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Kung Fu made exciting through the magic of better games
It must have taken a lot of work to make the NES Kung Fu game look cool, but Mission Accomplished. Mission so accomplished. Thomas from Kung Fu takes on pretty much every other NES character (and Zangief) with the help of his massive arsenal of special moves stolen from other games. We hate to spoil it, but Thomas doesn't make it all the way through the video. It is Kung Fu after all, and a violent death is inevitable. The second half of the video follows Mega Man as he faces the same kind of pan-gaming gauntlet, but with much more loss of (his own) life. Get equipped with E. Honda-Launching Pipe and check out the video after the break![Via NeoGAF]
Feel the horror of the NES mashup video
You've got to feel for the poor guy from Kung Fu. First, he gets embroiled in a murder mystery that involves a surfing cat and an aerobics instructor, now, things have somehow gotten worse. Now he's stuck in NatrapsX where he's forced to kick Koopa shells and fight Zangief with only the Green Giant to aid him. Later, the white spy from Spy vs. Spy is squashed by a giant Princess Toadstool. So ... yeah. He's having one of those days.This video is, perhaps, the most compelling example yet that eight-year olds should not be allowed to drink. For if their alcohol-addled minds were to stumble along this nightmare in the dim hours between dusk and dawn it is certain, certain, their sanity would not live to see daybreak.[Via Hemmy.net]
This week on the Japanese Virtual Console: Golden Kung Fu Adventures
Hey, a Japanese Virtual Console update we don't have to be jealous of! Usually, Japan gets all kinds of great stuff, and we get, at best, Japan's great stuff from a month ago. This week: nothing to fret about, really. Front Line (Famicom, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points) Adventures of Lolo (Famicom, 1 player, 500 Wii Points) Golden Axe II (Mega Drive, 1-2 players, 600 Wii Points) The Kung Fu (PC Engine, 1 player, 600 Wii Points) We like Golden Axe II, but we feel confident it'll be here soon. We already know we're getting The Kung Fu this month (as China Warrior). We've never played Front Line, but it looks very ... proto-NES. That leaves Lolo, which, as a HAL Laboratory title and an okay game, is no doubt the subject of a lot of frothing demand. It'll come out here eventually!
Kanji Dragon blows through Akihabara
Sunday came and went, taking with it our hopes of ever meeting Kanji Dragon's martial artist. The kung-fu character posed for a few shots at Success Corp's Akihabara event over the weekend, hyping the kanji-training action title. Just looking at the photos and all the fun we missed out on feels like getting crane-kicked right in the heart.Though we didn't get to attend the soiree, it certainly wasn't from lack of trying. We stuffed our Pokemon backpacks with dozens of DS and GBA games, our favorite G.I. Joes, and a plastic baggie loaded with Pringles (these were crushed into little flaky bits before we even zipped our Squirtle bags shut) before heading out to hitchhike a ride to Japan, but we didn't even make it past two blocks before the police picked us up and drove us home. Our parents were pissed. Hissatsu Kung Fu: Kanji Dragon DVDs containing all of the game's promotional videos, including an unreleased action clip, were passed out to attendees. Peek past the post break for another exciting image from the event and a look at the multicolored shirts that were given to those who preordered the title. You might also see us hugging our knees in the corner, sniffling and trying to pretend like we just didn't spend all afternoon crying.
Kanji Dragon scheduled to kick Akihabara's ass
We're well aware that the gaming press couldn't care less about Hissatsu Kung Fu: Kanji Dragon; interest for a kanji-training beat 'em up is niche at best, and to be honest, this whole kung fu theatre advertising push is a bit silly. But are we going to let that stop us from inundating you with every single scrap of Kanji Dragon news that we come across? Of course not!Success Corp. will be celebrating the educational brawler's June 7th release with a special event this Sunday at Akihabara's Sofmap amusement complex. Attendees will be able to play the game and will even receive a limited edition T-shirt if they pre-order a copy. The title's fumbling mascot will also be making an appearance, handing out Kanji Dragon Director's Cut DVDs. Make sure to check past the post break for a larger version of the disc's explosive cover.To say we're disheartened by the fact that we won't be able to attend is an understatement. We wept bitter tears as we read the press release's jumbled Google translation, yelling out in grief when we learned that we'd miss out on free souvenirs. Rod Stewart poignantly sang "So Far Away" as a montage of us drowning our sorrows with too many drinks and loose women played right before fading to black.
Explosions! Car crashes! Kanji Ken!
