I've been a professional at not going to E3 for years. Yes, this marks my first year as a member of the Joystiq staff... in which I will still not be attending the trade show next week. As a professional non-E3-goer, I've developed my own "Emergency Not-Attending E3 Kit," which I encourage you to heed.
The ENAE3K isn't so much a kit as it is a survival plan to have on hand in the event that you're not floating from deadline to deadline in a sea of sweaty game-lovers. Should you, much like myself, not stand in any long lines to try out games and products slated to launch in the next year, you'll want to consult this patented survival plan next week.
A few examples of the ENAE3K survival plan include bookmarking and F5-ing the Joytiq E3 2012 hub page, with time in between each refresh reserved for all the sandwiches that those on the show floor won't be eating during the grueling days of coverage. Additionally, cosplaying in the privacy and comfort of your own home is encouraged.
I invite you to take a look at these webcomics from last week, vote for your favorite after the break, and craft your own ENAE3K.
Pit's Date (Brawl in the Family)
Turnaround (Penny Arcade)
Classical Objections (Virtual Shackles)
Dragon's Lair (Blow the Cartridge)
Shadow (Magical Game Time)
Trash Talk (The GamerCat)
The Hype Phenomenon (No Line of Sight)