Write a 100-word essay, get into a Duke Nukem Forever party

Dear Gearbox Software:

I think you should allow me to attend next week's Duke Nukem Forever party because I am a fan of Gearbox Software and of Duke Nukem Forever, and definitely not a journalist who would be there to document the inevitably humiliating events of a drunken Las Vegas party at a strip club.

I assure you that I don't own a camera, have a poor memory for names, and tend to black out when I've had even one drink. So I think I am the perfect choice for this party, and I am sure you'll agree. Also, I'll bring gum.

Sincerely,

JC