Crap
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USB anion humidifier soda can confirms you shouldn't be allowed to have a credit card
Worried that retailers might be running out of utter crap to sell? Been looking for that perfect accessory to go with your "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps" sign? Enter the USB-powered, soda can-shaped anion humidifier. Not only will this magical and totally necessary device clean the air around you and re-energize your fat, lazy body, but it will look cool while doing it -- you know, just sitting there being all soda-can-badass. When you absolutely, positively can't find anything else to do with $24.99, the "Portable Can Shape USB Office Home Miniature Anion Humidifier" is there.[Thanks, Simon]
Crapgadget: USB back massager, limbo string and more obviously terrible ideas
Remember those battery-operated vibrating ladybugs that people used to pass around (multiple times) as office gifts? Yeah, that critter ain't got nothing on this stable of patently awful gizmos. We've seen a remarkable amount of garbage pass under our noses in the past few weeks, and we've rounded up the worst of the worst for your consideration. So, is a USB shell speaker really more embarrassing than a V-Sports console for folks tired of searching for a Wii? Is the i-Knock personal IM notifier more unnecessary than the Encore Rockin' Music Lamp? Or does the OMG-inducing Limbo String walk away with the gold here? We know, each and every item is a festering turd in one way or another, but which of the ones below just exemplify the word "crap?" Choose carefully.Read - USB shell speakerRead - USB back massagerRead - V-Sports consoleRead - i-Knock IM doohickeyRead - Encore Rockin' Music LampRead - Limbo String %Poll-17998%
N+ developers rail against glut of bad XBLA games
Here at Joystiq, we think Metanet's sadistic platformer N+ is one of the best original games we've seen on Xbox Live Arcade for a while. So maybe it's not too surprising that the game's developers feel the same way. What is surprising is their willingness to diss the entire download service in public.Talking to Gamasutra, N+ creators Raigan Burns and Mare Sheppard railed against Xbox Live Arcade's bloated catalog of copycat games. "The real problem, I think, is that the same people who are deciding what retail games get greenlit are deciding what Live Arcade games get greenlit," Burns said. "Those decisions that are ruining Live Arcade... it's like, who greenlit Word Puzzle? Who greenlit that hoverboard game that's just shit?" It wasn't always like this, according to Burns. "When we started out ... there were 30 games on Live Arcade. If N was one of them, it would stand out. Now there's like a hundred games, and they're all shit. ... If I was a consumer, I could see not even looking at Live Arcade games anymore if I had downloaded 10 or 20 demos, because at a certain point, you're like, 'Whatever. Maybe there's a good game in here.'"The full interview contains more thoughts on the Xbox Live certification process, the effect of game demos on buzz, and the stupidity of charging for gamerpics and themes. A word of warning: Microsoft fanboys should take their heart medicine before clicking the read link.
MP7 phone makes MP3 feel totally insignificant
We've seen phones that push the boundaries of chintziness, but this newfangled MP7 phone really shows what humans are capable of when they've no motivation to assemble a decent product. Granted, most everything here is lost in translation, but the blatant "Blue tooth" logo on the front pretty much sets it up for disaster. Nevertheless, this GSM handset reportedly comes in silver or black and features a 320 x 240 touchscreen display, a 1.3-megapixel camera, built-in FM tuner and support for some form of mobile TV along with the elusive "MP7" format. Best of all, this marvelous gem of handset engineering can be had for $599.90 (or a dozen easy payments of $59.99) -- we can hear the N95 cowering from here (or is that laughter?).[Via Saporra]
Phoenix Games publishing for Wii: be afraid
The only possible way to make Data Design Interactive's Wii games look good is to put them next to Phoenix Games' offerings. Luckily for DDI, and unluckily for people without healthy senses of humor who may receive one of these, that is exactly what is happening. Phoenix announced plans to publish fourteen Wii games starting in April. The list includes surefire hits like Rat-a-Box, Lion and the King 3, and Monster Dessert (okay, we actually want to know what that last one is).Whereas Data Design just makes bad games, Phoenix makes complete garbage, including barely interactive, sub-CDI-level, copyright-infringing animated movies with voice acting from whoever happened to walk by. Phoenix's games are the very definition of "shovelware."While these games plagued Europe on the PS2, they have yet to make it to the United States, presumably because it's expensive to ship things.[Via Cubed3]
Audiovox must be kidding with its D1817PKG portable DVD player
