Welcome to Joystiq Weekly, a "too long; didn't read" of each week's biggest stories, reviews and original content. Each category's top story is introduced with a reactionary gif, because moving pictures aren't just for The Daily Prophet.Dragon Age: Inquisition in October? Nope! Figured you'd prowl through Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor on that same day? Wrooong. What about upholding the law in Battlefield: Hardline sometime in October? Sorry, criminals will go unchecked until next year.
We suppose we'll persevere through the frightening uncertainty that is this dose of video game release dates, but we're not sure our frail hearts can handle any more excitement in this crazy life. Actually, we're fairly certain that frailty would combust into a five-story blaze if Destiny or Super Smash Bros. slip out of 2014.
There was plenty more to this week than release-date musical chairs, though! There's details on how to get The Last Of Us: Remastered for cheap, when we can next expect Sonic Boom to