Mentioning Kanji Ken earlier this afternoon prompted us to make a beeline for the Japanese game's official site, scrounging its pages for any new developments on the kanji trainer/brawler. Amidst a pile of nonsensical videos, we were able to unearth a pair of magnificent downloadable wallpapers of incalculable value. Just seeing them will blow your mind right out your ass. Keeping with the game's kung-fu theatre theme, the desktop decorations parody martial arts movie posters with cliches like city skylines in the background and uh... a man screaming for no visible reason. Needless to say, they're every bit as zany as Kanji Ken's cover art! Sweep kick right through the post break for the new trailers and previews of the wallpapers.
Kanji Ken's boxart: the legend continues
Kanji Ken's packaging doesn't look like anything you would expect from other "training games," but you could say the same about its teaching methods. The educational title eschews traditional academic themes, opting instead for a style that drills students on Chinese characters through kung-fu battles that play out on the handheld's topscreen. The game's cover art shows its martial arts hero at the crest of his flying kick, clutching a Nintendo DS Lite. A collage of characters surround his dynamite pose, each one more enthralling than the last! There's a drunken kung-fu fighter, an inviting blonde with no visible end to her dress' plunging neckline, and a sinister robot looming in the background. The Great Wall of China is thrown in to sweeten the deal.Head past the post break for a better look at Kanji Ken's casing and a new screenshot of the menacing automaton.
Kanji Ken continues to confuse
The latest screenshots for Kanji Ken give us a better idea of what to expect from the game -- players translate hiragana characters, writing their kanji equivalent on the touchscreen. Scribbling out the correct Chinese symbols assists the kung-fu hero brawling on the top screen. That part of the mystery is solved!What has us befuddled, however, is the new trailer that Success Corp. is using to promote the game. The minute-long video plays out an epic, live-action duel between Kanji Ken's martial arts mascot and... a folding chair? The two opponents exchange a barrage of punches and high-flying kicks, neither of them revealing the motives behind their battle.Head past the post break for the movie clip and screenshots.
Thank you internet: Kung Fu (NES)
Browsing the internet (or "surfing," if you prefer) very often feels like partaking in a twisted treasure hunt, laced with non-sensical clues and unrelated rewards. You start out looking at a review of the latest Bond film, you follow a link here, do a search there and before you know it, you're downloading a hilarious video of a walrus being launched from a catapult. Just such a situation lead us to become briefly obsessed with Kung Fu, that classic face-kicking adventure on the NES. It would be completely inconsiderate if we didn't share some of our findings.Find four Youtube videos embedded after the break -- if you only watch one, make sure it's the last one.
Your daily fix of funny
The "great and esteemed Ludwig" (his words, not mine) stumbled across this video today, and of course felt the need to validate his existence by immediately sending it to me. Though quite old (2003), the hilariously dubbed montage of several Nintendo classics has awesome to spare. Watch! And be merry.(A small warning: this is perhaps NSFW, due to a bit of profanity in the first few seconds.)
Researcher slams games for "blatant racism"
An interesting article on Next Generation details the findings of one Robert Purangao, a researcher from the University of British Columbia, who just recently completed a report on racism in video games. The conclusion is that, unlike the gratuitous violence and sex, the "blatant racism" in games has gone largely unnoticed. Luckily, Mr. Purangao endeavored to locate it for us and subjected himself to a sweeping total of four games. After playing Kung Fu, Shadow Warrior, Warcraft III and Grand Theft Auto 3 for hours on end, Purangao ceased pushing buttons and instead relegated his fingers to decisive pointing.Surprisingly, he blames GTA for featuring non-white gangsters being blown up by a white protagonist, the former being "stock characters" serving only as "narrative obstacles to be overcome." He's certainly stumbled onto something here -- evil gangsters are definitely stock characters and stereotypical video game villains (see also: aliens, nazis, alien nazis), but it has nothing to do with their skin color. If that were the case, we'd be especially excited about the table-turning report on San Andreas.Despite being obviously driven by parody, Shadow Warrior doesn't escape reprimand either -- it features a Chinese villain hero who screams "just like Hiroshima!" when he fires off a rocket. Purangao accuses game designers of using "a mix and match grab bag of Asian stereotypes that are often nonsensical," though he fails to specify whether or not all game designers do that. Another discovery he must have made here is that designers often make terrible games.Sadly, the article is bereft of any details regarding the other two games under investigation. It seems likely that Purangao came across Warcraft III's shocking portrayal of orcs as slobbering and brutal beasts obsessed with burning, ransacking and smashing skulls.
Shaolin monks rock mobile phones and the Internet
Have no fear for the welfare of Shaolin kung fu monks, for beyond their general existence of being completely and utterly more badass than us, it turns out they have mobile phones, the Internets, and $25 bucks a month of spending money. No word on their choice of carrier or favored mobile device -- they are purportedly hip with QQ, China's most popular IM service -- but we're sure whatever device they pick they could totally beat us up with it on their path to enlightenment.[Via textually.org]