Sheesh -- what's it going to take to get a decent portable DVD player? Just after we'd been tricked into believing that it couldn't get any worse, along comes Audiovox to take things to a whole new low. This so-called conglomerate doesn't even bother sharing its screen resolution with us, but does take the time to showcase its rechargeable battery, integrated stereo speakers, pair of folding headphones and credit card sized remote. Additionally, you'll find a car power adapter, carrying case, and a controller to play the 30 surely riveting games that are built in. Here's a tip: take your $123 and do almost anything with it. Chances are you'll be better off than trying your luck with this thing.Update: Audiovox pinged us to let us know the screen resolution is actually a halfway respectable 720 x 480 pixels, and it also touts composite video in / out along with headphone / RCA audio outputs.[Via SlashGear]
DDI racing games fall straight to the top of our want list
We don't normally cover individual reviews on Wii Fanboy unless we're, you know, writing them. But there aren't enough reviews online of either of these two games to Metareview either one, and we had to make a mention of IGN's reviews of Data Design Interactive's Mini Desktop Racing and Offroad Extreme! Special Edition. These games managed to score 1.2 and 1.0 respectively. That's from IGN, who frequently gets taken to task for their "8-10 review scale."Check out some quotes from these reviews: Matt C says that "To (Offroad Extreme's) credit, the title features a comprehensive "how to play" tutorial, but unfortunately lacks an accompanying "why to play" one." And Mark Bozon says that "(Mini Desktop Racing's) credits mention no game designer at all though, so that explains a lot," as well as labeling the game "another shovelware title that simply needs to be ignored at all costs." The Wii has some bad games, but these two from the creators of Ninjabread Man sound like they've raised (lowered?) the bar. We are now driven by an uncontrollable compulsion to play these two games.[Via NeoGAF]
USB remote (doesn't really) store away in a PCMCIA slot
If you're gonna make a remote that stores away in your laptop's PCMCIA slot, you probably shouldn't make it so it sticks out. Unfortunately, that's exactly what the USB Media Remote from USB Geek does, and it also includes a USB dongle that sticks out too. Frankly, we'd rather go for any other option than deal with all the hassle that this $30 gadget promises to bring.[Via Everything USB]
A year of crap: the worst so far
In its first year, the Wii has changed the video game landscape. It's brought people in who never thought they would care about video games. New methods of interacting with onscreen events have been invented. The image of the video game has started swinging away from the nerd-basement stereotype and toward a more family-friendly, even trendy experience.But the Wii is still a game console, and it can't be completely different from every other console. It's a universal rule that all video game systems must be populated by a bunch of really terrible games, and the Wii has certainly done an admirable job of attracting cheaply-made, ill-conceived, untested, embarrassing garbage. It's really a mark of a system's popularity that so many publishers have come running with their shovels. It's a mark of the Wii's strength as a platform, as well, that it has managed to survive despite the existence of some of these games.We decided to celebrate this aspect of the Wii by highlighting the five lowest-scoring games on Metacritic's list of reviewed Wii games. The bottom five epitomizes pretty much everything that is terrible about games: hastily thrown-together licensed games, cash-in ports, and games whose ambition far outweighs their budgets. And Chicken Shoot. The worst part? In ten years, every single one of these games will be an extremely rare collectors' item, drawing several times its retail price on eBay, or whatever the future space version of eBay is. And you will want to buy them.
Tiny USB-powered desk vacuum totally doesn't suck
Forgive the pun, but we feel that's the best way to describe this particular gadget: for only $19.99, a "USB desk vacuum" can be yours, and you can say goodbye to those photo-perfect bits of grit that always seem to accumulate next to your laptop. More than likely it'll break after five minutes, just like every other unamusing office gift you'll receive this holiday season. Coming to a USB-powered trash can near you! [Via Pocket Lint]
DS Daily: Wasted
There are a lot of great DS games ... but not all of 'em are worth going gaga over. In fact, some are downright bad. Luckily, we've got a lot of games that are good enough to balance out the occasional pile of poo, but we want to hear about your recent bad experiences. Maybe you borrowed or rented something -- or worse, had the misfortune of buying it -- that just wasn't quite up to your expectations. Help everyone else out and share your stories.
