On February 9 of this year Dong Nguyen, the creator of Flappy Bird, took his insanely addictive bird flapping game off of the iOS store citing concerns that players were too addicted to the title. A flood of imitators quickly took its place, leaving addicts with plenty of other options to fill their need. The marketplace is a harsh mistress for addicts in search of their next flappy fix.
But there is good news for those Flappy loyalists who just want the real thing. Nguyen seems to have have had a change of heart, telling a twitter follower today that he will be bringing the game back to the App Store. Eventually, but "not soon."
It's sad that we're going to have to wait for the coming return of Flappy Bird, but since the game was updated just days before it was pulled from the store it's obvious that Nguyen has a vision for a stronger Flappy Bird. Here's what we'd like to see in come along with the return of Flappy Bird.
Hear me out. As someone who has barely managed to get past twenty pipes I understand why adding this option won't appeal to some readers. But this isn't about you. It's about the insane, cocky people who have Flapped their way to scores in the hundreds. These monsters need to be taken down a peg. We would like to see the introduction of power lines, angry old men with BB guns, magic fireballs, or any other form of increased challenge to wipe the smug smile off the face of arrogant "Birders."
More levels, all still with pipes
Part of the charm of Flappy Bird is its simplicity. That shouldn't change, but it would be nice to have a few new levels every now and then. Right before the game was taken offline Nguyen added a night time level and more bird colors. We humbly suggest a level that takes place during a rain storm, perhaps adding the need to double Flap. But whether these levels take us through a raging storm or through space or to an alternate dimension where the air is made of love there is one constant that needs to remain. Pipes. The true enemy of the Flappy Bird; reenforced steel. It's part of the game's addictive and odd charm. We came for the bird. We stay because we love/hate the pipes.
Power ups that are useless and cause you to die immediately
Part of the charm of Flappy Bird is its joyful simplicity. The secret to the game is calm and planning, leaving gamers desperate for power ups to breeze them through the game flustered. We suggest giving this players power ups, but making it so the power ups instantly and graphically kill the player. People are already rage quitting the game because they can't figure out how to get in the groove.
Giving these players a "rocket pack" power up that immediately blasts them into the nearest wall and certain death is just the sort of odd philosophical quirk that we'd like to see in a Flappy Bird power up. Punish the players who refuse to learn the game's secrets, while making everyone else laugh, and just wait for the YouTube videos to come rolling in.
A dark gritty storyline
Flappy Bird is already an existential tale of terror. A lone bird spends eternity trying to maneuver through a never ending series of tunnels. No matter how hard the bird works death is the only certainty. There is no reward, just flappy. Millions of people are playing out a candy colored version of the story of Sisyphus every single day. So why not add a little back story? Tell me how this Flappy Bird got into this fiendish hellscape of an existence.
Extra points if you do this by tying the game in with a major motion picture like Darren Aronofsky's upcoming Noah. Maybe the bird is trying its best to make it to the boat before the world dies. Death is already all we know about Flappy Bird's world. How about giving death some gravitas?