrynn
Who Would Never Write To The Horde
The subject of our allies has been a contentious one in recent memory, and I have meditated on it for many days. The answer is this -- while having certain races as our allies is sometimes difficult, it would be a far worse fate to have them as our enemies. This is one of the reasons why I myself supported the Forsaken's bid to become members of the Horde. Without them, for example, we would have no foothold in the Eastern Kingdoms, and we would lose many more braves to skirmishes and border disputes.
And we are not perfect. Each race has a burdensome group that appears unsavory to the outside -- even the tauren. But this is not a reason to deny an alliance. This is a matter to bring up with their leaders in a diplomatic manner after much thought.
It's not as if any of our allies would suddenly, say, murder me in cold blood and blame it on the Alliance in an attempt to jumpstart an all-out war.
As a member of the Forsaken, I'm confused by a cultural proclivity I've seen among your people. Perhaps you can explain it to me.
Example: Just the other day, I was standing on the tower waiting for the Zeppelin to the Undercity when a member of your proud race stepped up beside me. He was a handsome bull with amazing-looking equipment. We'd only been there a moment, though, before he began ... erm ... vigorously scratching his hindquarters.
At public functions, in taverns, even on the field of battle, it seems like every time a Tauren stops for a break they feel the need to alleviate some sort of irritation on their backside. Do you all have fleas? Should the rest of us be worried?
Ah, a good question. Allow me to explain. What causes us to itch periodically is not an insect or rash, but rather a geas placed upon us by the Earthmother. When we stand idle, our flanks and backsides may begin to itch, reminding us there are many tasks that we could complete and pressing us to action. While sometimes troublesome, it is the reason why we remain active and vigilant .
Should you see a tauren ally itching himself, it might be prudent to offer some ideas for tasks he could perform, such as flexing his biceps, dancing, or jumping around. All of these are essential in preparing for a successful dungeon siege or defeating a powerful enemy in his sanctum.
Dear Cairne Bloodhoof,
With the new zeppelin from Thunder Bluff to Orgrimmar, are you worried at all that commuters to Orgrimmar looking for a cheap, cool place to live are going to gentrify Thunder Bluff?
Hahahahahaha, yeah, okay. Like anyone's even going to visit Thunder Bluff, much less move there.
I need to talk to you about something vital to the Horde's survival. Meet me behind the Orgrimmar Arena. I'll be there with a concerned Orc.
- Magatha Grimtotem.
Ah, I hate to cut our session short, but I must go meet with Magatha. Surely nothing bad could come of this.
That's all for our audience with Cairne Bloodhoof! Next week, we'll be speaking with Highlord Tirion Fordring of the Argent Crusade! If you have questions for Tirion, whether you need advice or have questions about librams or coliseums or anything in between, send them via email to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line "AAFL".