Virtually Overlooked: Trojan
Welcome to our weekly feature, Virtually Overlooked, wherein we talk about games that aren't on the Virtual Console yet, but should be. Call it a retro-speculative.It's nice to get a little break from the insane howling taking place on all sides. Let's think of today's VO as an oasis from E3; a little sanctuary where we aren't beset by new game announcements and screaming judgments of Nintendo's doom or domination. After all, what could be so diametrically opposed from E3 than talking about a very old game that's already out, and that we already know we don't have to be excited about?You won't find any hype here or anywhere else for Capcom's Trojan. That is a promise.
Five handheld accessories you should continue to live without
var digg_url = 'http://digg.com/gadgets/Five_of_the_worst_handheld_accessories_ever_PICS'; Portable game systems are completely self-contained. Unlike home systems, which require a TV, multiple outlets, and a separate controller unit, handhelds contain everything you need to play games, built right in to the unit. They are self-reliant. They are also-- and this goes without saying-- portable. They're designed to be small so you can carry them around.Why, then, do jackasses feel the need to make accessories for handhelds? Accessories needlessly add bulk to Game Boys, effectively exiling them from casual pocket-drops. Here are five of the most pointless things you could ever graft onto a handheld system. We're giving a lot of attention to the Game Boy Color, as it turned out to be a focal point for idiotic doodads. Hopefully, these companies are still tired from their furious crap-assembling, and will largely pass over the DS.
Add cheap nerf crap to your Wii remote
Apparently the powers-that-be at Nerf feel that the existence of one set of cheap attachments to make your Wii remote look like various sports equipment just isn't enough. Sure, Nerf's set is made of their trademark squishy foam, meaning there's less chance of knocking out your little brother's teeth when swinging that mini-tennis racquet. But we have to reiterate our bafflement at why anyone would want these in the first place. It's not like attaching these things to your remote affects the way it feels to play Wii Sports -- we doubt anyone is going to mistake swinging these flimsy faux foam things to using their real equivalents. The only real function here is to make you look like a bigger doofus while you're playing. What's more, the attachments look like they actually block the IR sensor on your remote, meaning you'll have to take it off every time you want to navigate a Wii Sports menu. Stop the fun, I want to get off! [Via Engadget]
Hilarious list of the worst PSP games so far
As with any system's library of games, the PSP has its share of real stinkers. Pocket Gamer managed to relive the pain and construct a hilarious list of the ten worst games on the PSP. How many of these gems do you own? Street Riders Talkman - "It's as if the Walkman debuted as a fridge-sized ghettoblaster that randomly played tunes you didn't want to hear." The Sims 2: Pets Gangs of London Peter Jackson's King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie Taito Legends: Power Up Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects Astonishia Story Dave Mirra BMX Challenge KaZook - "Crap name, crap game. KAZooK is, allegedly, a party game. We can't really imagine any party that KAZooK would enliven, save a gathering of the Communist Party of China, and only because it might provoke fisticuffs about the People's Republic sliding into Western decadence. Because if KAZooK is fun, comrades, then joylessly burning books in slate grey jumpsuits would be the ultimate high. Avoid at all costs."
Astrologer predicts the future of the Wii
And then Elvis came and denounced the horoscopes, and then Sony made a good PR move. No, folks, astrology is total crap, but that didn't stop some hotshot from making an entertaining article using lots of silly-sounding terms like "synastry" and "radix". Who's destined to come out on top?As it turns out, Sony has its celestial bodies in order for the coming year. The 360 is decent, but the worst? My goodness, it's the Nintendo Wii. Apparently, the Wii's residence within Scorpio denotes permanence. This clashes with their "active" gaming philosophy, thus creating an unfavorable situation for the company in the future.The PS3, looking hotter than the Wii? Now we know astrology is fake.[via Joystiq]
Thanko's Gold Ingot USB Hub: for pirates?
Damn, it just doesn't get any more craptacular than this, the Gold Ingot USB hub from Thanko. The best part sure isn't the 8-ports of USB 2.0 action, the ¥5,980 (about $52) price tag, or even the fact that it weighs as much as a laptop at 5.18-pounds. No, the best part is "Fake Gold" engraved right up top to impress the ladies. Class man, real class. Oh, and be sure to check their pirate pitchman after the break... arrrg![Via Impress]
Thanko's Silent Keyboard...shhh
From the folks who brought us the silent mouse and PC in a vat of vegetable oil (oh wait, that wasn't them) comes the Silent Keyboard. Thanko's latest contribution to the inane claims to squash that tap-tap-tap to a squishy silicone whisper -- cutting the typical 61dB blast from a standard keyboard in half. Yours for the low, low price of ¥5,800 or about $51 cash money.[Via Impress]
